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binaryface @bs.com


♥ Monday, December 31, 2007

Hi. Today is the 31st December 2007 and the last day that I will use the com for next year, except for CNY and the holidays.

2007 has been a... how should I say it. For one, I know I didn't like 2007 but there's something about it that makes me smile. It's bittersweet.

I remember those months of depression. Basically it's February, March, April, late June, August (save the 1st day), September, October and early November. Just because of stupid things I say/do... I was filled with regret and morose. And I remembered I will just really display myself as an idiot... just because I'm depressed. But I suppose I've learned a lot of things from this incident itself.

Without anyone in this world, the sun will still rise (from the East), the earth will still revolve... people will still have sex, nothing will really stop. Even now, the Pakistan president got killed... but the world isn't stopping just because she died. Indeed, no one in this world is indispensable. Therefore, we really should make full use of our presence... and rub off cheerfulness and bliss to others as well.

Another thing I've learned is that everyone in this world is after all, human. A human can't have just ONE friend forever and ever... In fact, the thought of possessing a fellow friend should abolished for it's selfish and retarded. Thinking about making someone yours and only yours and thus getting jealous over insignificant things... it's pointless. I've learned that. My friend(s) are humans and because of that, they have their own circle of friends as well. We are not God. We can't make everyone like us (and even God has His own clan of non-supporters)... so we really cannot expect our friends' friends to like us, because things are just like that. So the next time when I need to stop talking because you know another friend of my friend is there and all... I will know what to do. (Note to self: don't get jealous anymore!)

Lastly, I think I've grasped the meaning of love... or at least how it's perceived as the good way. I think... When you are in love with someone, and when you understand that person you love will never love you... and you really understand that and thus not get jealous when he's close to other people... he's a human!

So with 2007 ending on a clash chord of mixed feelings... I really hope that 2008 will be better. Though there are things I still cherish like alumni practices, Realm, Band Camp and TPJC's concert (I honestly still can't spell that R word!)... and SYF! I wish that only they will stay in my memory as 2007.

Now, for 2008. I'll just be focusing on studies and band, after all it's my O Level year. I hope I'll do well... it will suck if I did badly when I study... Ha.

New year resolution is to well.

1) Study consistently.
By studying every day... I hope that I'll absorb and learn more. This should help, hopefully.

2) Lose the weight.
Yes, I need to shed off on Su Qi. I'm serious about this okay!!!

3) Improve in my playing.
Honestly I have no comments about my playing and I'm praying that I'll pass the audition on the 16th Jan but I don't hold hopes on passing and playing in the April concert as a senior band (in which I'll not go for alumni if I fail as well...).

That's about all for 2008. I hope 2008 will be a good year for everyone on this earth!!! Channel U, please give me more Korean shows! Haha.

Okay that's all for now, I might edit and add on as the day goes by.

Happy New Year.!.
Listened to music @ 1:26 AM

♥ Saturday, December 29, 2007

Band Camp ended a while ago. So I'll blog about the 3 days of band camp as much as I can remember!

Day 1:
Arrived at school. Nothing too different actually, just that there was a lot of drills and band formation practices. I skipped lunch cos I really had no appetite. Just felt like drinking water. Haha. So anyway, it was the so called games at about 5pm I think. It was actually... I shall not comment. The BEST thing that came from the games was that it caused me to lose my house keys. (which was found later.) Then it was dinner and then sleeping time. Now... something VERY SCARY happened when I woke up the next morning. Do ask me if you wanna know.

Day 2:
As I said, something VERY SCARY happened when I woke up. So after that it was the Physical Training. I don't know why, but Mr. Chiang chose me to be the lead for the band to run that 2.4 km route. Why me? Lol everyone would be walking. But they did not when we started. Cos just about everyone overtook me anyway. I only remembered that I didn't stop and people kept pushing me verbally me. And... I wasn't last! Haha. After the run, I was obviously exhausted. I felt nauseous but I couldn't vomit anything out. That sick feeling was still in my stomach and it lingered on throughout breakfast. I skipped breakfast and started to cry cos it was a really really really morose feeling. Like it just sucks and my body just felt very drained. It was more band formation practices afterwards followed by lunch. Then it was full band which was a very horrible experience once again... No more comments about this one. Then we had dinner followed by more band formation practices in which we managed to do everything! Haha. Then it was THE night games. Er firstly it was some amazing race thing and I think we broke the record for Stairway to Heaven! 1 min 40 secs to find the ping pong ball! Lol. Seung Hwa rocks; Koreans FTW! Then it was the night walk (nope... they didn't tell us which group won the previous game.). Fabian and I just did stupid noises to make things less scary... Haha. After that, with hurting thighs and feet... bathed and slept. We slept at 3am btw. Whoa... very late. Eat that, Bro. Anthony!

