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binaryface @bs.com


♥ Tuesday, September 30, 2008

"How much more courage do I need
To say with my head held high
'This is the only important thing to me'?"

No way to say - ayumi hamasaki

---

I realized that the difference between seeing you and not seeing you is that I would ask myself, "Why are you ignoring me?" when I see you, and "Why did you leave me?" when I don't see you.

Either way, I...

Though it was good that I was always by your side in the past...

I realized that rain is actually a very good and accurate indicator to your mood for that day/moment.

When you're happy, and if it rains, it feels good and cooling and you feel like dancing in the rain, and laughing.

When you're sad, and if it rains, it just makes everything feel worse, and it feels as if the sky is crying for you.

That, is how I feel now.

I don't understand why I still feel such pain when it wasn't something natural that we could see each other often.

But even if we could see each other, it doesn't make any difference. Because we would just behave as if we have never seen each other, pretending not to know each other, bypassing each other.

This is something that I'll need to spend time thinking about, alone.

By the way, there's this certain teacher that I really can't stand anymore. She keeps doing things that catalyze my hatred for her. What's her problem? She keeps picking on certain students, and scolding them, or humiliating them for minor things. Like... I'm so grossed out by her.

---

"
I want to see you
I want to see you
I don't know what to do
As you are smiling so tenderly only in my memory"

HANABI - ayumi hamasaki

Listened to music @ 8:48 PM

♥ Sunday, September 28, 2008

"If my life was transient like a flower
I'll be in full bloom by your side
And after watching your smile
I'll scatter my petals alone, quietly"

Moments - ayumi hamasaki

---

Done that.

Ah, today, like yesterday was in general - BORING! I just watched TV all day long like oh God what happened to studying? I REALLY have to start from tomorrow onwards like MUST MUST MUST!!!

Which reminds me that I'm gonna DO MY BEST to stay away from the computer from tomorrow onwards, until the end of my O' Levels.

Don't try communicating with me in any method, I doubt they'll work.

And I cut my hair today too... Hmm.

Heh, the rest of the school is starting their SA2 tomorrow... all the best! I'll always be praying for you.

And I don't think I can actually go home at 12 45 as stated on the timetable every day... I mean I have Maths remedial tomorrow until 3+ and I think every day has a different remedial. Ah, at least it keeps me occupied.

So, I'll be on a hiatus until 13th November.

until that Day...

---

"
I'll be anything If it can stop you from being seized with fear"

Moments - ayumi hamasaki



I want 2009's calendar (that's the cover, by the way) NOW. Oh my God!!!

Listened to music @ 10:44 PM

♥ Friday, September 26, 2008

"It's not so simple, I don't care even if I look laughable
It's uninteresting to live only for myself"

until that Day... - ayumi hamasaki

---

Seven more days, and there's no more school.

24 more days.

I don't even know why I'm blogging when I have no mood to. I have no mood to do anything now...

---

"
Eternity really doesn't exist
I wonder when I first realized that
But I'm prouder than anyone else that
The days we spent together weren't lies

I've lived up to now
Although the length of time is a little different

Just for having the chance to meet you
Just for having the chance to love you
Even if we can't share our thoughts
La La La La...
I won't forget you

Why, even though it hurts so much,
Can't I think of anyone but you and wanting to be with you?
But I'm used to how I think of even
Small things as happy memories

Even cliches and meaningless words
If they're said between us, they have meaning

Just for having the chance to meet you
Just for having the chance to love you
Just for having our thoughts shared...
From now until forever...

I should think of you as proof that I live without taking my eyes off truth and reality

Just for having the chance to meet you
Just for having the chance to love you
Even if we can never meet again
La La La La...
I won't forget you"

LOVE ~Destiny~ - ayumi hamasaki

Listened to music @ 9:01 PM

♥ Thursday, September 25, 2008

"Hey, that person thinks as if he knew everything about me
Just after we smiled and talked a little together
A big mistake

Hey, the reason of this smile and the meaning of these words can't be understood
Because I don't even want to make them understood
It can't be helped

Indeed, no one knows about the real me
More than you"

until that Day... - ayumi hamasaki

---

Today, I was thinking of what mood I should be using to blog this post and... I can't find a feeling. As in, I don't even know if I'm happy or sad. Confusion, apparently, is such a headache.

All I know is that I'm sick and tired. Not of what you think it is, but by just people in general.

Go on and shout his name when I'm around. I don't care anyway. I couldn't be bothered to care. I just don't like how arrogant you are, thinking that you know me very well. And I can't stand you, who act as if you know me very well.

I don't know why people think that I'm immune to pain. You know what their pathetic excuse is? They say I'm fat so I'm immune to pain. Honestly... I don't know what to say. They don't know, just how deeply I'm wishing, that I could be immune to pain, both physical and emotional. But I'm not. I'm fat but I don't see how that separates me from other human beings. I'm not immune to pain.

And you know who I'm talking about? Who else, but Zen.

You know, I was okay with Zen all these while, and I could care less about his constant annoying behavior and his 'flying kick', or whatever that is.

Today, it was the last straw.

He thinks punching me on my hip is really fun. Ha. Oh wait, it probably doesn't matter at all because I'm supposed to be immune to pain because I'm so fat! But no one believes me when I said that I'm in pain. They think I'm lying or something. When I told him it was really painful, he gave that non-believing look. Like, why would I lie? I'm immune to pain? How funny.

And the saddest thing is that he's the only one who has such a mindset. Almost everyone around me just bloody thinks that I'm immune to pain or something. His punch impacted my bone. It's a bloody bone. Yeah I'm fucking fat but I still have bones. Yeah I'm fucking fat but I still feel pain.

I want to be immune to pain. I really want to be.

I want to be immune to this pain of knowing that most people just assume they know me very well, when they don't. Like being immune to pain. I, for one, have never ever said that I'm immune to pain, so why that deduction? Oh wait, I forgot. It's because I'm fucking fat.

And you know, strangely, from all the people whom I suppose know me pretty well, you're the only whom I don't really speak to often.

I will always remember, and still be surprised, that you know that I cry very easily. I know this seems like something that anyone can tell, but it's not. I don't exactly ball my eyes out every time I have the chance to. How many times have you actually seen me really breaking down?

Indeed, no one knows about the real me more than you. More than all of you guys. I appreciate all these, a lot.

---

Anyway, my plan to be late for school was an epic fail! Not that I failed... I mean the barber didn't even come today! I got cheated and I was late for nothing. What is this. I'm so pissed off at that... grr...

Miss Tan ordered for us this Pilot pen that's not out in Singapore yet. And even if it would be, probably next year, it would still be different from the ones my class have.

Because on our pens, is this engraved phrase: "Even Eagles Need A Push"

I'm too tired to elaborate that, so it'll just be like our secret. =)

And we got random colors, and I got blue. And I really hate blue so I remember I was like begging all the people who got pink pens to trade with me, and all of them wanted their pink pens (oh btw, ironic how EVERYONE seems to blabber that liking pink is gay)... Then at the end of the lesson, Miss Tan actually offered to change my pen to a pink one... I'm utterly touched! Thank you!

---

I think it's good that we don't see each other in school anymore. You seem to have found places to avoid me, I seem to be used to it.

It appears, once again, that the best way is to go our separate ways.

While searching through my cupboard today, I found that FHM. I found it. I just flipped through the magazine, and recalled whatever that happened on that day...

Words that I couldn't say on some other day - I want to present them to you today.

I love you.

