♥ Friday, September 29, 2006
What goes around comes around, what goes up must come down. Reap what you sow, practice what you preach. Karma. Oh she exudes such charm, Karma. Karma is sexeh. =)
Anyway, someone has like extremely totally made my life miserable and I see him getting retribuition now, now he's the one getting the things he did to me. People who are affecting him, just do your thing!
Ok, maybe you won't watch it cos according to my survey of the "Beautiful" video by Christina Aguilera... and it seems NOBODY watched it, but I shall still post this video for those who want to watch it. It's Nothing In This World by Paris Hilton, I really like the message in this video. (It's not sex! For those who think it's sex, you're seriously shallow. Paris Hilton isn't all about that!)
Yeah the video says DARE TO DREAM. Dare to dream to get into the subject combo that you want. Dare to dream that you'll move on to Sec3/Sec4. Dare to dream that you'll do well for your O Levels. Dare to dream that things will turn out better. Dare to dream, cos sometimes, a loser might just win.
Listened to music @ 10:40 PM
♥ Monday, September 25, 2006
Push me here and there, I feel like a hydrogen atom floating around, drifting between love and hate, and it hurts so much in the midpoint...
I bleed you since I've healed you, there is no point in seeing you so happy when I'm suffering in here? God i'm so selfish.
I was intoxicated by you by the good, I felt like I was in heaven...
Now I'm intoxicated by the toxic in you, I feel like I might die when the toxic kills me...
What you want is what you don't need.
I know I shouldn't love you, there is just too much to fake.
Your pain escapes through me.
I hear that you are doing fine, nothing's gonna save me if that's the case.
You chose to torment me in your absolute atrraction and to put an end, to not give me a reporication, I'm not being selfish but do I have a choice?
So let's play the game, we shall see who GETS THE LAST LAUGH.
I'll try to FIX YOU. ;)
Listened to music @ 10:34 PM
♥ Friday, September 22, 2006
I realised that everyone has flaws to pick on, it's all how we look at it actually, and perhaps once or twice in a while mocking at others is ok, but everytime, you get it, EVERYTIME, it's like way too much.
Some people hate for the sake of hating, some hate cos they want to be part of the group, some hate cos everyone else hates the hated, and when do you really know of someone who hates someone else with a real reason?
Hate is a BIG word to use, to hate means you want that person DEAD, and of course you won't murder someone but of course you'll make sure your hatred is so deep and lethal, that person committs suicide and mission accomplished! The person you hate is dead! Happy?
To hate someone till the extent where he has suicidal thoughts, you must be a very successful hater.
Love makes the world go round. But I see that hatred makes the world go round.
Prejudice, despising, why does everybody judge people based on such materialistic factors? Like looks, physique, popularity?
My heart's in a state of no return, I'm trapped in a world where I'm involved in one-sided love, where everyone hates me, where I just thought today of, commiting suicide.
Yes I thought of committing suicide, because everything was just caving in and who likes to be caved in?
I don't care if I die, I only care if people realise that their false hatred can kill.
I am stupid and naive, I trust everyone and never raise my guard.
And I still believe that...
We are beautiful in every single way.
Your paradise is not for me.
I just wanna talk to you, my broken heart has no use, I guess broken promises are better left unsaid, but still you said, that love makes the world go round.
Listened to music @ 11:25 PM
♥ Sunday, September 17, 2006
I am a fighter, I ain't gonna stop, there is no turning back, I had enough.
The sec2 camp was interesting I must say. Ok I dabbled in all the activities, yes to all the people opening their mouths in utter shock, I did EVERYTHING. Rock climbing, abseiling, kayaking, hiking...
Went for Philharmonics concert yesterday night, and omg it's so nice, the sounds were very harmonized and good, and if you listened to the trumpets, their sounds (applies to Philyouth), are bright/clear, but yet mellow, and not so mellow till a cornet. Professionals...
Many people ask, "Why isn't my blog excatly about my life but some love sick notes?"
My answer is "If I were to post about my life, do you think that people would be respectful about it? Everything leak of my personal life I give, family, etc, gets critism and dissed by people, so what's the point?"
I can't stop the feeling of infactuation with you.
It's no fun when you're being laughed at, but why should I care, of what the world thinks of me?
Listened to music @ 9:36 PM
♥ Saturday, September 16, 2006
No more apologies, I never thought you'd be so easily deceived, now I'll just hang my head, I'm falling further out of place, while I walk with the dead all the lies I can't erase, I'll just hang my head.