Day 3:
Woke up, ate breakfast. Had full band then we started to move stuff into the hall. The POP was well... really no comments; only that I said "there is nothing memorable about this performance" when we took photos... So I hope you can guess. Then packed up and went home. End of band camp.

As you can see, this is well the last band camp that I'll attend in MSSB as a band member there.

There is actually a part 2 for this but I am really too lazy and I've forgotten that feeling I had when I wanted to post this. So yeah.

Anyway, I'm not going to use the com at all for the whole of next year except of CNY and the holidays. 2008 will be just a year of studying and band.

Oh yah I forgot to add... I do not love Mark. Let me repeat that. I do not LOVE Mark. I did explain that I only treat him as a friend and not a lover or whatever. So... please stop thinking so anymore.
Listened to music @ 11:36 PM

♥ Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Anyone remembers my Top 10 Quotes post a while ago? Er I decided to make a Part 2... just for fun, or maybe not. ; )

10.
"What are you thinking about now? What can I do for you?"
Dolls - Ayumi Hamasaki

9.
"We travel this road to find happiness. See? You look good with a smile on your face."
Voyage - Ayumi Hamasaki

8.
"Maria, there is someone I should love. At times I bear deep wounds but they're healed by this person I should love."
M - Ayumi Hamasaki

7.
"Beginnings come at random, but endings always have a reason."
M - Ayumi Hamasaki

6.
"Why am I so powerless and stupid? I can't even protect the hand I held."
criminal - Ayumi Hamasaki

5.
"I will always be your side, though I can do nothing else."
Close to you - Ayumi Hamasaki

4.
"I see your smile; so dear and dazzling. I'm living every day to see that smile."
MY ALL - Ayumi Hamasaki

3.
"However many times the seasons may pass... Our days are fadeless."
untitled ~for her~ - Ayumi Hamasaki

2.
"I wonder if I could leave something for you."
HOPE or PAIN - Ayumi Hamasaki

1.
"We were born not to live just putting on a front and hiding a face like the dead."
Marionette - Ayumi Hamasaki

Many of these quotes are so long... but if I only allowed one sentence per quote, it'd be like top 20 or something. Haha.

And now for a song that is too magnificent to be used as a quote.

What if you're alone
And suddenly become blind
And what if despite that
You kept walking forward?

Come here, take my hand

If you've only got one wing...
Even if I have only one wing left...

What if there was
Nothing to believe in
And what if all that's left
Is despair?

Please, hear my prayers

In this era overflowing
With wingless angels...

If you are left
With no wings...
I still have one wing left...
So...
Together...
Together...

- Endless sorrow by Ayumi Hamasaki

Conclusion of this whole post is... I wish to do something for you.
Listened to music @ 10:43 PM

♥ Monday, December 24, 2007

We looked at each other
Although without words
We already knew that
On that day, we needed
No one else

All those quarrels and
How I would cry alone afterwards...
They have become a part of
My sweet memories now

Ah, those were the days

Although right now
At this time and day
You don't need me anymore
I'm still smiling because I know
You'd smile too

All those dependence...
Let them be independence
It's not that we're going to break off
Just being more able to take care of
Ourselves

Ah, that's how it would be

(*)Though sometimes I thought of that day
And I was filled with guilt and regret
For breaking our trust towards each other
The fact that you're smiling now
Proves to me that I didn't make a difference
And I'm glad for that

I sing this song with tears
But they're not tears of sadness
They're tears of happiness
Still I must finish this song
So that it'll reach you

The sun still rises from the east
And the earth is still rotating
You see? Nothing really has changed
Except for our hearts, perhaps
I will not cry

Ah, now I finally realize

(**)If I saw that "us" in the future
I'd tell them not to be afraid
Of the past and forgive themselves
If I saw that "us" from the past
I'd tell to be brave and face
The future that holds so much trial

This is another ending for us

If I could have a wish
I want you to be truly happy
From this moment onwards

That shooting star that just fell
I made a wish upon it
Though it could be useless
Just like how I always am
I still hope...

repeat (*)
repeat (**)

