binaryface @bs.com

♥ Friday, February 29, 2008

Today was the cross-country day lol. Well was a half day for school so I went to Hui Xiong's house with Nicholas Tan, Hwee Young and Wei Shee. Just lamed around in his house doing nothing then we set off for Bishan Park.

Took attendance and prayed that it would rain (well I sort of regretted doing that since the cross-country was like so super-duper fun.).

Then, the Sec4s were supposed to run first so yeah we did. The track for this time seems soooo much shorter and comfortable than the one at the reservoir. Throughout the track met so many teachers who were like rooting for everyone. Haha.

So, whatever, I finished without stopping/walking for more than 10% of the thing. Got 268th! Wasn't last of course but oh well. And then my right hip started hurting again. For those who don't know, I've been experiencing pain in my right hip like since Wednesday. It hurts like hell honestly.

Then Nicholas and Hui Xiong wanted to wait for Hwee Young so I just hanged around there.

Then, something happened. I'm quite upset over it but at least he looked cute while doing it.

Then blah blah went home alone.

And X-Country ended like that.

Because once again, my heart is filled with mixed emotions, I can only express them through... lyrics.

The Top 20 Quotes Part III

Once again, I've selected 20 quotes from songs (you might have seen them before!) to express how I feel.

"If you have decided to believe in yourself, accept the answer, even if it's different from your ideal."
Startin' - Ayumi Hamasaki

"If I throw it out and turn my back, it's rude to the tears that I've shed at that time, isn't it?"
until that Day... Ayumi Hamasaki

"If you want to interrupt me, feel free to your heart's content with words or whatever - I don't waver with such things."
1 LOVE - Ayumi Hamasaki

"If I meet us at that time somewhere, I'd tell them not to feel uneasy about the future."
Born To Be... - Ayumi Hamasaki

"You know? People often say that 'Regret after action is better than regret without action'"."
Bold & Delicious - Ayumi Hamasaki

"It's meaningless to worry about the ending before it starts."
Bold & Delicious - Ayumi Hamasaki

"I'm sometimes seized with too much fear because you're too beautiful."
In The Corner - Ayumi Hamasaki

"You can't get beautiful things just by being beautiful."
Beautiful Day - Ayumi Hamasaki

"What is sad is losing sight of myself for the sake of myself."
Will - Ayumi Hamasaki

"A bird that forgot how to fly will be able to flap its wings once again. Just as how I could start walking again."
winding road - Ayumi Hamasaki

"Reality is a traitor; it's easy to misjudge things."
evolution - Ayumi Hamasaki

"Remember that even if you feel crushed by the weight of this world, there's someone out there who still loves you."
Daybreak - Ayumi Hamasaki

"Beginnings come at random but endings always have a reason."
M - Ayumi Hamasaki

"Choosing only the things you like isn't being irresponsible. If you can't find anything you like, then why accept the responsibility? I only take on the possibilities that I'm ready to accept."
SURREAL - Ayumi Hamasaki

"Today was very sad and even if I were to cry tomorrow, someday the time will come that I can laugh and remember the time that we had together."
SEASONS - Ayumi Hamasaki

"Because I've always defined happiness with my own standards."
Trauma - Ayumi Hamasaki

"Even though you'll never be perfect, you shine in your imperfection."
TO BE - Ayumi Hamasaki

Argh. I ran out of quotes since the focus of this is different. Lol.

Listened to music @ 9:57 PM

♥ Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Argh.My MSN is unable to work cos they said my internet browser can't work or something... then why am I able to blog? Haha. I did a draft of a post i wanted to post yesterday but I knew just now that I deleted it =.= And by the way, if anyone wishes to or has already tried to contact me on my phone through calling/sms... don't bother. My sister borrowed my phone and she lost it. Argh.

Yes, a series of bad things... and there's more.

Well, today I witnessed another classic example of how my mother is biased. So like she cooked some tuna thing for her own consumption in the mornings... and she told me, "I didn't cook for you to eat ah. And you don't just eat it like that and eat everything!"

Well, I used a bread, IIRC. And um, nevermind.

So yeah, then my brother came home and the first thing he did was...

Take a spoon and ate a few mouthfuls of the tuna with comments like "Oh it's so bad", "No mayo? No wonder why it sucks lah"... my mother saw and heard everything and she was like so... nonchalant? I don't know, she was still chatting away with him after that. Despite him calling her a 'stupid idiot' and what not.

Oh wait, he does that all the time.

Sometimes, I get envious, indefinitely. Well, to my mother, I guess my brother means the world to him. Maybe I take Australia, or Antarctica. So anyway, he doesn't really appreciate it. He calls my mother things like "stupid idiot", "stupid", a "bitch" and so on. Honestly, if I had someone to treat me as the world, I wouldn't be so unappreciative towards him. Maybe it's because I'm deprived in my own perception of love that I am so eager to fall in love with other people, so that I would know how love feels like, so that I can just be happy. But... it's unrequited love that ends up having the worst endings ever and yah... heartbreaks. And I'm an idiot, in a sense, because I still believe in love. There are somethings that I just keep believing and thinking that ONE DAY, it'll be like how I dreamed of it... naive and foolish, apparently.

