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♥ Thursday, November 29, 2007

Escaping into nights, I told myself
That I was not all alone
But after all, it revealed
Nothing but my loneliness day by day

On my way home from the bustle of the city
Though it was no different from any other day
I thought I would repeat such pattern of life
And tears welled up suddenly

Feeling weak and wretched
Uneasy and lonely
I wanted some warmth
In a faint voice

But it was certain you appeared suddenly
And a ray of light shone in my darkness
You smiled a little, told me it's all right with a nod
Took my hand and started to walk

I saw an angel's wings on your back

It was not because I wanted to be dull to pain
That I wished to be strong

I was helped and supported by you
We gave and forgave each other
I got what I wanted to protect
On that day

Sometimes you are too unprotected
And come face to face with me with all your might
It's so dazzling
That I don't have time for a blink

You have an angel's wings on your back

I heartily hope that you will not be a victim
Of this sad age
I sing this song today just as I pray
So that my dearest wish will reach you

"ANGEL'S SONG - Hamasaki Ayumi"

I wonder how many prayers will I need to say so that you can feel happier. Because if anything, I can't be any happier when you're not.

So anyway, this post should be done yesterday night but the lazy me can only delay it till tonight. So tonight's post will be divided into 2 parts.

So anyway, if anyone is like me, noticing the styles of celebrities and their fashion etc, you will notice one very important thing.

You will get an easier life being a fashion designer for females, as compared to males.

WHY?

Because there are just more ideas for females. Let's analyze this, shall we? (Discontinue reading if you're not interested in fashion, instead skip to Part 2 for more lyrics and a PINK discussion.)

So, everyone knows that some dresses/apparel for women have glitter on them. It's shiny, it's pretty, it's nice. Ever imagine Brad Pitt or someone like him wearing a tuxedo with glitter on it on the red carpet? No? It's natural anyway. Because no male celebrity has worn a glitter tuxedo/suit/shirt/whatever on the red carpet before. Just on this one, fashion designers have one less idea to design clothing for men. That being said, it's of course feasible for them to design clothing with glitter for men, just don't be afraid to get flamed for making them look gay. Why is glitter gay anyway?

Next, how many colors on female celebrities clothing have you seen? Black, white, silver, gold, red, yellow, orange, green, brown, purple, pink, and many more. How about men? Black, DARK blue and er, that's about all. And maybe white too but that's pathetic. Why hasn't anyone thought of designing some pink shirt or even a rainbow one for men? I'm speechless as I contemplate this. Hmm. Why is pink gay anyway?

So, there are a lot of designs for women. You get bareback, low cut, dress, skirt, blouse, or even androygous (I think that's the correct spelling.) But what about men again? Tuxedos, suits. That's ALL. I find hard to imagine any male celebrities wearing shorts to the red carpet. There's mini-skirts for women right? Perhaps it's the leg hair. That's why all male singers wear lonnnngggg pants in their concerts. It's getting boring. Is leg hair gay? Omg. If it isn't, then I don't know why shorts are not in vogue.

Then there's jewels. Women have necklaces, bracelets, brooches, earrings, rings and many more. Men? It's quite rare to see a male celebrity wearing rings, or earrings. Tsk tsk tsk. Are jewels a taboo for men? Omg, even women are keeping dogs, MEN'S best friend now. So why can't men wear a woman's best friend? Oh well.

Lastly, hair. Bob, bangs, fringes, long hair, medium-long hair, androygous (correct me if I'm wrong please) hair, many more. Those are all on women. Bob/short hair is apparently in style now, with the likes of Rihanna, Ayu, Cyndi, Jolin, Angela. Long hair of course is not bad either with the likes of Britney Spears and er I can't think of anyone else for now cos bob/short hair is really in vogue now. For men? I admit that longer hair is getting popular now, but except for being bald which is ugh fugly, what other styles can men have that women won't want to have?

So, looking at this, are you going to agree that it's much harder to do design clothes for men?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part 2.

I keep on singing
So that my voice may reach you

I tell you
And I'd like you
To tell someone
"You are not alone"

Once we talked and thought
About the distant future
We are now standing at that place

We dreamed fantasies
In our infancies
They are now unfolding surreally before our eyes

But I never forgot your profile
When you said firmly
With tears in your eyes
That you would never be beaten

I keep on singing
So that my voice may reach you
I hope that you will walk on without giving up
Till the time we can meet again
Please show me your usual smile then

One thing I've realized is
This road will continue as before

Whatever wind may blow us
Under the sky of whatever color
You might as well smile

I leave this song here
Instead of saying good-bye
I hope you will walk on without giving up
Till the time we can meet again
Even if you may sometimes shed a secret tear

"Replace - Hamasaki Ayumi"

I hope that you will never give up, at least for yourself.