- neverending


You said "I'm okay"
And showed your usual smile
I didn't probe further

But still I knew...
You were sad and confused
I couldn't do anything

(*)With a sigh, I told myself
"He'll smile again once
He sees them...
It was always like that"

I wondered to myself
There must be a reason
To why you won't say anything

But at those thoughts of the past
Where you'd actually say something
My heart sank

(**)With a smile, I told myself
"Things have changed
I should accept the reality
That is given to me"

When things happen
And you don't like them
There's nothing we can do
Except to accept them

repeat (*)
repeat (**)

- Liar (Me)
Listened to music @ 10:45 PM

♥

Supposing life is a momentary dream
It would be like a flower
Even if destined to fall
It is all the more precious for its transience

What I lost somewhere once
What I left somewhere on that day
Now I go on a journey
With what is left in my hands

What are you thinking about now?
What can I do for you?

Maybe it is valuable as it has no forms
Maybe it is cruel and beautiful

Whether it rains or it blows
On the glowing day or on the silent night
Even if here is the end of the world
I wish to show you the continuation of the dream

I will grow a beautiful flower
And offer it to you
I will grow a beautiful flower
And offer it to you

What are you thinking about now?
What can I do for you?

I will grow a beautiful flower
And offer it to you
I will grow a beautiful flower
And offer it to you

I will sing a song
And sing by your side
I will sing a song
And sing by your side


Dolls - Ayumi Hamasaki

You see? Things are
Certainly changing
You see? But here remains
The unchanged thing
I've come to believe so
Because you taught it to me

Everyone walks on
To meet just one person some day

I must have walked on
To meet you

Let's go along together
Looking at the same scenery
Whatever incidents may be to come
Don't forget

I will always be by your side
Though I can do nothing else

On the days of tears and on the days of smile
I will be by your side

Everyone walks on
To meet just one person some day

Even if I'm reborn some day
I will surely find you

And I will walk on again
To meet you

Close to you - Ayumi Hamasaki

We travel this road to find happiness.
See? You look good with a smile on your face

These beautiful, fragile days are reborn, unfaded

In the season of dazzling burned seas
And in the season of dancing snowflakes

Whenever I turned around, you were there

We travel this road to find happiness.
Everyone is a traveler, carrying his own never-healing wounds.
See? You look good with a smile on your face.

How many times have I gotten lost?
Every time, the one who extended his
Warm helping hand was you.

At the end of this long path, what will we think?
Everyone is a traveler, wandering about in search of love.
Let's go together until we tire of it

Voyage - Ayumi Hamasaki

When I was heartbroken, who stayed by my side?
On whose shoulder did I shed my tears?
With whom did I share my joy?
With whom did I hold hands?
I remember.

On the night we spent apart
The moon was far away and I was crying.
On the night we spent apart
The moon was far away and I was crying.

Who taught me true strength?
Who taught me kindness?
On whose account do I walk?
Who did I want to stroke my hair?
Who didn't give up for me?
I'll never forget.

When I stray from the path, and
When the path is too long,
I was muttering to myself.
That's the way life is...

I pray that this singing voice
will reach you...
I pray that this singing voice
will reach you...

I pray that this singing voice
will reach you...
I pray that this singing voice
will reach you...

Who... - Ayumi Hamasaki

Listening to these songs now... it makes me feel very warm. I don't expect anyone to read these lyrics but if they do, I hope they'll know how I feel now.
Listened to music @ 11:45 AM

♥ Saturday, December 22, 2007

Disclaimer: This post shall be really short and lame.

So... looking at my list of Ayumi songs in iTunes... yeah. I decided to arrange from the longest time to the shortest time and guess what? A lot of her happy and cute songs are actually over five minutes! HONEY, Close to you, my name's WOMEN, Who..., Real me, Beautiful Fighters, WE WISH, Voyage, Replace and UNITE! are the happier songs that are over five minutes. Funny right? How the sadder songs are always four minutes plus while the happier ones are omg long!

Okay, that's all.
Listened to music @ 10:14 PM

♥ Thursday, December 20, 2007

reason

Words by me.