But then again, don't take too much notice of what I've said. The kids in Africa need more attention than me!

Anyway, looking forward for my appointment with Mrs. Patricia Kong tomorrow! Yes, I'm taking counseling... maybe not since I'm just going there to take a personality test. I love doing such things! Haha.

"Supposing that I am the world to someone, would I have appreciated that person? Humans... losing sight of the dearest things they have by their sides... and aiming for what seems to be impossible... losing their dearest on their path to their satisfaction."

I'm satisfied. To be secretly in love with you.

Listened to music @ 10:24 PM

♥ Sunday, February 24, 2008

I wanted to sleep 3 hours ago but I couldn't, so here I am, blogging after watching what I believe is the most beautiful and touching live countdown ever by Ayu.

So, I just finished watching the COUNTDOWN 07-08 LIVE CONCERT (I know, I'm a late bloomer...) and my heart and mind are filled with numerous thoughts about... everything.

But before that, let me do a review of the concert first. You will be bored by this, I know but oh well...

00. starting over
01. talkin' 2 myself
02. STEP you
03. Ladies Night
04. fated
05. Together When...
06. decision
08. Bold & Delicious
10. evolution
11. Boys & Girls
12. glitter
13. untitled ~for her~
14. Sotsugyo Shashin ~acoustic ver.~
15. +
16. Humming 7/4
17. MY ALL

01. talkin' 2 myself

Ayu starts off the concert with this song... as expected it sounded really nice. She did the usual dance routine in the PV and all.

02. STEP you

Ayu appears again in this VERY VERY VERY CUTE school girl outfit!!! it's really adorable! She does the same routine at the beginning like the older concerts. Later on, at the end, Ayu disappears! The male dancers do their own solos with peco and princess (yuck) calling out their names. Then they point to a direction!

03. Ladies Night

Right at the other end of the place, we see the female dancers dancing and Ayu comes out! They just dance and sing the song. Ayu's voice sounded very unclear during the verses but it's prolly cos I downloaded the TV version. By the way, there was this fan that kept jumping and screaming... lol. Ayu then leaves and the dancers have a 'showdown'.

04. fated

A beautiful piano solo is played and accompanied by strings. A short video is shown on the screen. IIRC, it is the performance of part of Me during the ASIA TOUR... the video ends when Shu-ya and Ayu breaks off. Ayu then appears on the stage, singing fated. Shu-ya then appears and start dancing. The song reaches the climax when Ayu and Shu-ya hold hands, but they let go in the end. Shu-ya leaves...

05. Together When...

Looking at the direction where Shu-ya went, the first part of Together When... is played. She starts singing and walks across a platform to where the band and orchestra is at. The singing is spectacular by the way, and I shed ONE tear when she was tearing too... The song ends and there is a female dancer by some silk thing and spinning around/doing acrobatics. The performance ends...

06. decision

Just like the PV, the piano is heard in the darkness and the stage is lighted up suddenly when the drums hit in. Ayu is in a hot and tight red leather suit! She belts out decision with Peco & Princess (yuck)... and P&P ruined everything, seriously. The song ends...


Warning: this performance of SURREAL is Ayu's worst one ever, thanks to certain people. I shall be very rude and cruel towards them so... beware. OMG I HATE PECO & PRINCESS!!! What the hell? They were singing higher notes at some parts of the song and they're overpowering Ayu! They make her sound VERY flat! I really hate Peco & Princess! But the good thing was Ayu looked cool and she walked onto the middle during the performance and there was a raised platform! Ayu kept waving to the fans and she laughed at the last part... hahaha

08. Bold & Delicious

The dancers come in and Ayu belts it out... nothing really extraordinary about this performance but I was really high!


A special video is shown and Ayu speaks in English! She gives an overview of 2007 and they show many footage of her ASIA TOUR!

The stage quietens and Ayu is seen in another costume. The dancers carry candles in their hands and they do a dance... Very tranquil. Ayu starts to sing. And the dance was really good!


Ayu starts the countdown! Glitter falls from the ceiling!


Ayu continues the last part of RAINBOW.

10. evolution
Ayu puts on a glitter hat and sings! The crowd is VERY HIGH at this point of time!

11. Boys & Girls
The audience gets even higher!

12. glitter

Lots of hand-wavings... haha.


13. untitled ~for her~

Ayu starts to sing and she cries! I cried along too... this song is so touching!

14. sotsugyo shashin ~acoustic ver.~

Ayu sings again and this time she's more composed.

~Zin teaches the MY ALL dance~
This part, Zin comes on stage and teach everyone how to do the MY ALL dance! I was following the steps too! And Ayu was like LOLing throughout and it was so cute and funny!

15. +

The audience gets high again!