I just wanna talk to you, my broken heart has no use, I guess broken promises are better left unsaid, and it still rings in my head, when you said love makes the world go round.
He knows that I've loved him too deeply, and he knows that it's impossible to pull me out and he knows he can't love me and he knows he has to hate me to get me out. I don't wanna be the reason why he dies inside.
Kiss me, touch me, love me, hold me, protect me, cheer for me, catch me when I fall.
A desire to kiss, but even a brush against his skin now... seems forbidden... oh dear Lord what should I do?
Facing backstabbing, lies everyday, my skin has grown thick now and words to put me down can't penetrate me, but I'm affected so much by him...
I think about him so often, I ask myself questions about him and me, and... it always ends up in such a shit result.
You make me wanna live like it's the last moon rising, scream "I love you" just like no one's there, lose all my defences, hold you, touch you like it's the very last moment in time.
Open up the space between us.
Love makes the world go round, I hold it in my hands, but it slips away, and I watch you fade away. Love is a mystery, I hear it talk to me, but the words are strange, it's like it knows my name.
Time doesn't count at all.
Listened to music @ 3:04 PM
♥ Wednesday, September 13, 2006
I hate you. I love you.
Trapped in the middle, my heart wrenches as each time it drifts... from "I hate you" to "I love you", never once have I ever settled in any side, spinning around, searching for an answer, to redeem myself.
I love you cos I hate you. I could never disagree with this.
Let the unhappy the past, let them be the waste to expand my personality, let them be buried, let them to never surface again.
I had Chinese Oral today and omg my teacher, gave me the Olevels questions for oral... luckily. My sec4 seniors mentioned about them and yeah it was easy.
Hmph, my English... I failed my compre, got 18/40, oh well I always fail compres, hate the summaries in particular, and I got 18/30 for my compo... and the question I did was "The Curfew" and like I ended up writing a love story instead... Lol and the teacher wrote this comment "Six
pages sides but less than one of them was talking about "The Curfew", I really enjoyed your story but unfortunately the focus of the essay should be on "The Curfew".
And my Chinese (Ok, Higher Chinese), did OK, I got a B3.
Geog, got an A2 (only subject with an A)
Maths --- got an F9 oh well screw you Maths!
Chem got a B3.
Lalala my lousy results. Hahahhaaha
Listened to music @ 11:37 PM
♥ Tuesday, September 12, 2006
What do you do when you know something's bad for you and you still can't let go?
Every step I take... leads to one mistake... I keep coming back to the one thing that I need to walk away from...
Ok... someone. Doesn't know the difference a noob and a newbie!
He/she apparently takes the clothing brand "Newbie" as a joke, and calls someone who owns one of their clothing, a noob, thus linking noob and newibe together. Oh for God's sake, don't use gamers' slangs any oh how you want! Cos there's a difference!
Noob: Used at first in gaming, now used to describ someone who's lousy at something.
"Wah lau, you failed English, wah lau English so easy! You noob!"
Newbie: Someone who's new at something and is only beginning to learn it.
"Eh take care of these people, they are newbies to the police force... must take care of them hor!"
So to he/she, please hor, there's a difference ok! Don't go around mocking and insulting when your vocabulary is so horrible!
And that person is a he/she cos he/she apparently has a attributes of a he but has thinking like a she.
XXXXX should just go and die.
Yes he/she is XXXXX.
Spread my wings, flying isn't enough, I gotta soar up to the sky.
Listened to music @ 10:39 PM
♥ Saturday, September 09, 2006
I'm sorry for letting you down, I'm sorry for causing you harm, my weakness cause you pain, I hurt myself hurting you...
Are you proud of who I am?
I'm really sorry. I didn't know at all you would be upset about it. It was a moment of stupidity of me. I've again made you hurt and it hurts twice as much in my heart again, looking at you. It's so painful. If I could have someone to confide to, and he/she would totally understand how I feel.
I see the look in your eyes, I feel like I might die, as my heart whithers with the rose, your presence is sastiyfying my needs but yet leaving me empty inside again...
Fade in time...
*Takes a deep breath* Now that the unhappiness has been posted, let's talk about happy stuff.
Christina Aguilera's latest album, Back To Basics, ROCKS!!!! Yes I'm gonna buy it in the following week!!!! All hail X-Tina!