I really have never said that to you before. While thinking on the people whom I used to love, I remember I always mentioned "I love you" to them. Why didn't I say it to you? Maybe it's because I felt it was redundant. Maybe it's because you already know.

But still, not saying is a good thing, I guess. Not saying that, brought me by your side for that 9 months...

Even so, you still left me.

But...

Never mind. Oh well.

I was searching for your dazzling smiling face.

Some day, we'll be able to mutually understand that our encounter is the truth.

---

"You see? There sometimes are the days
When I think until when and for what purpose
I just have to keep on going forward this way
But because you are watching me..."

until that Day... - ayumi hamasaki

Listened to music @ 8:29 PM

♥ Wednesday, September 24, 2008

"You see? I think I know for certain
The reason of your smile and the meaning of your words"

glitter - ayumi hamasaki

---

And you know, they say 'all that glitters is not gold'. Ah.

Today's school was SLEEPY! I just felt really sleepy and exhausted, and just kept dozing off during English.

Besides that, everything was okay lah. Today was really peaceful, no stupid comments/insults. If every day could be like that, how nice would it be?

Anyway, I think 4E is a really interesting class. Like always during Higher Chinese, when I'm with them, I can see all their stupid and retarded stuff they do in class, like throwing paper balls. And they have like nicknames for just about EVERYONE in their class...

Okay, you know, the barber is coming tomorrow, so he's going to ruin all of our hair.

I wanted to cut my hair today, but by the time I got to the salon, it was closed. Like oh shit! I didn't cut my hair at all.

And even though I personally think my hair is not that long, and a lot of other people think that way too, I know I'll still get caught because, I will. Past experience.

So, what should I do to prevent my hair from getting ruined by an amateur barber?

My plan is to come late for school. And miss morning assembly. Then, my hair won't be checked. Oh yeah...! I hope it works. I really DON'T WANT that amateur barber to do ANYTHING to my hair. That first (and last) time was really traumatic!

Speaking of traumas, you know the Chinese department is mostly filled with pedophile old men?

One of them is called Mr. Han, AKA Han Lao Bei (which means Old Man Han I think).

Whatever it is, I hate him. He's a freaking pedophile.

He is obsessed with me.

And I mean really. OBSESSED.

Whenever he sees me in school, he touches my arm like eew and he says EXTREMELY DISTURBING things like (translated to English), "When I see your stomach, I feel like eating again."

And also this super sick one. "Which Poly are you going to next year? I want to follow you there."

Like omg. oh my God. Stop it. He's freaking sick and perverted. Like freak off what kind of a teacher is that. Thank God he has NEVER EVER taught me in 4 years and I don't want him to ever step in my class for whatever reason, ever ever.

Just eew. Han Lao Bei. Eew. Sorry, I can't give respect to such a person.

...

Anyway, you know, Mr Kwok says this in morning assembly.

"The language of the strong is the selected absence of speech."

And I think, how true can it be.

It's like, if those people know when to shut up and keep their insults to themselves, then maybe, just maybe... never mind.

Selected absence of speech. Ha.

---

"Whoa whoa whoa, what is precious
Yeah yeah yeah, is your smile
Whoa whoa whoa, I feel for sure that I can fly to the sky for the sake of it"

glitter - ayumi hamasaki

Listened to music @ 10:10 PM

♥ Tuesday, September 23, 2008

"It might be true that
The more one experiences pain
The more he can be tender and strong"

my name's WOMEN - ayumi hamasaki

---

Well, well, a rare 2nd post on the same day! Well, I did a mini-test to suss out my personality via my handwriting. I shall post my analysis here!



Spencer uses judgment to make decisions. He is ruled by his head, not his heart. He is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see him as unemotional. He does have emotions but has no need to express them. He is withdrawn into himself and enjoys being alone.

The circumstances when Spencer does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets him mad enough to tell him off, he will not be sorry about it later. He puts a mark in his mind when someone angers him. He keeps track of these marks and when he hits that last mark he will let them know they have gone too far. He is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All his conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. He is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, he has poise.

Spencer will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. He would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, he will show his love by the things he does rather than by the things he says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because he feels his mate should already know. The only exception to this is if he has logically concluded that it is best for his mate to hear him express his love verbally.

Spencer is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to him, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of his sound judgment. He will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. He will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and he will always ask "Is this best for me?"

Spencer tends to write a bit smaller than the average person. When a person's letters are small and tiny, this indicates an ability to focus and concentrate. This character trait is a huge asset in careers like math, science, race car driving, and flying planes. However, if Spencer writes tiny all of the time, he will also display characteristics of someone who is socially introverted. Spencer will often sit on the sideline and watch others get the attention at parties. he might be willing to open up and be warm, but only in small groups or a select group of people. When he is busy working on a project, it is common for all other noises and distractions to just fade away and his ability to focus is incredible. When he says "he didn't hear you", he really means, he didn't hear you.

Spencer will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. Spencer believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.

Spencer will be candid and direct when expressing his opinion. He will tell them what he thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want his opinion, don't ask for it!

Diplomacy is one of Spencer's best attributes. He has the ability to say what others want to hear. He can have tact with others. He has the ability to state things in such a way as to not offend someone else. Spencer can disagree without being disagreeable.

Because Spencer has sharp needle pointed 'm' and 'n' humps, he has a very sharp mind. He instantly sizes up situations, making instant decisions. He thinks and evaluates circumstances very rapidly. Many people with this type of mind are geniuses, thus he may be seen as highly intelligent. Spencer is often irritated by slow talkers or slow thinkers. If he drives, he gets irritated by slow drivers in the fast lane. He quickly becomes bored when being taught on the level of the slowest student in class. He may be on problem number three when the rest of the class is on problem one. Spencer is curious and very active. In fact, in school he might have been a trouble maker because he thought so much faster than the other kids, he finished his work first, thus having plenty of time on his hands to make trouble!

Spencer's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Spencer that he wasn't a great and beautiful person, and he believed them. Spencer also has a fear that he might fail if he takes large risks. Therefore he resists setting his goals too high, risking failure. He doesn't have the internal confidence that frees him to take risks and chance failure. Spencer is capable of accomplishing much more than he is presently achieving. All this relates to his self-esteem. Spencer's self-concept is artificially low. Spencer will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because he is afraid that if he makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Spencer to plan too far into the future. He kind of takes things on a day to day basis. He may tell you his dreams but he is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud he speaks, look at his actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Spencer is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.

Spencer is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect his ego when he feels hurt. He pokes people harder than he gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Something is incomplete in Spencer's life. He feels frustration relating to his physical needs and desires. Somewhere in his life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Spencer's sexual needs.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Spencer has no white space or margins on a typical sheet of paper. Spencer fills up every last inch on the top, right, left, and bottom. Hmmm. If this is true, then Spencer has a very aggressive personality toward others and quite frankly lacks a bit of respect for the space and property of other people. I would be surprised if Spencer just comes into someone's home and helps himself to a drink in the refrigerator. This can be both an obnoxious personality trait and it can be assertive and effective in getting what you want. There isn't much fear of getting in trouble here, Spencer finds plenty of reasons to break the rules and get in trouble. (Okay, perhaps when he was younger, not anymore?) Basically, people with no margins are a handful.

---

Okay, I agree with some of them, but I disagree with some of them. Ah, it's a fun test. Haha.

Okay, walk forward, don't stop! If I say, "it's okay", then it'll be okay.

---

"We were not born to live
Just putting on a front
And hiding a face
Like the dead"

Marionette - ayumi hamasaki



Listened to music @ 10:26 PM


"Why am I so stupid and useless?
I can't even protect the hand I surely once held"

criminal - ayumi hamasaki

...