16. Humming 7/4 (I hate this song!)

Nothing to say.

17. MY ALL
Ayu starts to cry before she even sings... very sad and touching but Ayu tries to smile at the same time! The concert ends on a beautiful note... Ayu rocks!

So ya... my heart is now full of mixed emotions! Ayu has really taught me a lot of things! When I thought about my own 2007, and I compared it with Ayu's... I realized that mine was really nothing.

The loss of her best friend, the break up with Tomoya, the loss of hearing on her left ear... so many things happened in 2007 for Ayu. All that sad emotions, and the anticipation of her 10 year anniversary in 2008... I think that's why she was so emotional throughout the whole concert...

Don't give up, Ayu!

2007, a year has passed. We walked strongly.
And shared the pain, sorrow, and tears.
And I want to share the joy, and I wish you happiness.
I was never alone.
You were never alone.
Yes. We always stick together.
2008, a new starting point. Let's work hand in hand and with pride, heads up.
I still believe in love. Ayu."
- COUNTDOWN message... from Ayu

I can't disagree with what Ayu has said... yes, no one was ever alone! We were always by each other's sides!

Listened to music @ 3:05 AM

♥ Thursday, February 21, 2008

Hi, this is an insight for the past week.

On Wednesday we had a dialogue session with the VP. Well, ours was actually supposed to be on the 4th Mar but due to some unforseen and spontaneous circumstances, another session was brought upon on Wednesday.

Well, so we discussed about what holds the class back from studying and certain pacts we made with the VP. Personally, I felt kind of elated when majority of the class wanted a 10 for L1R5... I think there's hope! Haha.

Next, I'm going to find Mr. Ng on Monday and request to give up (note: it's not drop!) A-Maths... it's really a pain to do it and I really can't handle it. I'm not going to risk anything for now... Just playing safe would be good enough I think.

Anyway, many thoughts have been going through my mind now... strangely, they have nothing to do with love lol. I'm just thinking how sad it is that you know when maybe 2 people know each other but after something like a graduation, they never contacted each other ever again? Like, sometimes I wish that I could be in contact with people like my primary school classmates... but I don't know, there's always something holding me back... like questions such as "How do I continue this relationship with this person?" Feelings are hard to predict and maybe I'm still an immature child who is not ready to face the world yet.

Another thing... about making decisions... yes I made many decisions in this year... and are they all right? I don't know, I really don't know. Fear, guilt... they all linger in me time to time, memories surfacing sometimes, as though reminding me that I did such a thing, and made such a decision... I'm confused.

"Choosing only the things that you like isn't being irresponsible.
If you can't find anything that you like, then why accept the responsibility?
I take only the possibilities that I'm ready to accept."
SURREAL - Ayumi Hamasaki

Don't you find this stanza so true? ... Decisions, dilemmas, paths that we choose. I'm sick of choosing a path that I think is correct and thinking twice when I've embarked on my decision. Is it right to hold back? Is it okay to have regrets? ... I'm confused, again.

Everyone is convinced
That the 'thing' they're searching for
Is in the future
But how many people have realized
That 'it' is actually in the past?
I can't even guess

I saw the end of an era
With my own eyes
But I didn't want to know
That it's my turn next

If, after simplifying it a bit more
You think that 'it'
Merely connects and arranges memories,
Then wouldn't everyone
Already have 'it'?
I want you to realize that.

I saw the end of an era
With my own eyes
And in truth, I actually
Do know that it's my turn next

You'll find me, won't you?
I'm betting that you'll find me.

I saw the end of an era
With my own eyes
But I didn't want to know
That it's my turn next

Duty - Ayumi Hamasaki

How true once again... maybe after reading this post, you'll be confused. Maybe after reading this post, you'll know me more. Maybe... after reading this post, you would think that I am bullshitting. Whatever it is, please understand, it's not my aim for you to understand me through this post/blog... because this blog is me and I am this blog, therefore, these posts are merely reflections of myself... So, please, read these lyrics/quotations! I think they're really deep and I'm going to analyze 'Duty' in my next post... it's very deep and beautiful! Haha the wonders of Literature!

Listened to music @ 9:46 PM

♥ Monday, February 18, 2008

Er Hi.

I've decided on something! I'm going to blog regularly about some daily life and the interesting stuff about life... but I'm not going online. Yes, I've been finding excuses for myself to use MSN but that'll stop... I think I just wish to talk lah lol... I'm such a talkative person...

Well, something else that I've half-decided is that... I want to give up on A Maths. I was doing the A Maths homework on Sunday and just now and it was such a pain... I got a headache and I found them so bloody difficult! I really have no confidence in doing well for A Maths...

Well anyway, today we had some talk by SAJC... Erm lol I have comments about the guy that spoke to us but er nevermind about that... Lol. Well, the JC life tempts me a little but the thought of uniforms, PE and timetables make me cringe... and A Maths too! Yuck!