Walking down the streets today
I saw many different people
And strange things they do

Everyone just looked at them
Because they are weird
To them, and only them

Sometimes... we miss the whole point

(*)Everyone stares at the old woman
Who was talking to herself
"She's weird" they thought to themselves
But that's all they know
No one knows she's doing that
Because no one wants to talk to her
Except for herself

I am like that too you know
Doing my usual things
That others don't approve of

Even the things you do
I perceive them in such a way
It was my fault

Sometimes... we miss the whole point

(**)So I say "I love you"
It doesn't matter what I say
Or how I say it, does it?
What matters is why I say it
You know why? Because
I really really really really
Am in love with you

*
**
- reason

BLOWN UP

Words by me

It was a mere few days
And I thought it was a few years
You see? I overestimate myself

Thinking the truth is 'this'
But it in fact it is 'that'
You see? I overestimate myself

I'll just stay the way I am now
It's not like things will change

(*)I was meant to be like that to you
He was meant to be like that to you
You see? It boils down to our own choices
Your choice wasn't me
It never was me

What was unimportant
I blew it up to such
Mythological proportions

Thinking I am like 'this'
But the truth is that
I am really just 'that'

Things will be the best like that
It just has to be

(**)I thought too much of myself
And too little of other people
It turns out that I am what I perceive
Of those other people
Nice never was me

"I am so stupid!" I shouted to myself
Sadly, no one hears it but me

*
**

- BLOWN UP

INSIGNIFICANT

Words by me

(*)What I thought was the most important
Turned out to be the least important
I was thinking about myself

That day when I thought to myself
"Only me and no one else"
I already destroyed whatever that was
Left of me

What am I? Do I hold a place to you?
I answered my own doubts
With answers I only found out now
Were false

*

That day when you said to me
"It's absolutely unnecessary"
I merely smiled a little and nodded
To hide

What am I? Do I hold a place to you?
You answered my doubts
With answers I never considered
As answers

(**)You see? I realized too late that
I am nothing but nothing actually
It's okay, right?

- INSIGNIFICANT
Listened to music @ 10:59 PM

♥ Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Oh yes I think I wrote a happier poem/song today lor. Don't ask me how I have both depressing and happy words in my arsenal.

Memorial bank

Words by me.

I still remember
When we laughed so loud
That everyone
Just started looking at us

I still cry at
The thought of those moments
That managed to
Change me so much

It's so heartwarming, isn't it?
Tell me you still remember

I started laughing
When I thought of your gentle smile
Your eyes; lips
Your everything...

My heart is tingling now, you know?
Don't tell me you have forgotten

Those happy days; those sad days
A rainbow, like being with you
Comes only after all that I've been through
I think one day I'll walk over to the other end
Of the rainbow with you
Together, we'll discover that pot of gold

So...
If you have forgotten anything, it's okay
Just find me, because I remember everything
We can spend days just talking about it
Looking back at those days and laughing
Pure bliss

So...
Suppose life is a momentary dream
It should be treasured more for its transience
Then you, being like those fireworks
Should be cherished more for the transience
And the beauty

As I look at you from where I stand
I start to wander to myself
"Does he remember?"

I walked away, smiling to myself

- Memorial bank

Yay! Happy poems/songs! Hahaha.
Listened to music @ 1:21 AM

♥ Sunday, December 16, 2007

It was the TPJC concert yesterday and I was just thinking to myself "Why so fast one???" Indeed, it has been so fast lor... just that few practices and I won't be there anymore... I'll definitely miss the people there!

Anyway, I screwed up on a few songs! Uh-oh! But in any case, it was still fun AND everyone just got high during El Cumbanchero lor... and the comments I heard for the concert was so heartwarming. A lot of people told me that the concert "just got better and better as each song finishes". Hahaha. Then it was camwhore time with other people. I took photos with my own section and the flute section! But I think my section was the only section which never took section photos (if you count in the Alumni) lor. I'll get the photos tomorrow! Haha.

Anyway, I just wrote another four poems/songs again and guess what? None of them are happy!

USELESS

Words by me.

The pain that I'm feeling
Do you understand it?
Does he understand it?
Does anyone understand it?

I told myself while crying
"I'll watch over you"
You're just sleeping there
And I am more heartbroken

I understand now

If the person you're looking for
Is missing
I'll do all that I can to
Find him
Because he is the one
You love

I only can bring you
Heartaches and headaches
And even singing that
Sounds boastful

I accept now

I shall hide my love
For you
I don't wish to burden you
Any further
Because you are the one
I love

I understand now

I accept now

If the person you're looking for
Is missing
I'll do all that I can to
Find him
Because he is the one
You love

I shall hide my love
For you
I don't wish to burden you
Any further
Because you are the one
I love

- USELESS

Food for thought: Oh well how emo can this get? Even more, perhaps.

Present

Words by me.

