♥ Thursday, October 23, 2008
"We go on this journey to be happy
You see? A smile suits you very well"
Voyage - ayumi hamasaki
...
I have just been thinking...
When I see you these days, no matter how rare and transient they are, you always look so happy, and doing whatever you're doing with your friends.
I think, you won't be so happy if you were talking to me.
People say that I'm obsessed with you, but I really think that I'm in love with you. I guess I'll stop acting like an idiot whenever I don't get to see you.
Because it doesn't make any difference anymore - whether we meet or not. I'll just see you for one second, and then we won't talk anyways.
I'm guilty of speaking; you hate me too much to speak.
Even if I were to get the chance to be able to be physically close to you like in the past, we can't have that same sort of emotional closeness anymore. I can't. You can't. We can't.
Sometimes I wonder, at the end of so many months, isn't it too much of a pity that we have to be strangers, all over again?
I can't find any answer to this...
I'm really confused now.
I have to "let go", right?
Like, am I doing that already? I mean, by not seeing you anymore, by not talking to you anymore...
I know I will never know why you hate; I will never know about your feelings in the past; I will never know anything... fated...
In the past, you would see me, and say your way of "hi", and then you will ask me about something, or talk to me.
In the past, I feel that we could be friends, and even that made me so happy.
In the past, when you see me looking upset or crying, you would say something.
Ah, even if the present is so cruel and undesirable, I have the past to look back to, while still moving on in a world where I miss you every night. I can smile, because I have my past.
And my past has you.
---
Today was Geography, and the paper is so easy! I really memorized a lot of things, and it feels so good to know what you're answering. But still, I have this weird 'I'm gonna screw up' feeling... I don't know why... bad feeling...
Tomorrow is E-Maths paper 1! I'm so scared of it... I hate Maths...
...
"It would be nice if
We could throw away everything
But what is most important;
Reality is just cruel
Whenever I close my eyes
You're there, smiling
Ah, I hope your smiling face
Is with me until the day
I fall into an eternal sleep
Are all people sad?
They are forgetful creatures...
For whom you should love;
For whom who gives love:
Give it your all
Ah, when we met
We were so awkward
We've taken the long road;
We've hurt each other along the way
Ah, I hope your smiling face
Is with me until the day
I fall into an eternal sleep
Ah, when we met
We were so awkward
We've taken the long road
But we've finally arrived"
Dearest - ayumi hamasaki
I can't stop the overflowing tears from missing the past.
Listened to music @ 11:11 PM