Then we had some Learning Journey thing. Our destination was... CPF building. Yeah... I was lamed out when I first knew it too but it ended up pretty fun! We played a game called STA$H... a rip-off of Monopoly but still fun! Justin yap and his group singing a birthday song for Leonard is quite LOL-worthy too.

After that, went with Jonas, Joshua, Chris, Quinten and Zen (okay honestly I didn't think they would ask me to follow them or something but oh well!) to some guitar shop in Funan... oh well I have not much of an interest in electric guitars but I must say, watching Ayu's concerts has opened me up a lot to electric guitars. And that's another whole matter.
Then we went to HMV and I checked stuff. Kuu's Kingdom is NOT OUT yet! Purchasing now would mean buying the CD-import which is.. $52.95 omg. I'd wait for the DVD version... hopefully I can!

And the day ends like that.

And something about woes of the family and troubles of band and life:
The world is unfair.

Listened to music @ 10:11 PM

♥ Sunday, February 17, 2008

Hi. I changed my blog's skin back to the old one in 2006 again because I still like it the most.

Well, today (or rather yesterday? lol.) was a very interesting day...

Let's see... woke up at 5 45, bathed, ate breakfast and went for band.

At the canteen at 7, I was all alone and stoning. Then Ms Lee came like 30min later to open up the band room, then Bandits started coming in.

So, we had drills for the first part of the practice. You know how there's this command (sorry don't know how to spell it) where you turn 180 degrees to your left? Yeah, I was doing a lot of that during drills and then it happened.

I turned and twisted my ankle, the left one to be precise. Okay, it's not that serious but it hurt like mad at that time so I left and rested.

Then Mr Chiang came and told us (me and other people who were ill) to go self practice first in the band room. Then there was sectionals, which was surprising good, then main band. After that, Hui Xiong, Nicholas Tan, Hwee Young and I left, wanting to go to HX's house first then go for the outing at Pasir Ris.

But we saw Kevin at the porch and ended up hitching a ride from his father's car. Thanks, Kevin and his dad! So, because we were in a car, we requested to go to Tampines, since Kevin lives there or something. Had lunch at the food court then took MRT to Pasir Ris. We went to the library and while NT and HY were having some Physics lesson, HX and I took books and read. Oh I read books like "What Women don't know about Love and Sex about Men... could fill a book". Haha.

Okay, then we left for the bus interchange... which was just confusing.

We got a call that we should meet the rest already but Leslie still wasn't there and he was supposed to meet us. So we waited for him... but then we couldn't wait lol. NT and HY walked to the park first while HX and I went to the interchange to meet the rest.

At there, we realized that everyone was there except Albert and James.

So, Justin Yap, HX and I waited for the duo where the rest walked there.

Then, we realized we got no butter. So HX and I went to the NTUC to buy chicken wings and butter... in which I wasted $10.80 cos there was like excess chicken wings later on, meaning other people brought them too. AND! the NTUC Aunite scammed my $$$! I paid $2.85 for the butter but she didn't put it in the plastic bag! Omg lor. Felt so cheated by her.

Okay, so we went back and Albert still wasn't there yet. Since we had food with us, HX and I decided to walk there.

Now... everyone else who walked there managed to go there but WE GOT LOST!!!

Yes, walked one whole big round before we found the park and there was some longggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg pathway at the park BEFORE we could reach the BBQ pits. Omg, my poor legs!

Okay then finally we were at there. So we started BBQ-ing and eating and chatting. The whole scene felt like the BLUE BIRD PV... lol very summerish and happy. Haha, I love it.

Then we just talked and talked. Then we went to the beach and took photos... That feeling of the waves on your legs, it's un-describe-able. And I strolled along the beach alone and it was such a tranquil feeling... and I realized it would be so romantic if I could the same thing with the person I love at like 5pm and we would watch the sunset together.

Okay after that we packed up and started doing spastic things like singing the school song and shouting out some chants. People were diao-ing us okay. But heck it, we were having fun. And Albert's Bubbles of Love (Koi no Baboru) hit on the couples on the benches along the longggggggggggggggggggggggggggg pathway... and got weird looks from them instead... Ha---

While the rest either took MRT or 58, Xing Hao, Justin Onggo and I took a taxi to Novena, where Justin lives. Justin paid the $10+ taxi fee... thanks! Xing Hao also paid for the 2 BBQ pits! Thanks!!! Haha. Then walked to the MRT station with Xing Hao and I'm home.

And I found out something very unpleasant when I got to the pits. I shan't say it here but I felt kind of sad... the kind of 'stereotype' that someone can give to a whole group of people... it's sad... and I feel it's unfair but oh well... I couldn't be there to do anything.

All in all, I'm really happy today/yesterday and my feet are hurting like mad now but whatever. Haha.


You were expecting this. You knew it would come... you just do. But this time, it's with a little more variation! I present you...