I gave you "it"
Although I know you will never like "it"
Because "it" is something
I gave to you

But if you think about it
"It" is just something
That anyone else can give
But whether you like "it"
Depends on who gave you "it"

Does this mean that I'm nothing to you?
I should be happy that I still
Have these moments with you
Although we are just going to appear as strangers
Somehow... we still communicate
I'm contented for that

It "it" was
Something he gave you
You'd like it because
He gave you "it"

So I believe that
"It" could be something
That everyone can give
But whether you like "it"
Depends on who gave "it" to you

Does this mean that I'm nothing to you?
I should be happy that I still
Have these moments with you
Although we are just going to appear as strangers
Somehow... we still communicate
I'm contented for that

- Present

Food for thought: Lol at all the "it"s.

dreamland

Words by me.

I awoke in a strange place
And you were just there
I think I was smiling to myself
Because it is just wonderful

You told me with a smile
"I love you more than anything"
I think tears rolled down my face
Because I was so touched

We ran across the beach
In the summer days
Laughing so innocently
As if nothing
Could have gone wrong

Even till now, I guess
I couldn't figure out
That surreal place
But I don't care because
You were here with me

"I love you too!"
I said with a smile
The sun was smiling at us

I don't need anything else
As long as you were beside me
Touching your face; it felt so real
Looking at each other
Like we were just what we needed...

We ran across the beach
In the summer days
Laughing so innocently
As if nothing
Could have gone wrong

I don't need anything else
As long as you were beside me
Touching your face; it felt so real
Looking at each other
Like we were just what we needed...

Dreams are the opposite of reality

- dreamland

Food for thought: dreamland... That's a very nice name okay?

There

Words by me.

I saw you in a distance
You looked very happy
And was just laughing
With him next to you

But when you spoke to me
You told me of things
That you might not
Tell him

But it's certain that
Whatever you tell him
You don't tell me

Is there a reason
To why you always
Are so happy with them?

Similarly, it must be
The same for me too

But it's certain that
I am a bit different
From the rest of them

In this world that's ever changing
Will you be the only never changing thing?
If it's so, I'd rather it not to be true
Because I want you to smile at me
Like how you did to them


If you are trapped at somewhere
Within your fears
I'll go there too and get you out
But even if
I can't do such a thing because
You won't let me
I'll stand here and wait for you

If you are trapped somewhere
Within your fears
I'll find him and he'll save you
Since it's supposed to be
I can't do such a thing because
I'm so useless
But I'll stand here and wait for you

I pray that they will always be next to you
So that you will always be happy

- There

Food for thought: Does this look very emo? I don't know, okay I actually do, cos it's just emo to me.
Listened to music @ 9:35 PM

♥

We started to walk calmly and determinedly
With the same scars in our hearts
With our backs to each other
Without looking back

We believed
We found out one unchanged thing
But we felt it was changing
And took a step back
Yet another step back afterwards
So as not to be hurt

I wanted to say 'Thank you'
I couldn't say 'Thank you'
Because it's like 'Good-bye forever'
And too sad

Maybe I shall be born again to myself some day
And start a journey to seek for you

One day
When I happened to be puzzled a little
By a new and unfamiliar view
Which I must have chosen
The gentle wind just like you
Blew by me

I wanted to say 'I love you'
I couldn't say 'I love you'
But I feel it was both my biggest lie
And the truth

Even if I'm born again to someone else
I'll start a journey to seek for you

Together When... - Hamasaki Ayumi

I wish I could write lyrics as good as this!

Because of that, I wrote new songs again. It really works to express your emotions and inner thoughts!

Irony Love

Lyrics by me.

Have you ever cried because of me?
Have you ever fretted because of me?
If anything, I'd like to believe that
You really had

Sorrow really shouldn't be displayed
It's a feeling I always keep inside
By doing this, you'd believe that
I never was

Though I firmly tell myself
"I'll stand by you, no matter what"
It's useless when you
Don't want me to do so...

Even if the world goes against you
I won't because I never would
But it's pointless isn't it?
When it will never happen

Have you ever smiled because of me?
Have you ever suffered because of me?
If anything, I'd like to believe that
You really had

By showing my usual smile all the time
It's a feeling that everyone likes
By doing this, you'd believe that
I don't really care

Though I firmly tell you
"I'll stand by you, no matter what"
It's useless when it's just something
That I wish to do...

The nicknames they give you
It's lovely, isn't it?
The affection you show them
It's heartwarming, isn't it?