Listened to music @ 10:26 PM
♥ Friday, September 08, 2006
The tag board has been changed back to the normal cos of innconvenience of a pop up tag board.
So tag guys!
Haha I realised of all the music I listen to, only Liz Phair and Faith Hill kept a no synthesizer/electronic instruments pilicy, i.e, their songs are just guitars and drums and their voice. So, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, P!nk, Madonna, Mariah Carey, Lindsay Lohan, JoJo and Gwen Stefani have used synthesizers or are using synthesizers in their songs. And like I think Madonna was the pioneer of this electro-pop music genre. Haha interesting?
I watched Moulin Rogue again today, oh my God like this movie always made me cry, especially the scence where Nicole Kidman dies... and like in its soundtrack contains the remake of the 1975 hit by Patti Labelle, "Lady Marmalade", and it was covered by Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Mya and P!nk and God I love it!
And Paris Hilton has a debut album "Paris" and like oh my God it's really really cool so like check it out cos she sings really well. And Paris Hilton... like she has plenty of haters and I can't believe that some of them actually just dissed her album just cos she's a horrible person, like give her a chance! A defenite listen should be "Stars Are Blind" and "Screwed", very good songs.
Haha, yeah. =P
If God is a DJ, life is a dancefloor, love is the rythmn, you are the music, if God is a DJ, life is a dancefloor, you've gave what you've given, it's all how you use it. Meaning? Life is short, live it your best way and don't regret what you did.
Haha waiting for 12th September, Justin Timberlake's 2nd album "FutureSex/LoveSounds" to come out.
Listened to music @ 10:14 PM
♥ Thursday, September 07, 2006
You drive me crazy, I just can't sleep, I'm so excited I need to think, crazy, but it feels all right, thinking about you keeps me up all night.
Everytime I look at you, my heart is jumping, what can I do?
It's hard to contain my feelings for you, but I have to pretend like I don't love you, but my heart is crying, for the day where I can scream "I love you" and no one will care.
I'm feeling out all out of my element, crying, trying, screaming for help...
And my heart believes that we belong together.
Listened to music @ 4:38 PM
♥ Wednesday, September 06, 2006
NOTE: If you have not watched the video, do not read the last paragraph. Contains BIG spoiler about the video.
I see you standing so near me, we can almost just touch each other, but even a brush against your skin seems impossible to me, a kiss seems forbidden, I thought I had it all, but who knew? I lost to love, and my last wish before I die of depirivation from you, is to touch and kiss you...
Is it gravity, chemistry or physically pulling me? What could it be boy? Cos I'm so drawn to you like a fool, I keep coming back it's true, I can't stand it, you're like a magnet.
She's a maneater, makes you work hard, makes you fall hard, so why do you still want her?!
Promiscuous yet chaste --- ironies of life, just like falling in love with you but we all know it's foribidden, what's the point? Let my emotions flow but still what's the point?
I try so hard and I never get anything back, I laugh to myself for being such a fool, giving my all.
I...I...I, is there any point in me mentioning myself all the time? After "I" is the least important word in the dictionary. Right?
Loving you is hard, and hating you is harder, I'm tied in between, the walls closing in, I feel lost for breath, is there a way out?
Set me free.
And with reference to the video, does it matter if you're brace-faced? Does it matter if you are pimply? Does it matter if you're fat? Does it matter if you're scrawny? Does it matter if you are a punk? Does it matter if you're a black/white/yellow? Does it matter if you're gay. I say, we're all beautiful.
Listened to music @ 2:34 PM
♥ Tuesday, September 05, 2006
He's a big strong man with a real big *ahh*.
You make me that much stronger, make me work much harder, make me that much wiser, so thanks me for making me a fighter. You made me a little bit faster, made my skin a little bit thicker, made me that much smarter, so thanks for making me a fighter.
I don't feel tied down. Cos I know there are people who still like me. =)
He's a candyman.
He's a big strong man with a real big *ahh*.
Listened to music @ 11:34 PM
♥ Monday, September 04, 2006
Calling someone fugly won't make me any prettier.
Calling someone fat won't make me any thinner.
Calling someone stupid won't make me any smarter.
Ruining someone else's life won't make me any happier.
So what's the point in laughing at other people? Oh well, I do that so many times and look at me, like what have I become now?
And my life in sec sch is:
Geek ---> Cool shiny hard plastic/poser ---> Most hated person on earth ---> actual human being.