Top 20 Quotes Part III

"I'll be there for you, away from you."
I'll be there- Koda Kumi

"This year, the happiest thing is to be able to be by your side."
Cherish - Ai Otsuka

"After meeting you, every day of my life has been shining brightly."
Renai Shashin - Ai Otsuka

"Thank you, thank you, thank you. Honey, I love you."
Honey- Ai Otsuka

"I murmured, 'The sun is too bright.' and camouflaged the tears welling up."
BLUE BIRD - Ayumi Hamasaki

"So even if no one in this world knows me, I wish you alone to know me."
ourselves- Ayumi Hamasaki

"Nothing is as nice as the ordinary days."
Greatful days - Ayumi Hamasaki

"It can't only be good days ahead, but..."
independent - Ayumi Hamasaki

"These days aren't bad at all, are they?"
independent - Ayumi Hamasaki

"What are you thinking about now? What can I do for you?"
Dolls - Ayumi Hamasaki

"Don't forget - I will always be by your side though I can do nothing else."
Close to you - Ayumi Hamasaki

"Your face is more beautiful when it's sad."
YOU - Ayumi Hamasaki

"I want to tell someone that that person is more important to me than anyone else."
SURREAL - Ayumi Hamasaki

"In a nonexistent place, I stand as I am. Please be yourself."
SURREAL - Ayumi Hamasaki

"I suddenly try to make a wish on a falling star. Under this sky, I don't think that I want to cry."
Planetarium - Ai Otsuka

"Even if I'm not with you, I can search for memories of the same sort of happiness."
Planetarium - Ai Otsuka

"I didn't cry when I saw you in the past because the sky was clear."
Planetarium - Ai Otsuka

"I miss you. I miss you. I'll never be able to forget you. As I hold onto my heart this fleeting feeling that scattered away with the snow."
you - Koda Kumi

"If everyone forgets those that they have loved, they will again be able to love someone else."
you - Koda Kumi

"I have a wish that I always keep close to my heart - To be at your side, arms linked and blushing, walking along."
anytime - Koda Kumi


I want to stroll along the beach with you and we'll watch the sunset together...

Listened to music @ 12:20 AM

♥ Thursday, February 14, 2008

Well hi. Today is Valentine's day.

Valentine's day is not totally about lovers, it's about your friends too. So while you're out there smooching your girlfriend (or should we say... boyfriend?), please remember your dear friends too.

Anyway, I changed my blogskin! The pictures look like Marionettes, don't they? Haha.

... Nothing much to talk about.

So I'll stop.

Listened to music @ 11:10 PM

♥ Sunday, February 10, 2008


This post is dedicated to MY ALL!!! Actually, I don't have such a person like that now but in the future when I do have one, I'll have this post for MY ALL too read ^^.

So, let's start with some lyrics...

How long
Have we spent time together?

How far
Have we advanced together?

The sparkling crystals
We have left behind

Are now shining proudly here
Though they may not be perfect

I can't say
That it was all fun and joyful
But always, I wasn't alone

I want to show you a dream
I hope you will have a
Never-ending and lasting dream
This is my wish

I want to protect you
Whatever may happen
I'll go on protecting you
With all my might

Even now, I can say definitely
That I don't have a regret

We have always fought it out
With all our might

I had some hard nights
And the days I felt unbearable
But always, I wasn't alone

I see your smile
So dear and dazzling
I'm living every day
To see the smile

I feel your love
Strong and warm
I'm feeling the selfless love
With all my senses

I want to show you a dream
I hope you will have a
Never-ending and lasting dream
This is my wish

I want to protect you
Whatever may happen
I'll go on protecting you
With all my might

MY ALL - ayumi hamasaki

MY ALL, I remember those times we spent together... those laughters and the bliss I felt... I really don't know how to thank you for all these.

Yes, when I fell down so carelessly along this road... it was always you who helped me up... you have never given up on me, no matter how many mistakes I've made... no matter how much I am being myself.

MY ALL, it is impossible to forget all those moments with you... I think about you every night... yes, I just want to spend the rest of my life with you.

MY ALL, I have A LOT of other terms of endearment for you too. You are my Dearest/JEWEL/RAINBOW/HONEY. You are MY ALL!

Listened to music @ 9:20 PM

♥ Saturday, February 09, 2008

Today was a okay day. I went to Jyap's house and honestly thought it was just going to his house for a normal visit but didn't know I needed to bring oranges until Chang Jun told me so. Well, so gave oranges and got Ang Baos. Wow, never expected that either. And at the end, I got the oranges back! That was the MOST unexpected thing. So, yeah while I watch JYap and the others play blackjack, I was reading The Straits Times and laughing at how they got a 28 yo orang utan to 'mate' with Ah Meng in 2005. She's like 45 at the time? LOL. Anyway she died so it's like... a big thing to the country. It's like how Anita Mui died and the impact on Hong Kong. Very big.