Some things that I wanted to blog about yesterday but totally forgot about, due to whatever reasons, like I think I must be too tired or something...

1. During the 'special' hall assembly yesterday, we were 'educated' on sex and us, men, being 'Protector or Predator' when we grow up. Okay, honestly, the speaker looked like a predator.

And it's boring. And it's lame. And it's draggggggggy. Like oh my God, there's almost absolutely no mention of sex and anything of it in the talk! He's always using analogies that have nothing to do with sex. Snorefest.

Then, towards the end, we were shown a video on abortion. The first five (or was it ten?) minutes or so was a doctor babbling and mumbling to himself. Snorefest. Then.

A video. Of a woman's vagina. Getting sucked by some vacuum machine thing. To suck. Out. Her baby.

Like oh fuck! I swear it was fucking disgusting!

And then there were more clips of aborted babies and they're freaking bloody and omg it's gross... And I kept pulling Joseph's sleeves... and kept screaming. Because it was really...

And there was like one part where the child's head was submerged in some water tank and it's floating around like argh!

And the last part! They showed the aborted baby's eyes. And they zoomed in... and it was staring at you... oh fuck!

I totally lost my appetite, and I really felt like vomiting.

I don't want to watch that video. Ever again.

2. On my way home, I stopped by Shop n' Save to buy something, and while I was queuing, I saw this couple at a few cashiers away.

So they were queuing up. And then they were next to this rack of condoms. The girl nudged the guy, and pointed to the condoms. The guy took one packet and added to his load. And they bought it. Omg. Nothing wrong but I felt it was so funny!

Then somehow we walked on the same way. So I was just following behind them. And I noticed something. The girl was wearing a white t-shirt, and she's wearing a black bra. Like... how provocative.

And I deduce the following conclusions:

a) They must be married, since they appear to be living together.
b) They must be damn rich. Like which married couple would be shopping in their home clothes on a Monday afternoon, if they're not rich? I bet they have some home-jobs or something lah.

---

Today, I got my results for the rest of my subjects. Here it goes:

Social Studies - SBQ: 18/25
SEQ - 8/25
Total - 26/50

Combined Humans - SS: 26/50
Lit: 31/50
Total: 57/100

Geography - Physical Geog/Paper 1: 30.5/50
Human Geog/Paper 2: Unknown as of yet

E-Maths - Paper 1: 32.5/80
Paper 2: 37.5/100
Total: 39/100

Science (Chemistry) - Paper 1: 13/20
Paper 3/Written: 19.5/45
Paper 3 Section B: 10/20
Paper 5/Practical: 9/15
Total: 51.5/100 or 26/50 (when combined with Physics, which I haven't gotten the whole marks for)

So yeah.

I'm disappointed in my Chem, seriously. Especially my Paper 3. It's like what the hell... this wrath is pushing me to want to get A1 for my Science.

Maths! I hate Maths to the core and omg it's my only F9 I suppose... like shit I've nothing to say about this stupid subject.

... ... ...

27 more days.

---

What should I do? While reminding myself that I should keep walking forward, I always look back...

It's not your fault or problem yet you are always dragged down with me, along with their insults. If anything, this is the only time when I don't want to be with you. If there should be insults, then please, just let it be me to hear them, and not you as well. I'm not afraid of you hating me because of the insults, because you would have even if there are no insults. I just don't want to see your embarrassed face...

...

"You see? I don't ask for you to forgive me some day
But if you were to fight alone now
That's the definite sign for me"

criminal - ayumi hamasaki

I wonder if you're facing this alone, just like me.

Listened to music @ 8:28 PM

♥ Monday, September 22, 2008

"We took a step back
Yet another step back afterward
So as to not be hurt again"

Together When... - ayumi hamasaki

...

I'm surprised, that we both decided to face it the same way. When they started shouting those stuff today, I ignored them, you ignored them.

I just feel so...

Suddenly, the reason to why you should hate me became so crystal clear. It really is so clear. And I could see it.

I bring humiliation upon you, and so I should leave, so that we can all be happy. Maybe except for me, but that doesn't really matter, I guess.

Our precious memories from the past, how could I bear to forget them?

Maybe this would be the best way. I pretend not to know you, you pretend not to know me. When people shout their stupid comments, we appear as if it doesn't bother us, though whether it does or not for you, I don't know.

I'm really happy that the past had certain things happen, and it'll always be this way.

---

Heh, results for Prelim 2 were released today. What can I say, I'm really disappointed in some, yet kind of neutral with some.

A breakdown of my lousy results first. Oh yeah, laugh all you want, I couldn't be bothered.

English: 57.5/100 C5 (OMG BIGGEST disappointment EVER!)
Higher Chinese: 63/100 B4 (I honestly thought I would get lower!)
Elective Literature : 31/50 (and I would still need to add the marks for SS)

Well, Physics was released too, but the MCQ wasn't, so I can't calculate the marks either. And I need to wait for Chemistry too.

I don't feel exactly exuberant about my results... I think I did really badly. And I'm really pissed at myself for English. I mean, I only got 18/30 for my Compo and Situational Writing... like omg I really think I should have gotten more, ESPECIALLY for my Compo. And guess what? I'm the only freaktard in the class who hasn't gotten a comment written by the marker. Pissed, once more.

And all these happened before recess, so you can imagine how extra-pissed I was when that stupid drama happened during recess...

Tomorrow, I'll get back my results for everything else. I'm expecting to do badly for Geography and Social Studies. And to basically score an F9 for Chem, like how I did for Physics.

But I'm not going to stop now. 4 more weeks/28 more days! I have to do well in this, I have to fufill my promise in the summer.

Yeah, I'm not going to act like a victim, like other people, whom when gotten their shitty results, whine and behave like a bastard during class when the teacher's going through the paper. I'm not a victim; I created my shit results.

And so I'll create a 6 points too.

---

Because I was afraid of losing again; I ran away, and didn't dare to ask anymore questions, or to wonder anymore.

...

"
Should I leave my body, or remain trapped inside it?
Should I pretend I can see it, or is it just not there anyway?

Should I fight, or raise the white flag?

I'm not going to run away like a victim"

Mirrorcle World - ayumi hamasaki







Oh my God, I want it now! I want the DVD for Ayu's ASIA TOUR 2008 ~10th Anniversary~ to be out, like now! I'm so hyped up to buy and watch this, like seriously!

Listened to music @ 8:14 PM

♥ Sunday, September 21, 2008

"So I walk on
And you walk on too
With light shining
On our two separate paths"

End roll - ayumi hamasaki

...

I chanced upon a leaflet today. You know what it was about? It's the leaflet for the Shell-MOE performance at the Botanical Gardens.

I looked at it. I read it.

That day... I felt really happy, and then I felt really sad. You could say that that day, 20th July, was the last day, so to speak.

I was with him for the whole day, yet it was really the last day. And we didn't talk to each other ever since. Well, it's kind of expected, I think. What should I be expecting, anyway?

And the more I thought of it, the deeper my heart sank. I cried. As in, tears really started building up and I cried. All because of a leaflet. I don't know.

They say that time will heal all scars. But don't they know that some scars will never heal?

On that day when you left, you made footprints on my memories...

It's not that I didn't want to stop, it's not that I couldn't, either. It's because I'm not used to it. But I'll try. Even if I were to not do anything now, surely, memories of you would not fade away.