I shall not believe that you treat me as second fiddle
Simply because you will never do such a thing
Perhaps to you, I'm just something like...
Something different from the rest

Though I firmly tell myself
"I'll stand by you, no matter what"
It's useless when you
Don't want me to do so...

Though I firmly tell you
"I'll stand by you, no matter what"
It's useless when it's just something
That I wish to do...

Even if the world goes against you
I won't because I never would
But it's pointless isn't it?
When it will never happen

The nicknames they give you
It's lovely, isn't it?
The affection you show them
It's heartwarming, isn't it?

I don't care if I'm sad or not
It's meaningless, isn't it?
As long as I get to see your true smile
It'll be reassuring, won't it be?

Slowly I walk alone
It'll be this way
Until...

- Irony Love
Listened to music @ 12:23 AM

♥ Saturday, December 15, 2007

Christmas is coming soon and I'm gonna post some winter ballads for Ayumi. The first one would be one that I'll most prolly keep repeating in the future anyway...

Do you remember the first day we met even now?
You looked abashed, hanging your head
And turning your eyes away

I wonder when such a manner became so dear to me
It makes me feel a little nostalgic
Don't you feel so?

Many seasons have passed by
With quick steps since then

When the white snow colors the city
Let me stay by your side
Though I may bother you
Again and again

We talked overnight about our future and the moments
I felt they were so dazzling
And precious

Tears welled up in my eyes
When I thought it would be nice
That I could forgive my past some day

When the white snow melts
And the city becomes vivid and colorful
I like to keep you closest
To my heart

The days we couldn't understand each other and parted
The days of tears, the days of smiling faces
Whatever may happen and whatever mood you may be in
I'll always accept you

CAROLS - Hamasaki Ayumi

Tonight is the last night that I was in TPJC before the concert. Honestly, I have this relieved feeling that the concert's gonna be over (means I'll get to do my homework) BUT again I'm reluctant to leave. Spending an hour to travel from my house in Toa Payoh to TPJC would soon become nothing but a distant memory...

But I'm still stunned that Melissa likes Pokemon! Manaphy is cute all right but there are so many more Pokemon that are equally cute as well! Haha!
Listened to music @ 12:40 AM

♥ Friday, December 14, 2007

I've not updated for a few days, because I'm busy with band and writing new lyrics! Haha. So I wrote 3 new ones (they suck though)!

Duty

Lyrics by meeeee

Sometimes I wonder to myself
If I've done what I should have

It's a bit confusing, isn't it?
When your decision just happens to be so

Perhaps it's not by anyone's fault
That we blame ourselves
But ourselves

(*)Staying by your side...
Have I done enough for you?
When I try to do so harder
It appears that everything fails

The stray cat I saw in the alley
It doesn't have such a dilemma

What if it's all limerence
And I'm just a hypocrite

Would you say it's my fault
Though we are still not sure
If it's true?

(**)There isn't any right or wrong
I think we are as we are because
Of what we are and born to be
I shan't try anymore

*
**

Food for thought: The chorus suck!

never again

Lyrics by meeee!

For someone they truly love
Everyone would do everything
They can for them

It's certain that I'm also doing that
But today I shall take a step back
Because I don't know...

(*)Given a choice
You wouldn't choose
To be with me

The truth is as blatant
But there's nothing we can do
It's heartbreaking...

We were born to make choices
Thus you made yours
And I made mine on that day...

(**)The reason you're smiling
It isn't because of me

It was all in my dreams and fantasies
So far away

*
**

You see? I can't do anything to bring you happiness
Though I claim to do so

Food for thought: Uh. How weird!

LOVE and HAPPINESS

Lyrics by. Me.

(*)Suppose true happiness
Is like a flower
So beautiful and gentle
We must cherish it even more
Because of its transience

You whispered into my ear
About nothing actually
Perhaps in this nothingness
I've learned something

You see? No one has taught me to be strong
Except for you, apparently

*

Because of you, I've learned
That we don't really
Need a reason
To be happy and smile

You see? No one has treated me of such importance
Except for you, apparently

(**)Suppose true sorrow
Isn't the flower
But something eternal
We must avoid it even more
Because it's always here

The sky speaks of her own tale
Surely, I'll speak of mine too
Life is a neverlasting dream
You taught me that

*
**

Suppose true love
Is the fruit
Sweet and lovely
We must treasure it even more
For we took the long way to get it

Food for thought: Heh, I actually liked this one.

Anyway, I think I'm an idiot! Why is it that only in this last week that I realized the ultimate fun of the TPJC band? ... It's a bit late to realize that now, I'm afraid.