Okay, after we left the house, JYap and the others wanted to play pool in Dhoby Ghaut *omg how do you spell this???* and I wanted to shop so we went there together and had lunch then parted. I shopped at City Hall, Somerset and Orchard! All I can say is that Kinokuniya is a big mess and I bought Koda Kumi's BEST ~ BOUNCE & LOVERS ~ and the 'limited' anytime single. Well actually BEST ~B&L~ is supposed to be 'limited' too. But never mind. Wanted to buy the CD only version of KINGDOM that was imported from Japan but it costs a hefty $52.95. For A CD. It's not even the CD+2DVD one lah. So I must wait for another few more days for the Warner Music version (which most likely will SUCK! God LOOK at what you have done to Ayu's GUILTY?!).

Anyway, I noticed that out of the four seasons, summer and winter are like the most popular seasons... I don't know why. People always talk about making love and memories in summer and being sad, emo and alone during Winter. Where's the love for spring and authmn *how do you spell this again...*??? Lol.

Anyway, a new theme for a song I'm writing now.

In this ever changing world, I want to be that never changing thing for you.

Speaking of writing, I got one A4 single line exercise book totally for writing and it's filled up in 2 weeks =.= Back that up with 3 foolscaps papers... omg. Most if not all of them are crap and suck anyway. I don't write for the wish for anyone to sing... I write to save myself; I write to express the locked and trapped thoughts in my head. Those that I don't dare to voice out, for fear of hurting and offending people.

That's how 'useful' words are...

Anyway, this year is spending year. After Kuu's KINGDOM, I am going to buy Ayu's ASIA TOUR DVD and COUNTDOWN 07-08 DVD and whatever she releases... and Madonna and Mariah Carey's new albums! That's a lot. And the secret item too...

Ironic how I've not even earned a single cent for myself but here I am spending money already... Oh well. That's how the world is sometimes - unreasonable and unfair.

Listened to music @ 9:31 PM

♥ Friday, February 08, 2008

Hi, again.

I'm just blogging here to talk about Koda Kumi, who is my 2nd favorite J-Pop singer after the great Ayu.

I don't really make any references to Kuu in this blog but something happened and I felt that I needed to say something. I actually know about this news a few days ago but only decided to blog today when the news has exploded to big proportions.

So in early February, Kuu jokingly joked (notice how I'm emphasizing on joke.) on a radio programme that her manager who just got married should have children soon as women after the age of 35 have rotting amniotic acids in their wombs. Well, basically this sparked off a controversy in Japan as you know they have aging population (like us!) and their royal family's Princess gave birth after 35. So yah, she apologized but it was not settled and Avex actually deleted her website and terminated all promotions for KINGDOM! Like omg, it's a really bad thing for Kuu! And I watched a video of her apologizing yesterday on youtube and she cried... it's a very sad thing.

Anyway, amniotic acids is like you know in those Channel 8 dramas, when a woman's about to labor, she'll be like, "Wo de yang shui po le!!!" Yeah yang shui = amniotic acids.

So, I just felt unjustified for Kuu! I mean, in the past when she wasn't that popular, her company actually called her 'fat and ugly' then after she was forced to have that sexy image that obviously wasn't too popular in Japan cos they only want cute images... she got popular and people started liking her but disrespecting her.

I mean come on, isn't it OBVIOUS that Kuu doesn't want this sexy image???

Looking at the booklet for BLACK CHERRY, that song, Get Up&Move!!! wasn't written by Kuu and it contained that line "You got me really horny".... she doesn't write such things. But all the other songs that she wrote, they're just really cute and lovely kind of songs...

So, she was stating a fact, cos women after the age of 35 really have harder chances of giving birth to a 100% healthy baby... it's TRUE. I hope Japan will forget and forgive this mistake that Kuu made.

So, whatever it is, I'll still buy KINGDOM!

Anyway, I think I'm defending Kuu so much because I can empathize with her... Yes, I'm just like her when she was not popular... people rejecting and insulting her... I really understands how she feels.

What can I say? Music, no matter what aspect of music, is a rat race.

And rat races suck.

Listened to music @ 10:34 PM

♥ Thursday, February 07, 2008

Well it's CNY! Let's start this post off by saying, Happy Chinese New Year to everyone!

Yesterday was the eve so school ended early. The celebration was honestly the worst one out of my 4 years as a Marist. I mean the saving graces are... the CO performance and the Lion Dance? Lol.

Well after that just went home blah blah.

Had a "reunion dinner" with my family. While most families go to a restaurant or cook at home... I had KFC. And I only found out later that I didn't have a reunion dinner after all! Since I didn't have it with my extended family... not counted! Oh well!

The next day was somewhat better. We went to my grandmother's house. In case if you were wondering, my grandfathers died even before I was born and my maternal grandmother died 2 years ago.

So yeah went there collect Ang Baos and had lunch and chatted a while then went home. Honestly we reached there at like 1 and we left 2 hours later. Haha. Anyway, I felt like really sick at my grandma's house. Like bad fever... And I fell asleep on the car... and fell asleep for another 5 hours at home, while enduring that fever. Argh. Anyway had strepsils and the Lemsip thing. It actually worked... shows that the advertisements for it wasn't a scam after all.