I really want to know why you wanted to leave, why you hate me as much now. Unanswered questions, or maybe as what they say, the answer's pretty obvious.

I remember you asked me if you had done anything to "disiao (honestly, what the hell does this mean? But I could tell it's a negative thing...)" me. And I said no. I said you have not done anything.

I mean, what else could I say? I can't answer a question that I don't know the meaning of. Or rather, I could guess the meaning, but perhaps I didn't want my answer to sour our relationship, so I lied.

But again, you still hated me at the end of the day. Somehow, it feels that it wouldn't make a difference, whether I spoke the truth on that day or not.

But honestly, I don't see it as your fault. And I don't think you have done anything.

My answer would be:

You didn't do anything to "disiao" me, but everything you say and do has great impact on me, and they leave deep memories in my heart. Because you words and actions can tell me what you think and feel about me, so of course I'll take great notice of them. I don't have the courage to ask you about your thoughts and feelings, so I could only guess. That's why everything you say and do means so much to me.

Can you imagine just how stupid I would look if I had said that? Or how awkward it would have been?

Maybe if you are reading this, you would know. But so what? Nothing could be done. And you don't read this blog anyway, I think.

I could forget and move on easily if everything was so clear, and there was no memories to speak of.

But nothing is clear, and there are too many beautiful memories... How can I move on?

---

Well, today. I wasted today watching TV and playing Pokemon. Hahaha. I mean I decided to give myself a break since I was so tired because of yesterday... yeah and I woke up at 12 30. Really. Tired.

And I'm finally deciding to try the Battle Frontier on Pokemon Emerald, and I defeated two of the Frontier Brains and almost defeated another two. Ah. I need to try harder, after the O' Levels!

There would be a new timetable from tomorrow onwards, and I'm going home at 12 45 every day. Except for Day 2, since there's HCL in the afternoon.

I won't be going back to this place anymore, in time to come, it seems. Oh well.

...

"There's never a day on which I recall you
Because I have never for a day forgotten you

I want to see you, I want to see you
I don't know what to do, as you are
Smiling so tenderly only just in my memory"

HANABI - ayumi hamasaki

Listened to music @ 7:55 PM


"I nodded and said to myself, "It's all right"
Because I'm just so strong"

monochrome - ayumi hamasaki

...

You know, at the end of this song, in the album, the song cuts off just at this last line. In the single, the song ends off with a man slamming a door and saying, "Yeah right!".

Either way, it's to show us that she is not all right with it (separating), and she's not strong at all.

Really, I feel this way now.

This post will be colored, once again, to show the contrast of monochrome.

Well, yesterday was Hwee Young's birthday. So, Happy Birthday Hwee Young!

And we had a celebration for this.

So, in the afternoon, I met Justin Onggo at Novena first, before we went off to Dhoby Gaut. We were there super early, so we went to shop at Marks & Spencer!

Oh my God, I love this place more and more! We checked their toiletries and omg so nice! We actually tried all their colonge and deodarents, and I tried their Mango Body Butter... omg my hands smelt like mango ice-cream!

Then, we rushed off back to the MRT station to meet Nicholas Tan, Hwee Young, Hui Xiong and Chek Siang. Apparently, Ye Rong was eating MacDonalds at PS, so yeah rushed him over here before we went to Cineleisure.

Then we went o KBox. And well, in the room, it was just so chaotic. People running about and creating unneccessary noises. Like hello, we're here to sing.

Anyway things settled down and it was quite peaceful towards the end.

Anyway, we got cheated. I so didn't know that there was $24 additional charge of tidbits that's COMPULSORY. And then, there's like $1.50 per person, for song copyright or something.

...

Then, we went to PS again, this time by foot.

Then, yeah we went to Swensen's, but before, some embarrassing thing happened. Shall not say anything.

Oh, at Swensen's, omg the food is nice. Haha. And the ice-cream cake, omg, it's delicious with a capital D, but I mean it costs $90+ so obviously it HAS TO BE nice.

Then chatted for a while before we went to the arcade and omg Nicholas Tan has some beginner's luck or something. He tried the machine where you pinch a toy and he got it on his very first try. And then James Onggo helped him get a second one.

I want a toy too.

As in, I can't operate that machine but, I want someone to get the toy and give it to me.

And not just someone or anyone, but, that person.

And then we went home.

O' Levels are 30 days away, but let's take it as 29 since this day is sort of 'wasted', since I didn't study at all.

I just can't seem to find anything else to say about generic stuff...

Oh, I saw about three to five beautiful women at the arcade, and they're like having their assess grabbed by their boyfriends. Wow, love. And two of them are like super super super pretty omg.

Wow, I sound so excited.

---

I won't make things difficult for you. I'll try my best not to.

If I thought that you had some reason, I would be deluding myself, because such a situation would be just too happy.

I don't know. I'm tired of guessing.

Reminisce? I hope I could always do that.

I apologize to everyone for my cynical post yesterday, by the way.

...

"I see your smile
So dear and dazzling
I'm living every day
To see your smile"

MY ALL - ayumi hamasaki

Something so beautiful that it's sad...


Listened to music @ 12:01 AM

♥ Friday, September 19, 2008

"You come up next to me
And talk about nonsense
You're trying, despite your
Clumsiness, to encourage me"

independent - ayumi hamasaki

...

I remember I was crying, and you told me, "I don't like emo people." Something so small, so insignificant, but it made me feel a lot happier. If somehow, I could return to the days when you cared for me, and said hi in your way to me when you see me, and walk back a few steps to talk to me, wouldn't it be nice?

I don't want anyone in the world to be nice to me, because no one is anyway. I'm sorry to those who cared but...

I just want you to be nice. If I could exchange the kindness and tenderness of the world for your kindness and tenderness, I would.

I don't know why, but I just suddenly started missing you very badly. Like whenever I feel upset, or unjust, and it feels like everything is going against me, I would visit the Primary school canteen, I would go to the multipurpose court, I would walk to and fro the 4th floor corridor.

Because those places held close memories.

I remember you said that I am a person who cries very easily, so to prove you wrong, I tried not to shed tears. But, maybe you were right. It seems that you know me more than I know myself, isn't it?

I said it was all right, and continued with you hating me, and no explanation, with nothing resolved.

But I didn't feel all right at all. What was I afraid of? I told myself that I would never ever be able to find a chance to talk to you privately, where nobody would be around to pass their cynical comments, and so, I decided not to explain myself, and let you continue hating me.

And let the past memories fade away...

Do you even remember that you were nice to me?

People come up and tell me things about you, they tell me that you said hi to them, they told me that you slapped their ass, they told me this, they told me that.

I'm really happy that you're still being that relaxed and friendly person you always are, but it still hurts so badly when I realized that you will never do those things to me. Not anymore.

While my mind was thinking of something positive, like you don't say 'hi' to me, you always say something else... but... in the end, I can only accept the fact that it was a thing of the past.

Why can't I die now? I, somehow, wish to die now, so that my affection for you is strong even when I am dead. I know I'm being very foolish, right?

My heart bleeds too, when your friends shout your name as I walk past. I wish they would shut up too. Are they the reason to why you hate me now?

But no, it's not their my fault. It's my fault. If I didn't exist, they would have done such things, I think.

Having and then losing is worse than never having.

Don't be sad it's over, smile that it happened.

Whichever way you choose to think, you can't deny the fact that you have lost.

I have thought of both ways before, but I cannot escape from the blatant truth. Reality will stay stark as it is.

I don't know if I should feel happy or sad.

Happy that we had spent days together.

Sad that we are in such a state.