P.S: Shu Qi rocks! TDA all the way!!!
Listened to music @ 12:42 AM

♥ Sunday, December 09, 2007

La La La...
I hear a gentle voice from somewhere
Which might have always been heard
The warmth found just near me

I was forgiven by forgiving many things
Including my childhood so long ago
I was healed, though I intended to heal
I've just noticed, in the way
That I was saved by love
Though I tried to keep love away

You come down quietly from somewhere
And always tell me
Of the happiness just near me

Supporting and being supported
I draw close to you little by little
Protecting and being protected
I get convinced
That I was saved by love
Though I tried to keep love away

If you have a pain hard to get over
Shall we share it and walk on?
Gathering pleasure too big for each of us
Shall we share them and walk on?

I sing this song only to you now
I sing this song only to you now
You are my special treasure
You are my special treasure

La La La...
No rain, can't get the rainbow
No rain, can't get the rainbow

RAINBOW - Hamasaki Ayumi

Today (or rather yesterday), horrible memories of my childhood resurfaced in my mind; it was a while ago such a thing happened.

All this while, I've regarded my low self-confidence and low self-esteem to my family; the very people whom have crushed my childhood.

But in the end, is it just myself?

There are so many instances when I really detest myself, when I become paranoid, when I am selfish, when I am reckless, when I am inconsiderate, when I am insensitive.

Is there really a need to?

I mean life, is but a journey where we make mistakes and learn from them. Perhaps some people might take a while to learn, and some take much faster to, but at the end of the day, we'll end it on a nice note, right?

I decided to search Ayu's RAINBOW on veoh.com to watch the video for it. What it portrays, is what I should do. Finding myself, and learning to forgive myself. And my family too. I know it's going to be hard doing all these, but I'll try, for the sake of myself.

Such a "deep" post yet with such short words... maybe some random guy reading this blog now might think "Attention-seeker." But no one really reads my blog anyway, so... who cares?


Online Videos by Veoh.com
Listened to music @ 12:45 AM

♥ Friday, December 07, 2007

on our way

As I unknowingly make mistakes here and there
You never fail to make me feel better
Despite everything that I've done...
There's still someone here in the end

Slowly I begin to mature; little by little
You never fail to put a smile on my face
In spite of myself being myself...
You are still here in the end

Forgiving only swallows things up
And that's all it does

*Looking at the sky with tears
Somehow I just know that
You will be by my side
Driving all my tears away
This is how it is, isn't it?

My immaturity shows again and again
But you never walked away
Although I never learn sometimes
You still showed me your gentle smile

Nothing has a happy ending, right?
But still I feel...

**It appears that I really need you
And if you need me too
We don't need a reason for anything, do we?
You see, the days we had
Can't be all bad

Because there's you

*
**

- on our way

Something that I wrote.
Listened to music @ 11:14 PM

♥

Yes, I wrote a new song!

What am I?

La La La La La La

Seeing you in a state
Where I don't want
Is this thinking right?

As I ponder to myself
That humans have freedom
I wonder if you're happy

I'm certain that
I don't ask for
Anything in return
Seeing you smile is enough

But maybe if
One day you'd tell me
What I really am to you
I would be glad
That I know
That this is me to you

Is it jealousy I'm feeling?
It's not the time
To point fingers, right?

But as I see myself
Becoming someone I don't want...
I don't want to be a burden

Perhaps it is true that
Everyone has secrets
And someone whom they
Wish to share them with

I guess that
You'd never tell me
What I really am to you
Would I be sad?
That I don't know
That this is me to you

Being by your side...
Is it enough?
I don't want to look back
And tell myself
"It was my fault"

But maybe if
One day you'd tell me
What I really am to you
I would be glad
That I know
That this is me to you

I guess that
You'd never tell me
What I really am to you
Would I be sad?
That I don't know
That this is me to you

As I silently pray
That you'd be truly happy
You come to me and say...

- What am I?
Listened to music @ 12:39 AM

♥ Sunday, December 02, 2007

Yes, I am so bored today. So bored that I wrote 3 songs, at one shot! 2 and a half actually, cos I wrote half a song a few days ago. So here they are.

bitterSWEET

Lyrics: Me.

As the silence continues
I feel my heart breaking

You don't say a word
But I feel your sadness

Is there a way to
See you smile again?