Then I went to count the Ang Baos and got $110 in total. And that's about all cos I won't be going to anymore relatives' houses anymore. With $110 and that $80 savings I have... I have enough for that secret item! Haha, oh yeah.

By the way, my parents are so romantic and spontaneous! They announced they're going to Genting like one week ago! It's like omg so sudden! Just the two of them... this'll be fun. Hahaha.

Tomorrow and Saturday and Sunday will be good rest days!

Listened to music @ 11:11 PM

♥ Tuesday, February 05, 2008

I feel like doing this so...

Top 20 Quotes Part II

"The sky that I saw was beautiful and I thought of you. If only I could walk with firm steps, facing forward like you..."
walking proud - Ayumi Hamasaki

"For instance, where I felt despair, you found a beautiful flower."
Flower garden - Ayumi Hamasaki

"People are sad. Are they really? I said they're happy, but you can think that if you want to."
End roll - Ayumi Hamasaki

"So I walk on. You'll too, won't you? With light shining on our two separate paths."
End roll - Ayumi Hamasaki

"It's okay sometimes to think that we were born to be happy."
immature - Ayumi Hamasaki

"People think of love as a train station at which the train doesn't stop. But we had an arrival station and a departure station."
Far away - Ayumi Hamasaki

"Just for having met you, just having loved you, even if we can't share our thoughts, just for that... thank you."
LOVE ~refrain~ - Ayumi Hamasaki

"As long as you didn't let go of my hand, I felt like I could do anything."
still alone - Ayumi Hamasaki

"For you to protect that dream, I couldn't be with you."
still alone - Ayumi Hamasaki

"Sharing one's pain and sadness is easier than done. If I could I would."
And Then - Ayumi Hamasaki

"Good-bye, you never fade in my memory. I didn't even say good-bye to you clearly. It's over."
Over - Ayumi Hamasaki

"I don't love... anymore"
Liar - Ayumi Hamasaki

"The last time that I saw your tears... it was still clinging to my memory."
HOPE or PAIN - Ayumi Hamasaki

"I felt like I knew the meaning of love a little after I met you. If I can finish my penance some day... If I'm forgiven some day..."
HAPPY ENDING - Ayumi Hamasaki

"But I have no right after all that to tell the definition of happiness."
HAPPY ENDING - Ayumi Hamasaki

"Well, I know better than anyone else that a happy ending never suits me."
HAPPY ENDING - Ayumi Hamasaki

"I don't ask for you to forgive me some day but if you're fighting alone now... That's the definite sign for me."
criminal - Ayumi Hamasaki | personal response to this quote : You're not fighting alone; I don't get any sign.

"Please don't smile with such sorrowful eyes, as if you were about to be broken and disappear... What can I do, my dear?"
Because of You - Ayumi Hamasaki

"I shouted your name in tears. I wish I wouldn't wake up, if it was a dream."
fated - Ayumi Hamasaki

"I wanted to say 'I love you' but I couldn't say 'I love you'. I felt that it was my biggest lie and the truth."
Together When... - Ayumi Hamasaki

Anyone remember the song I wrote about the incident? If just one person told me to post it , I would, tomorrow.

I'm just sad. =(

Listened to music @ 9:39 PM

I'm very sad now.

These few days have been so life-draining I don't know if I have anymore energy to continue.

Something happened yesterday and only a few people know what it is... It's just so depressing that I have to write 5 songs to express that depressing feeling? I'm really sorry, HORSEGRAMS... I'm just really sorry, even though I know you won't bother about such an insignificant apology... I'm still sorry.

I try too hard and I'm over-assuming.

To look on the brighter side of life... my appeal for HCl worked and I'm back in having lessons with Xing Han again. Cause for celebration? Maybe.

And the thing I wanted to buy... I've got the estimated prices. Definitely within my budget. Haha.

... Even after typing these two happy things, I'm still sad.

Just a few days ago, one of my classmates told me that he calls this person "Jun Xiang's husband!" for the past few weeks.

I'm so grossed out by that. How could anyone go through such a humiliation. I mean does it even matter now whether I love that person or not? It's just insulting and I feel so guilty about it. All because of me, once again. A thousand sorries can't even make up for anything... I'm really sorry.

I'll be posting the main song about that incident tomorrow maybe. Too lazy to take my lyric booklet (yes I got one) out.

Endless sorrow.

Listened to music @ 5:15 PM

♥ Sunday, February 03, 2008

And the guilt still lingers in me...

As the weather gets colder throughout today... I just got sadder.

Sometimes, some situations and conditions and endings are so surreal that you just can't accept it... But oh well. Nothing beats knowing that you have given your all! =|

Oh by the way.

You know =) means happy and =( means sad? There are many other official variations but let's not go to there for now.

I made a new one for myself. Maybe it's not new and someone else's using it but er. Okay nevermind.