Anyway, as I have promised, a pink discussion.

In the hospital, where babies are give birth. The room where they're all kept at, there are blue and pink blankets. Blue means boy, pink means girl.

Many years later, the girl could be donning a blue blouse, or a blue dress but everyone would not find that a big deal. But if the boy wore a pink shirt or something like that, people will be looking at him strangely as though he made a mistake.

Why?

Why is pink associated with girls all the time? Cos it's 'soft'? That's so, a ridiculous explanation. I think one day, people might just band pink from boys.

I'm so stunned by how the imbalance is... People keep saying that women are like sexually discriminated and all that. Utter BS. Duh, women keep so many things that tradition has bestowed upon them that men cannot have or else they're gay or some ridiculous assumption. That includes pink, glitter and very long hair.

SO, I want pink to be socially accepted. That's why I have pink stuff everywhere. Next target, a pair of pink flip flops (thanks to Xink for that idea).

Cya




Listened to music @ 11:48 PM

♥ Wednesday, November 28, 2007

We will shine more brightly this summer
Just making the most out of the present

I'm remembering this time last year
And this time long ago
What I want has not changed after all
Yes, still believe in love!

Strangely I remember clearly
The night when I was weeping alone
But I have no regrets
Yes, cause believe in love!

Wo wo wo, I've become an adult
No no no, unfortunately
Wo wo wo, but I don't the stop the acceleration yet

We will shine more brightly this summer
We certainly feel our heartbeats of excitement
Wherever we may go in future
Please just make the most of the present

What exactly is the change?
That I can't cry in sad times
That I can't cry in sad times
So, I'll be with you!

Wo wo wo, what is precious?
Yeah yeah yeah, it's your smile
Wo wo wo, I feel sure I can fly for the sake of it

Our new journey will start this summer
I faintly sense uneasiness in the distance
Let's go to find the way again today
To that place we are dreaming of


You see? I think I know for certain
The reason of your smile and the meaning of your words

"glitter - Hamasaki Ayumi"

Today is the start of the posting of 6 summer/cute/happy songs from Ayu. The reason why I've decided to this is because I wish to increase my happiness. (Greedy me!)

Anyway, I guess that I have learned a lot in this year. It's almost December and the worst year of my life after 2000 will be over. What have I learned?

Clearly, the most important lesson is that as a friend, regardless of how good a friend you are, it is critical to know that your friend whom you regard as the best friend is still a human. That means that he/she/it has his/her/its own life and own circle of friends. Wishing that you will be his/her/its own and only is being selfish. That's the most major mistake that I've committed this year and as a result I experienced 9 months of sadness (it's not depression).

I guess in the end, what's the most important is what makes your friend happy. Perhaps in the end, you'll realize that you aren't the key factor. That was what I learned. So basically, such a case could have only happened to me so far so don't think it too seriously, okay?

But in the end, it's still okay to dream...

“寂寞要自己负责。。。”

Translation:
"I need to be responsible for my loneliness..."

Cya.


Listened to music @ 8:55 PM

♥ Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Under the grey and square sky
Is filled with all kinds of desires today
But I don't lose sight of the light among them
And can walk, looking forward
Because you always show me
That there remains a purity even in a corner of this city

Breathing calmly, I looked at you
Who had fallen asleep, so exhausted
The sweet, unprotected profile
That no one in the world but me knows

One day when the sunlight poured and the wind blew gently
As if it were nothing special
I felt alone that something was changing in me
Slowly, firmly and surely

Though I wasn't sad at all, tears fell down
Because your feelings sank painfully into
The scar in the depth of my heart
And changed it into tenderness

If you come across deep sorrow
I wish you will share it with me
I'll be able to do anything for the smile
My precious treasure
My precious treasure

"JEWEL - Hamasaki Ayumi"

... That is how much you mean to me.

Well anyway I find the weather of Singapore really lol sometimes. As everyone says, "Tiz the season to be jolly!" So it's snowing and you imagine all the pretty snowflakes falling down from the sky and all that but it's sooo not that here. In fact we get strong winds and heavy rain... it's like nice synchronization with winter. Haha!