Even if I were to feel happy today, there would be a day when I would feel upset, missing the moments with you.

Even if I were to feel sad today, there would be a day when I can laugh that we spent such days together.

You see? I can't have a set emotion for such a thing.

So I guess, I'll feel what I feel today.

And today, I feel sad. I feel empty.

It's always the same questions repeating over and over again, isn't it?

Something like, "Why were you so nice to me?", or "Why did you leave?"...

Unresolved questions, as always.

Staring at the future without your warmth, I embrace myself to walk.

I'm sure tomorrow... will have memories of you whether I'm happy or if the sky is crying.

Ha, the above two lines are new lyrics.

I'm sure tomorrow... I like this phrase.

Honestly, I wanted to blog about exams and my study life and some other general life thing, but typing all these has drained my energy. Maybe next time, if I feel like it.

But before that.

You know, I don't get people sometimes. I mean somehow it's very funny that someone gets 5/100 for a test. I mean, what's so funny? And they nickname that someone 'Five', because of that stupid result.

Have those idiots ever gotten a single digit for their exams? Do they ever know how it feels like? Elitists, insensitive bastards. I dare you, I dare you to call me "Two", because I scored 2/100 for my A-Maths before. I mean not everyone who laughed are such people, but still, I don't think it's a funny thing to get 5/100.

...

"
This short summer will come to an end
I'll be with you at the moment, too
As I know
Nothing is so nice as the ordinary days"

Greatful days - ayumi hamasaki

Greatful is a portmanteau of great and grateful. And summer has already ended.

...

"'MARIA' All the people who love someone

And get hurt...

As I look around
Everyone is bustling about
Passing by quickly

I've noticed
There are signs of winter
Coming so close to us this year

There are surely two people somewhere in this city today
Who meet and catch each other's eye
The curtain rises dramatically

But as with everything
There comes an end
Inevitably, someday

There are surely two people somewhere in this city today
Who choose the way of separation
The curtain falls quietly

'MARIA' There is a person I love
I feel so lonely sometimes
But my heart is filled up in the end
By the person I love

'MARIA' There is a person I love
I get hurt so deeply sometimes
But my heart is healed in the end
By the person I love

'MARIA' Everyone is weeping
But they want to believe
So they are praying
May it be the last love

The beginning comes without reason
And the ending always has a reason ..."

M - ayumi hamasaki

Listened to music @ 8:36 PM

♥ Wednesday, September 17, 2008

"I remember the summer festivals I had often been to
Where we held fast each others' hand not to be separated

Everything was shining, nothing to fear
And I was pursuing nothing but the beautiful dreams

The passing wind is so soft somehow
That tears are running down my cheeks

Memories are sweet because we passed through the time
However sad now, we can talk about it with a smile some day

There was something I lost while I was growing up
But see, I have my dearest person now

The passing wind was so soft somehow
I will love you at this time tomorrow

Please treasure time, not to regret later, as it's irreplaceable
Please don't forget, however much we pray later, we can never get back this time"

theme of a-nation '03 - ayumi hamasaki

...


If there's something I want now, is for us to be like how we were in the past. In that summer, I felt everything - your hands, your voice, your smile...

Even though I don't really know why you just left like that, but it most likely would be my fault, I always thought that there was some kind of a reason.

Wherever you are now, do you still remember whatever that happened in the past? Do the memories sometimes strike you? Do you miss anything?

I really miss the past. I really want to live in the past, again, forever.

I didn't want to let anyone know that I am upset over your depature, so I always smiled, so that I could lie. I'm not saying that there's nothing to be happy about, but as always, departures aren't meant to be celebratory events.

But you left. And you are not going to return anymore. Even if I were to wish and pray very hard, you are still not going to be like you were to me last time. Why? I always keep asking why, but I must have done something wrong to deserve this.

If it pains you to be nice to me, then don't be. You know that too, right?

But I'm really sorry, as in I didn't want other people to be laughing at you too. Every time they start shouting your name, I mean I'm not enjoying that either, and when you're not there, they'll still talk to each other about me. I'm not enjoying that. I didn't want things to be like that too, I didn't want everyone to know, I didn't want any of these to happen... You said it yourself too, that it's not funny. I feel the same way.

What else can I do?

You left on that day, and left footprints on my memories. Although you still asked about me on that last day, beautiful as it appears to be, I know why you're asking. I know why you're searching, I know why you're checking.

That summer was really...

June, July, August. July was the happiest period of time I ever had, despite having unhappiness from band and competitions, I never regretted, because July... I was always by your side. I won't ever be again...

I know you don't remember and care, and couldn't be bothered to, but you don't have to if you don't want to. You know that too, right?

I want that time back, I want you back. But that will never happen.

I don't ask for your love, but really, for that past few months when you were nice to me, like you were to your friends, I was really happy. That was really enough for me, but... It's always me to think of this as simple.

I will try very hard to move on too. Just like you already have.

...

"Even now I don't understand
The meaning of growing up

But I wonder
Where that girl or that boy in my memory
Is now walking and aiming for

Daybreak comes quickly these days
The scent of wind has changed

It seems familiar and unfamiliar
It makes my heartbeat quicker
Sweet and sad

We ran through the road to the sea
Screaming with laughter innocently
In the far away summer days

The childhood memories are still in my heart
We never knew
What would be waiting for in our futures

What is left is what we chose
It's not casual at all

If the universe has a will
I think it surely worked on us
Tender and precious

How many times have I sought for something
Found and lost it
Since that time?

But your smile has taught me
That we are now
In the closest place to forever

We ran through the road to the sea
Screaming with laughter innocently
In the far away summer days

How many times have I sought for something
Found and lost it
Since that time?

But your smile has taught me
That we are now
In the closest place to forever"

fairyland - ayumi hamasaki

Take me back to fairyland, please...


Listened to music @ 11:44 PM

♥ Monday, September 15, 2008

"The season I had with you was the most dazzling one
Everything we saw was full of brilliance
Since when did we come to want too much?
Though it should be just enough that we were close"
It was - ayumi hamasaki

---

Since when did you come to want me to leave?

Since when did I come to want to always stay by your side?

...

All right, I've not blogged for five days, which means (quite) a lot of events to update on! Here we go!

The past few days were an endless roll of exams, exams and exams.

When did I last update... I can't remember.

Oh yes, Wednesday.

Well, the next day was some paper that I didn't take... what was it... erm erm... oh yeah it's History. So I stayed at home and slacked. Yeah I didn't study Physics, which was on the next day. Oh my...

And Physics was the WORST paper ever! The questions in there, like the Chemistry paper, are actually super easy if you studied... and because I didn't... I just kept looking around while trying *very hard* to remember stuff. But I heard the PURE Physics (yeah I'm just a Combined no0b... omg no0b is an official word?) paper was a lot harder. Oh well. Poor guys.

Hmm, so Saturday, I was supposed and wanted to go to school to study with Nicholas Tan. But I didn't, because I'm a bloody coward.

Anyway, I wanted to wake up at 8am to study at the library and I ended up waking up at 11 30. Like omg! Then I felt so listless and depressed for the whole day because I wasn't at school... so I didn't touch any books! I was so pissed at myself!

Sunday... I woke up at 9 15 and slacked around and OFFICIALLY started studying at about 2pm. I read through some Geography stuff before I got fed up and decided to study it during the three hour (or so) break between E-Maths and Geography the next day.

So, I decided to study Maths! But I was too lazy to do practice questions so I read through the notes that Miss Png gave and memorized as much as I could.