=| means happy yet sad... and like don't know what to do that kind of feeling.

So anyway, I'm having a tough time deciding on something... I really don't know. Yeah, it's like I'm sandwiched!!! Bitches don't have the best lives... =|

So, to express my words better... A song. (Strange how I can find an Ayu song for EVERYTHING)

If we tell too much

The truth becomes blurred
Because words are sometimes so powerless
And disturb our thoughts

You see? Please don't ask me
You see? If I was right

Yes, I go
Whatever unreasonable place may be waiting for me
And even if it may sound sadly to your heart
That I'll just have to remain myself

The road I chose when I was young
Was that of no turning back
That was the first and the last resolution
The future was yelling in the distance

You see? My past self of that day
You see? Is nodding behind me

Yes, I go
I walk on with my chin up without looking back nor running away
Some day you will understand
That I'll just have to remain myself

The wind is blowing strongly against me
The cold is piercing me unusually
Now I reach out straight and forward
With my hand numbed with freezing cold

Yes, I go
Whatever unreasonable place may be waiting for me
I must accept myself
That I'll just have to remain myself

Listened to music @ 9:12 PM

♥ Friday, February 01, 2008

The last few days of January leading into February was bad. Wait, I mean it was very bad; horrible.

Remember that previous post of mine. I'm afraid to 'announce' that this is not the end of it, meaning there are more implications.

Well, it's not the MacDonalds thing, and it's not the acids killing people.

It's about Miss Jazliah.

I'm sure everyone in the class witnessed the extreme change in her mood and attitude today when she came in for lesson.

You can tell it, in her voice, in her body posture, in her words, and most importantly, in her eyes.

I don't know if she's going to request to stop teaching because of this, but still, I said it already. If Miss Jazliah is not going to teach this 4I for Chem, that means the best Chem teachers - Miss Aida and Jazilah will NOT be in our class. Therefore I'd get certain Chem teacher whom I absolutely detest. So, I will appeal to change classes. At least during Chem.

I hope she doesn't lose hope in teaching just because of us. It's not worth it, it just isn't. It will never be. NEVER EVER.

And, for those who're interested. The former HOD of Science, Miss Goh, is going on some course so she'll be away. Guess who was appointed to stand in for HOD for this period of time. Yes, it's our dearest Miss Jazliah.

This was like a few days ago only? And Then now there's this acid scandal, which'll seriously affect her. People are gonna question her authority... "This was the teacher we appointed to stand in for Ms. Goh? LOL OMG!!!"

It's gross if others think that way. Because we all know it's not Miss Jazliah's fault. IT'S OUR FAULT. People are still complaining that she was 'throwing tantrums' or whatsoever during lessons. WHATEVER.

Please grow up already, please LEARN how to put yourselves into other's shoes for once, for the love of God. Please just stop being so immature.

Miss Tan said today, "I'm trying not to let you people affect me."

It's inhumane. It's cold. It's without compassion. But we all know Miss Tan had to do it to protect herself.

As what Miss Jazliah said today, "Maybe if I didn't bother you people so much, maybe if I didn't bother to waste my time thinking of remedial for you people, I would be just angry over this incident. I'm more disappointed than angry, you know?"

Perhaps, if we don't all of us into something, we wouldn't be so hurt.

I feel so GUILTY for dragging Miss Jazliah down like that. It just sucks.

The next thing.

It was decided that the sec4s wouldn't go for Alumni and thus not play for NBC after the April concert. Yes, it was our decision to study for O' Levels.


We were so selfish and irresponsible.

You see? We waited for Nicholas Tan to be present before we dared to tell Mr. Chiang about this. And whenever we want to tell Mr. Chiang, Nicholas Tan isn't there. So we have never told Mr. Chiang about this matter.

Fredy called me just now. He knows about this matter, somehow. And he's not happy. He's not selfish; he's not pissed cos we're not playing for NBC, he's pissed cos we didn't tell anyone.

"Next time can you just your brain?" - paraphrased from Fredy over the phone.

Perhaps people reading this blog (like who would) now would prolly think that Fredy was so evil and harsh. But, I think he's right.

I don't understand why we didn't dare to tell, like we're committing a crime, why we need Nicholas Tan to be present.

Sometimes I feel so immature and timid that I'm afraid to face this world in the future. I really am.

And I'm feeling equally GUILTY about this matter as to Miss Jazilah's case.

So, to express my feelings even better... another song.

However far I escape, I can't have a clean escape
How far does my past chase after me?

I wonder if my pass will catch up with
And pass me before long

Forgive me that I don't tell this to you

Please don't ask me anymore
Leave me this way now
And let me make an obvious excuse

Please don't smile
Hiding your distant mind behind your eyes

You already know that, don't you?

Please don't say anymore
Leave me just a bit more
And let me tell a sweet lie

- 'GUILTY', Ayumi Hamasaki

Listened to music @ 9:12 PM