I wanna get to stage 4! And now I'm stuck at stage 3! Like **** I need to wash off these sins off me.
And someone said the grass at the other side is greener. Guess whoever who said that is like totally wrong. After realising that I'm just yearning for sympathy and drowning myself in self-pity, there are people out there who got worse lives than me, like the people in 3rd world countries.
We all get hurt, we all have downs, your problem should be shared. Confide in me.
How I wish I could fashion an idea in my head, where I would impress you with every word I say.
I see you in trouble, should I offer some assistance?
But. I know that even if you're in the worst troubles, every word I say, everything I do to make you feel better is gonna hurt you. How I wish all that would be false. But reality check. It's true.
For the will to carry on, turn to me.
Listened to music @ 3:22 PM
♥ Sunday, September 03, 2006
Erm everybody I just changed the skin to "Love is in the Air". Hope you guys will enjoy it and yes it is a little un-user friendly.... do remember to listen to the theme song of this song!
Ok, I recently discovered that the "changed" me well it's just the old me, with a layer of materialism, shallow-ness and self-centered-ness. (If there were ever such words that is.)
I watched Mean Girls again yesterday night. And I realised that when I watched it the previous times, I only saw one thing. How to be a ditzy blonde, and I learnt to be one, I became someone that I am not, someone that is really just a poser. A plastic. But when watching it again yesterday night, with the words of someone ringing in my head, I saw Mean Girls in a different perspective.
Now, I feel like Lindsay Lohan in the movie, from someone who is not hateable, just someone really simple, I've transformed into an attention-seeking person, someone who is cocky and plastic, nothing about my personality is true, I am just skin deep. I've turned to this lying machine and making use of people, thinking I'm God. Thinking that I'm the inspiration, but in the end, my friends leave me, everyone thinks I'm the ultimate mean bitch. And rumors fly and people hate me. And in the end, what to do but change? That's what Lindsay Lohan did in the movie, and seriously, why am I tying so hard to be a ditzy blonde?
And watching the movie again, I'm gonna model myself Lindsay Lohan's charactar, I'm going to revert back to my old self.
Thanks Mean Girls!
Posted: Sunday, 3rd Spetember, 2006, 15 13 hours.
Listened to music @ 3:14 PM
♥ Friday, September 01, 2006
Breathe the air around you. What do you breathe in?
Hear the sounds around you. What do you hear?
Touch the things around you. What do you feel?
Look inside you. Who do you see?
In the process of life, we look inside ourselves, trying to find out who we really are. And, many a time, we see ourselves, as shallow, selfish, immature, stupid, poser, irritating.
And when I look inside of me, that is what I see now. A shallow, selfish, immature, stupid, superficial and irritating person. And through everything, what do I get? Am I happy in the end?
And now, I know, and I must, change. For even though the "I am me and I won't change for anyone" statement is a statement of identity, but to change for the ones who are worth changing for is a must. And this is what I have to do. To change for myself, is also, to change for the others.
Because I have to change myself, to change the world. *From the mouth of Mr Kwok*
Why do I hate? Why do I feel like I'm at and disadvantage all the time? Why do I feel like the world owes me something? It's because, I am so cynical of the world, and my mindset persists on thinking that the world owes me something. That has to be changed too.
In the classic stories, it seems to be a dream come true for the poor to be flamboyant and proud. But in reality, it never seems nice to be flamboyant. Being flamboyant makes other people think that you think you rock and that is so selfish, and in reality, do I really rock? *No.* And that has to be changed too. A flamboyant mindset.
Confessions of my deepest heart:
I am cocky.
I am flamboyant.
I think the world owes me something.
I refuse to change myself in spite of all the words by others.
I think I'm a gay icon inspiring the world. And I'm not.
I think I am all the things that I am not.
I think way too highly of myself.
I am selfish.
I am not apologetic to the people who hate me.
I blame others for the mistakes that I've made.
I am shallow.
I am superficial.
I am irritating.
I am a turn-off.
I force people to like me.
I think other people are really stupid.
I am cynical.
All in all, I am a horrible person.
And all that has to be changed, because it's all that that made my friends leave me, made me a hateable person. And I want to change and I must.
It is easy to be lazy and shallow, but it's hard to be the opposite. And it's even harder to change.
The key to find the real me has been found, and the lock shall be opened.
Breathe the fresh new me. I am leaving my shadow and facing the sun now.
Listened to music @ 11:49 PM