We were born to make choices
Yet we are tormented again and again

I want to be your side but I can't
Being helpless is the worst thing
After hurting you
I want to cry but I just can't
Sadness in the happiness of being with you
It is strange, isn't it?

I want to protect you
Even at the cost of my life

But I hesitate at the last minute
Is my love for you not strong enough?

You see? No one has really
Taught me to be really strong

Except for you, of course

Perhaps if I ruffle your hair
And tease you a little
You'd feel better
Maybe if you know that
I'll always be your side
You'd feel better

Time is running fast
I wish to embrace you
Before fate pulls us apart again...

I want to be your side but I can't
Being helpless is the worst thing
After hurting you
I want to cry but I just can't
Sadness in the happiness of being with you
It is strange, isn't it?

Perhaps if I ruffle your hair
And tease you a little
You'd feel better
Maybe if you know that
I'll always be your side
You'd feel better

- bitterSWEET

Food for thought: A lot of Ayu references in this song... the opening stanzas are inspired from Ayu's criminal. Song references (not copying) includes Who... and Born To Be... I also took references from Ai Otsuka's Happy Days and Planetarium.

Next,

SNOWFLAKES

Lyrics: Me.

The white snow was falling
Thinking of that time
Made me feel nostalgic

In the cold scenery
Your hands felt exceedingly warm

I held a snowflake in my trembling hands
It was as precious and beautiful
As you

A freezing wind blew past
Is that frost on my face?
Or my tears, frozen?

Indeed, crying
Is not a sign of sadness

I held a snowflake close to my heart
It was as fragile and gentle
As you

I held your hand firmly
The warmth from it...
It's reassuring

I laid my head softly
On your chest
Your heartbeat...
Made more frost on my face

- SNOWFLAKE

Food for thought: This is a winter ballad, following the likes of Ayu's JEWEL. I don't really like my last stanza... oh well. And of course, such lyrics can never reach the level of artistic-ness of JEWEL.

TOGETHER

Lyrics: Me.

I still remember that day
When we were sitting side by side
Swaying from left to right
Nothing could go wrong

As I awaken to your smile
From my deep slumber
I realized how peaceful
Everything really was

The sky, the sun
They were smiling at me
I held onto your hand
Unable to let go

It was not as if I loved
Only to wish to be loved in return

I still remember that day
When we were sitting side by side
Swaying from left to right
Nothing could go wrong

Slowly but surely, I see
How my life has changed
My faint smiles only reflect
The happiness in my heart

Perhaps if we look around
Love isn't too far away

Will you come with me?
We'll learn how to be strong
From reality, together
Yes, I only want to be with you

Very soon, my dearest
The scars on your heart
Will fade away
Like how my sorrow did

I still remember that day
When we were sitting side by side
Swaying from left to right
Nothing could go wrong

Will you come with me?
We'll learn how to be strong
From reality, together
Yes, I only want to be with you

- TOGETHER

Food for thought: This is a BLUE BIRD/HONEY/PEACH/*insert happy song*-esque song. Typically happy lyrics... and if I ever know how to arrange/compose songs... this one is definitely going to be like BLUE BIRD. Haha. By the way, I need to stop with the capitalization of titles...

So, I have one more that I thought of spontaneously while posting these songs.

rebirth

Lyrics: Me.

From the flames of death
The phoenix rises

I'd be like her
Reborn from whatever pit I fall into

I will spread my wings and keep them back in again
Contemplating on what I should do to prevent my past mistakes

My new world will be filled with pink everythings
And of course candy
Somewhere where they would not be able to find me
And of course I will let you in
Once again I will be reborn

It's easier than done, of course
There are so many times when I wish to give up

I will spread my wings and keep them back in again
Contemplating on what I should do to prevent my past mistakes

I won't cry even if I fall again, only because
I will be like the phoenix that was reborn
Surely I'd be able to come back
And let everyone know that
I'm not so naive

My new world will be filled with pink everythings
And of course candy
Somewhere where they would not be able to find me
And of course I will let you in
Once again I will be reborn

La la la...

Food for thought: Yes, a title that's not capitalized! I'm sorry but I'm really following Ayu's style of everything, am I? Anyway, unlike the other 3 songs, this one is nothing to do with love. I got inspiration from Ayu's winding road. I just cannot come up with impressive titles. = (

Okay anyway, I think my lyrics all are not that good, and I know whoever who wishes *oh yeah.* to really use these lyrics (who would?), they will have a hell of their time cos I know my lyrics are not really structured and systematic.

Oh well.
Listened to music @ 10:22 PM