Okay, finally today. Came to school blah blah blah then proceeded to the hall. Well, apparently someone blabbered too much during Morning Assembly that by the time he finished blabbering it was like 7 58 already. And the paper was supposed to start at 8am. So because of that person, we started at 8 15 and ended at 10 45, and then some idiotic hold up, and we actually got dismissed at 11 10. And my Geog paper starts at 14 00. It's not three hours anymore, so I got pissed.

Oh wait, I forgot to talk about E-Maths Paper 2! Okay, it's basically the same as Paper 1, as in there were quite a few questions that I could but there were the omg ones that were just impossible! The thing about Paper 2 is that some of the questions are so freaking easy, like the Set Notation/Matrices and Speed one... while some supposingly easy ones, like Vectors were twisted into some illogical shit. And of course, circles my weakness, and not to forget all the geometric stuff.

And I didn't finish the question. I should have done the Graph question first lah, it was so easy!...

Anyway, I went to the library to study Geography. But I spent most of my time chatting with people instead, and I got enlightened. Sort of.

Then it was Geography. Went to the hall blah blah and started doing.

Hmm, I chose to do Industries and Food Geography.

Ah, Industries was super easy but Food Geography was... hmm.

I wanted to do Human Development, but the level marking question looked kind of difficult, so I did Food Geography.

And I just have one thing to say. The FG's LM question wasn't as easy and write-able as it appeared to be. Oh well!

So, I went home after that.

Hmm, tomorrow is Biology, and I don't take Biology. You know what that means? NO SCHOOL! Oh yeah. And tomorrow is my sister's birthday too. Same birthday as MM Lee Kuan Yew (poor man who got admitted to the hospital a few days ago, and believe it or not, the newspaper actually did a small trivial article on the same page about his ailment).

Wednesday is Lit, which is like some destressing paper for me. Hahaha. And it starts at 11 00. Like what the hell, can't it just start at 8 so that I can go home early?

Thursday is Pure Physics and Pure Chemistry, and as I said, I'm a Combined no0b, so what does that mean? NO SCHOOL!

And Friday is my Science MCQ Paper. Yeah, and end of Prelim 2.

I don't know how I would do, I don't want to know yet.

What else.

Oh yeah, the match I was looking forward to of the EPL, Man Utd vs Liverpool on Saturday... the score was 1 2. As in, 1 (and) 2. Man Utd lost to Liverpool like eew man I wanted Man Utd to win. Oh well.

And I realized. I LOVE TO PLAY WITH MY HAIR! I like stroking the back, and flicking the sides... and stroking the front too. And I like people to play with my hair too. But not just anyone, obviously.

---

"
The season I was with you was the shortest one
I felt everything we saw was sweet
What did we leave and what did we lose?
And I wonder how long it takes from now until I can accept it"
It was - ayumi hamasaki


Listened to music @ 8:36 PM

♥ Wednesday, September 10, 2008

"Tears welled up in my eyes
When I thought it would be nice
If I could forgive my past some day"
CAROLS - ayumi hamasaki

...

Sadly, I just don't have the courage to do so...

Let's see. There's this show that I watch, 7pm on Channel 8, well some thought arose from me while watching it.

Today, this woman, who was the ex-girlfriend of this guy, who is now already married, plotted to make his current wife, who happens to be sort of like her friend, have a miscarriage. I don't wish to go on detail about how the miscarriage happened because it's really gross.

The point is, I really hate her. As in that evil slut. I hate her to the core. I wish she would die in the end or something...

I hate such people. You know what they love doing? They like to twist the meaning of love, using love as an excuse to harm people, and rob others' happiness. The thing is, if you really love someone, shouldn't his/her happiness be your priority? After all, in love there is only one law, and that is to make your love happy.

Even if you couldn't physically and personally make your love happy, you can do it in other ways too. For example, if your love hates you, then making yourself disappear from his/her sight can make him/her happy too. Or if he/she already has another lover, then giving them your true blessings will make him/her happy too.

I really hate such people. I don't know understand why they see the need to do such a thing. It's sadistic, evil and cruel. Love is a sacred emotion and to taint it with such selfish methods is just...

But you know, if you hate someone, you most probably possess that person's trait which you detest.

So, this means, that I am like that evil slut.

Am I?

I am selfish, right?

I mean, it's not really about knowing myself and the nature of the things and words that I do and say... but rather, it's by a simple clue/hint. Because he hates me, it means that I am like that evil slut.

Robbing his happiness away.

Did I really do that?

I keep telling myself that at least he was really happy at those times and all that... but the truth is, I don't even know it myself. I don't even know if he was truly happy, just by his laughter, smiles and seemingly interest in interacting. Like if you're friends with someone, those are some things you would do, right? And I thought so too.

And I mean... I know I couldn't be hated without any reasons, so there must be at least a reason. I don't know the reason(s) but I could guess just as much...

You know, they say that he really hated me and was all along 'playing'. And all along, I only thought, 'Playing couldn't be as detailed and well-planned as this.' And I also thought, 'I will only believe what he says.' The thing is... he never told me, so I could only guess. Not guess from other people's opinions, but rather from his words, his actions... In the end, there's no conclusion because both sides of the spectrum exist. It's confusing but...

Am I really that evil slut? Taking his happiness away like that? But I chose to leave, right? I chose to not bother him any more, right? And so he seems happy now, at least from where I could see him. I am happy because of that. I am sad because of that.

Happy because he is happy.

Sad because I couldn't be a reason for his happiness.

Four years in this school, each year except for Sec1 revolved around one man. Somehow, I wish I could be a Sec2 again.

I remember... it was like just lust and infatuation then, so the heartache wasn't that serious, and I could get the thrills, just by looking, because it was lust. So appearance was all that mattered.

Each year, the feelings get more love-like, and more serious. My last year... and I feel this time, I have really felt love. But it feels so wrong at the same time.

I remember contemplating whether to go for band this afternoon, like just for a while... And Shawn Yuen told me, 'If I want to go, then I should just go.'

I know, and I understand. But I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I don't want to make him unhappy again. I don't want to humiliate him again.

His friends can make fun of me when they see me for all I care, as long as they don't bother him. But things don't always go the way you want them to, right?

At this point of time, I realized I don't need those precious things anymore. The bottle, the watch, I am going to keep them at somewhere in my house, and get a new watch, a new bottle over the weekend. Next week, they will be away from me.

It's not because I am over. It's because those are just things. The memories that come with them... are always with me. Even the watch which I said, 'Wearing it makes me feel that he is always by my side."... now, I can always feel that he is always by my side, because I have memories.

I... A sudden of nostalgia rushes through me now...

If I could find someone whom I could reminisce everything to, I would. But hey, I have. Myself.

If leaving would be the best way, then so be it. I am really grateful for whatever that has happened. Even if there is now a tinge of regret that he hates me, I don't know what to do anymore.

He used to walk back a few steps to talk to me, now we past by each other without a word or signal. And he will only walk back a few steps for others.

The exit to this labyrinth is near, isn't it?

To think that all I wanted was for him to be nice to me, and to be friends with me. I honestly thought that if such a thing were to happen, I would be really really really very happy.

But I forgot that... I shouldn't be asking for anything. And because I forgot that, I created the hatred he has for me now. Even though it feels like it's all his friends' fault, but I can't blame them, can I? I only have myself to blame.

Love is a sacred wrath.

But Love encompasses not only Jealousy, but Tolerance, Forgiveness, Acceptance and Understanding too. Because I can do all these, I know it's love. The truest love so far in my life. I don't want to fall in love with anyone else in the future.

I am praying, that this is my last love.

...

"
Even if I'm sad today And I'm weeping tomorrow, The day will come when I can say 'There were such days,' and smile"
SEASONS - ayumi hamasaki

---

Well, today was the Science Practical exam... and well the waste of time waiting and the sweltering heat in the lab were... to die for.

Well, let's just talk about the exam first.

Physics was definitely super easy, and my graph looked kind of nice, so I guess that's good.

Chemistry... was fun, to say. The yellow glitter was so beautiful but Miss Jazliah said we must name them as 'crystals'... omg. I wrote 'Yellow ppt turned into shining yellow glitter'... or something like that. LOL. I also screwed the first question... where I wrote there was hydrogen AND oxygen produced when heating R, but well, only oxygen was produced and I didn't wait until the R has fully been heated... omg I hate these kind of waiting things, especially with burining/heating. They take forever! Chemistry experiments... cooking... I'm always so impatient!

But besides that, I think all was okay.

Anyway, after the exam, I had to get locked up in the Music Room for 2 hours and 15 minutes. Well, at least the Music Room was air conditioned... I feel sorry for the 4D people who were TRAPPED in the art room!

Well, while waiting, watched exciting recitals on the piano by a lot of people, and Mr. Low! And towards the end... omg there were people asking Miss Jazliah about Muslim related stuff.

Anyway, finally got released and went home. And here I am! Hahaha. Tomorrow, there's no school for me, because it's History tomorrow and I don't take History. Hahaha.

Ah, (stones as he thinks on something happy to end the post...)... ... ... hmm oh! Pictures! Hahaha.

Heh. Get ready please, for Justina Tey look-a-like.








The last one! I think the last photo... she really looks like Justina Tey! The girl on the right, by the way. And like... this is the Blue Ranger from MagiRanger. Omg... really looks like Justina Tey!!! Okay, now I think she's prettier than the Pink Ranger (please check a few posts back for reference pictures...)!



Okay, this one is a video her in the MagiRanger... this one should be Stage 47 (third last episode), where she and Hikaru sensei get MARRIED! I have not watched this video for a long time... but I think there should be a part where she's in the wedding gown. And you can see it clearer in video... REALLY LOOKS LIKE JUSTINA TEY!

She's like Justina Tey with bigger eyes and a bigger mouth. Like seriously...



This guy. Looks like Lucas. I mean Lucas Ng. Okay I think I chose a wrong photo, but like the Blue Ranger, it's hard to tell on the photos... but once you look at them like on videos... it's really look-a-like! Stairway to Heaven is on repeat at Channel U at 6pm every weekday. He seriously looks like Lucas too. But Kwon Sang Woo is so hot...

And lastly.



There's NOTHING that I hate about this photo. Everything is perfect.

Close up on Ayu's GORGEOUS face:



Yeah, my job's done! =D

Listened to music @ 8:37 PM

♥ Tuesday, September 09, 2008

"Please treasure time, not to regret later, as it's irreplaceable
Please don't forget, however much we pray later, we can never get back this time"
theme of a-nation '03 - ayumi hamasaki

...

Today was Chemistry and Geography... omg feel like slapping myself. Both papers were super easy but I only know how to do Geography!

I mean, I guess I have to blame myself because I didn't really study Chemistry... and when I looked at the paper, all the questions are so easy and the answer can be easily obtained if I memorized facts... omg I'm so angry at myself!

Geography... easy questions, so no problem for this one!

Right now, dangers are Chemistry and E-Maths. Not forgetting Physics this Friday.

Tomorrow is the Science Practical exam. I'm in shift 2 so I'll be 'locked up' in the student centre for 2 hours. Oh wtf... I hate waiting for nothing.

1 month and 11 days to O' Levels. Let's count down... and get prepared for whatever that we need to face!

Anyway, you know... sometimes I don't know if I should blame other people. Maybe I was always someone who found other people to blame, but in the end, I end up blaming myself. Most of the time, anyway.

Well, the thing is, I think, and I wonder, and after analyzing... I don't see how I was in the wrong.

It seemed like the problem was because they were laughing at you.

But again, they wouldn't, if I didn't exist.

Is it their fault? Is it my fault? Is anyone supposed to be blamed?

... If only you saw for your own eyes, what they did to me. I should always remember... that I shouldn't ask for anything from you, and shouldn't make it sound like I deserve anything.

Yes, I can see what's going on around me, and I can see what's going on around you. I know who laughs and mocks, and who makes it look like it's very funny. You know that too, right?

If there's anything I want badly, besides my secret wish, then it would be that I can have at least one day of peace at school.

Keep walking, right?

Anyway, let's shake off this unnecessary and selfish unhappiness! I have a video to entertain everyone!



And in case you're wondering... this what the guy has been saying throughout the video.

In chronological order:

Hello.
Come back. Fighting spirit. OK!
Me too...
Let's battle, come on Org!
By the way-
It's... karaoke!
WHY?
No problem da yo!
Yes! Senshi ni COME BACK!
GaoMadillo, kick off!
GOALLLL!!
Unbelievable!
Oh! Dangerous and strange!
That's right.
It's good idea!
Aww, silly!
Oh! It's a big chance!
Jesus!
Goddamn. (x3)
Oh my god! (x2)

The funniest ones to me were the Oh my God and the Oh! Dangerous and strange!... He pronounced "strange" as stran-gee... omg! It's seriously very funny, and it sounds so cute too! Hahaha!

...

"The summer has come again and again since then

But why am I looking back upon the past again
Tracing the footprints?

I remember everything even now
Your voice calling my name, your casual habits
I want to forget, and I don't want to forget

Did I choose the right way?
But I keenly understand there is no answer
Whomever I may ask it to

Please tell me some day that you are happy
And smile

I gently lock the memories away
Leaving them to be beautiful

This feeling, this feeling, go up into the sky
And be dispersed beautifully like a firework"
HANABI ~episode II~ - ayumi hamasaki

Once again, my exact thoughts and feelings.

Listened to music @ 8:38 PM

♥ Monday, September 08, 2008

"If someone asked me why I loved the way I did, I would answer, 'Because the two of us were real.' That would be my only answer"
- anonymous

---

And the reason to why I am so persistent, is because that summer wasn't a lie. As long as it was true, even if it was transient, I would be okay with it.

Let's talk about yesterday! Yesterday evening/night, I went on a DATE with Xing Hao, yes just the two of us at Braddell's MacDonalds.

We were studying Maths, and I remembered it was very cold. Like freezing.

Oh yes, I practised Paper 2 questions like mad but guess what? Today's paper was actually Paper 1 and I only realized that like towards the end of our date. I'm so blur, but at least I'm quite prepared for next week's Paper 2.

Our short date lasted for 3.5 hours...

And I went home.

I sound unenthusiastic for a date...

Anyway, today's E-Maths Paper 1 was... I don't know. I know most of the questions there, with only 5 questions being a BIG mystery to me (don't worry the paper has more than 5 questions)... I feel like I could score well, but it's Maths after all, so I shan't harbor any hope.

Tomorrow is Chemistry and Geography Paper 1. I'm prepared for this one! My favorite subjects on the same day means that I will be kept high!

... .... ... I'm running low of things to write. But it's better than the lengthy posts that always talk about the same thing every day, I think. Right?

Oh look at this!



Oh my God... overflowing with cuteness.

---

If I don't do what I do, then... how would you be? Because I don't know anything, I'm doing what I think I can do to change everything.

"
I can smile naturally about this time tomorrow
As if nothing had happened
I've always walked in such a manner
But I can't control this game as I wish"
GAME - ayumi hamasaki


Listened to music @ 8:22 PM

♥ Saturday, September 06, 2008

"The sorrow I had thought to be endless came to an end
The season has changed, I feel bitterly cold
I will never forget that first day of summer
The sky kept on weeping instead of me this year
I feel as if I were living in the continuation of the dream
And I can't even cry now"
Memorial address - ayumi hamasaki

---

"The sorrow I had thought to be endless came to an end..."

Or has it not?

Autumn is here; the season has changed... and I can really feel the effects. The strong wind, the cold rain, I feel cold... everywhere...

Anyway! I have finished watching my Super Sentai Magirangers from Epsiode 1 to Episode 49 AND a special movie AND a special episode AND the Magirangers VS Dekarangers movie... in 4 days!

Maybe it's not a big deal, but I usually don't watch shows until that sort of madness... so yeah. New record me for me! Hahaha!

Hmm... I went to school today to 'study' with Nicholas Tan, and Albert was there too. I was supposed to be there at 10am but I woke up late and so... I was an hour late. Oops! And, I didn't really study! I was busy chatting with Nicholas and Albert... omg, the dangers of studying with friends.

Then at about 1 30, when band ended, Nicholas and Albert went off to eat lunch with some sec1s... and I studied until like 3pm before I went home.

Eh... what else. Oh! You know, I put my hit counter on the blog like about a month ago... a month later, and omg this blog has reached 1018 hits like OH MY GOD! I honestly do not know who has been reading this blog, but I guess as long as it can entertain them, then it's okay! Everything will be okay! =)

My posts are getting short, right? Well, what else can I talk about? If there's nothing, then I should stop.

People with a great eye can know how I feel through hints in every post. Can you find it? Can you find my Secret?

Hahaha.

See you!

---

"Good-bye, even my last words don't reach you
I'm made to realize the coldness of the parting

I wish I could have heard from you
That you never regretted the days we had spent together
Only once, even if it had been a lie"
Memorial address - ayumi hamasaki


Listened to music @ 8:53 PM

♥ Wednesday, September 03, 2008

"Please don't say any more
Leave me this way now
And let me make an obvious excuse"
GUILTY - ayumi hamasaki

---

HELLO! I've so much in mind to blog today... so here we go!

Hmm, today, I went to school at like 10 30 to study with Jack. But in the end, we sat separately because I didn't like where he sat (too dark) and he didn't want to move to where I was... so yeah, ended up studying alone.

And I don't even know if this is counted as 'studying', because I ONLY did ONE chapter of Geography! I brought Chem, Geog, E-Maths to do there and I only did a small fraction of one of the three... oh my God. The worst thing was, I was in school from 10 30 to 16 00. What a waste of time... I need better time management!

It's raining now... like ooh how emo-licious.

Anyway, due to my extremely boring times in front of the computer, I have tired to occupy myself and I have found something!

www.crunchyroll.com


I go to that website and watch the original, Japanese version of POWER RANGERS!

I know this sounds damn retarded but trust me, it's damn nice!

I'm watching the Super Sentai Magiranger now... and checking through all the series on Wikipedia... it seems like this series is the best, and has the CUTEST GIRLS in it! I'm posting pictures of them later on... =D!

I know everyone thinks Power Rangers sucks, thanks to the defaming by the USA version... but the Japanese one is REALLY VERY NICE!!! Like in the first episode, their mother got killed by a villian, then in the second episode, the five of them were like crying over their mother's death, and there was some emo music playing at the background, like wtf tearjerker! I don't see this in the USA version?!

There's also one epsiode where one of the girls was like being very brutally honest and she told the youngest sibling, 'Don't hide magazines under your bed!'.... I mean wtf, it's obviously PORN magazines, like damn funny can.

And the two girls always wear super short mini-skirts when they're in their human form... and omg one episode they were at the beach and the wind was like so strong, and their skirts kept dancing about... hmm...

I sound perverted, but if you know me... hahaha.

Okay, pictures time!



Okay, this one is the blue ranger (as you can obviously tell)... she's super cute can... she's like always behaving so calm and composed but she's super cute when she gets flustered... I'm serious! And she looks like Mrs. Justina Tey!!! Like, she doesn't really look like her in these pictures, but when you watch her on the show... she totally looks like Mrs. Justina Tey but with bigger eyes and teeth... oh my.





This one is the PINK ranger and she is my FAVORITE out of all of the power rangers... I said the blue ranger was cute but this one is 100000000000000000x cuter omg! She always says, 'Yahoo!' or 'Yay!' like lmao it's seriously funny... I laugh like almost every time I see her on the show! She's really just so... omg screaming out with cuteness..

Anyway, Happy Birthday, Saw!

---

"If we tell too much
The truth becomes blurred
Because words are sometimes so powerless
And disturb our thoughts"
decision - ayumi hamasaki

Listened to music @ 8:37 PM

♥ Tuesday, September 02, 2008

"Oh, I'll remember once more that I shouldn't take for granted
The things which I think I'll always have"
Life - ayumi hamasaki

---

I've lost something precious forever. I don't wish to lose the memories that come with it. I want to always remember, so that I'll always be reminded that I was once cared for... If I get senile dementia one day... I'll really literally die.

I'm having a good time watching TV from 15 30 to 20 00... omg there are really very good shows in those times.

I've promised myself not to mention about you anymore but I find myself always inevitably mentioning you... but again I don't wish to forget, so...

In life, there are many things that I've gained, and many things that I've lost. Sometimes, I gain because I lost. I think that's the most painful gain... Like gaining memories because you lost someone. I don't want such a gain. I'd rather want you.

But again, some things can't be willed, if they aren't meant to be.

You have taught me that I shouldn't take for granted, the things that I think I'll always have. It's just like how in the past, I thought that I could always be by your side, so I made decisions and did things that upset everyone.

Regret has never come as unexpected and sorrowful as now.

I feel erasing everything that I've written... this isn't the sort of posts that I'm supposed to be posting.

... I don't feel saying any more.

- I'll go on a new journey, though I know that I will still always love you... -

---

"I thought for sure I'd just go on walking, laughing, breathing,
And carrying on with the mindless conversations as always"
Life - ayumi hamasaki

Listened to music @ 8:35 PM

♥ Monday, September 01, 2008

"Memories are always beautiful
In the eyes of everyone
In the same way"
Marionette - ayumi hamasaki

---

Well, today is the 1st of September... first day of a new month! It's time to start all over again (argh another 30 days to October...) and a new month will be like a new beginning! So let's make the most out of the present!

Anyway, I don't know why so many people are wishing Happy Teacher's Day on Friday, when Teacher's Day is actually TODAY! Haha! They must be confused with the celebrations going on Friday instead... Well, the September holidays have already started... you can feel that the holidays are getting earlier each year. That's because O' Levels are moving earlier each year too!

Hmm... today was such a waste of time! I only watched TV omg... no studying done. What is this? I really have to start studying from tomorrow onwards... next Monday is E-Maths! I think I wll surely die but oh well at least I shoud study for it so that I won't let myself down.

Oh, I forgot to wish all teachers a Happy Teacher's Day! Teaching is a tough profession so yeah, kudos to you guys!

I hope my posts from now on won't be so boring as in the past anymore! ^^

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"We can look back on the past
Because we passed there
We stopped and stepped forward again"
Marionette - ayumi hamasaki

Listened to music @ 10:28 PM