Anyway had a talk with Mr. Chiang, Fredy and ZC at the airport. So we were talking about my section which REALLY should be the best section out of the whole band, seeing as 6 out of the 7 trumpeters are from primary school band. (In case if you were wondering, I am that odd one out.) So anyway, they told me to be more fierce so I think I will have to do it lor. It's time to bring out the PMS in me.

Oh well... There really is nothing much to talk about these days right. I think I'll just randomly post lyrics to lengthen my posts >.< lol.

C Y A

Listened to music @ 11:32 PM

♥ Saturday, November 24, 2007

Tsk tsk tsk Fredy socializes with his section members during combined band in TPJC...

I'm not anti-social lor... just that it's to a certain extent, wrong, to talk during combined band... I'd much prefer to speak to Justin before/after band, which I do anyways...

Anyway, end of spaziness! I'm going to talk about thinking too much...

You know, I am quite a sensitive person, and it's not that sort of sensitiveness towards other people's feelings and all that, but rather sensitiveness to the actions and words of other people and how I perceive them.

Confusing? Bleah, it's prolly due to my bad English, but to say it in a "simpler" form, it'd mean I'm sensitive, not so much towards how others feel and all that, but more towards how I think and analyze what others do and say to me.

Weird but... I am weird.

So anyway, I think that really kills me sometimes. I get depressed and what have you often because I am too sensitive. Little and insignificant things that other people do or say, I'd exaggerate it and make it seem like a big thing, then behaving like the world has ended or something...

It kills me, really.

So, from now on, little things that people do... I'm going to try not to think too much about them. This is after all, not some story that I have to analyze, so keep it simple? Haha.

After all, humans are humans. We joke around and all that, and it's such a wet blanket to be a over sensitive person... I mean, sometimes people like me should just join in the fun... and not think so much about behavior/words and all that... it dampens my spirits, a lot.

So, that only means I'll be happier. Haha, waves of happiness keep coming, don't they?

I'm lovin' it.

Listened to music @ 10:22 PM

♥ Thursday, November 22, 2007

Hi, this post is a rant about my family, so do exit if you get offended at the thought of a 15 year old getting depressed about his family.

Next, I promise not to use profanities, so... I'd not use it.

So, my house (not home) has 2 computers. One computer, is 100% only used by my brother, cos everyone else in the house is afraid of him so no one dares to use that computer.

So, that leaves the other one? Which is shared by 4 people.

Now, I let my sister use the computer from the moment she wakes up to like 10pm. Considering the fact that she wakes up at about 10am every day, that's about 12 hours per day for her. Now, add in the fact that I have band on some days, and coming back home at 11-12 on those days only make her usage of the computer longer.

So nevermind about, I'm used to using the computer for only 2-5 hours.

So tonight, I was restarting the computer, cos I always need to when I start to use it, if not the internet will lag. So restarting the computer takes about 10 minutes.

I sat on the sofa to watch Tab TV while waiting for the computer to restart.

Then it happened.

My father jumped onto the computer without asking me at all, and proceeded to his Chinese-learning website where they teach you how to pronounce Chinese words. Something like an online dictionary.

I felt unjustified at that point of time, cos I only get to use the computer from 10pm? He could have really chosen an earlier time, to be precise, a period of time out of the 12 hours that my sister is using. It's like asking for more protection fee from a pauper and not asking for any from a rich guy. Oxymoron much?

So anyway I shouted (and my throat still hurts) at him that it's unfair that he needs to pick 10pm to check his Chinese words.

Then, he said "I've had enough of you" and "why are you shouting?!" before he resorted to violence.

Now, to really rebuke those 2 quotations.

"I've had enough of you"... Why should you be? Am I that rude and loud and disrespectful child? I mean, if you do live in my house and experience and witness what my siblings do, you will know that I'm NOWHERE close to them in terms of being disrespectful to parents.

My sister shouts at my father all the time, always saying "I'm going to put you in an old folks' home when you grow old", "I will hit you when you grow old", or simply, take an umbrella and start to hit him.

My brother on the other hand, will just shout, with a touch of profanities.

So... that compared to "WHY ARE YOU USING THE COMPUTER?! JUST GET AWAY FROM IT NOW!" You judge. I guess I was being rude too but 'I've had enough of you'?... Overkill, I say.

Speaking of which, you don't suppose that I've had enough of this house and the people in it? Seriously, I'm forced to stay at home during the holidays, not because of studies, it's because I need to babysit my sister, who for the love of anything, is eleven.

I get forced to skip band several times to babysit her, but of course I refuse, which only lead to threats such as "wait till the day when I don't give money to you".

I mean, imprisoned at home for a lame reason is really really unfair?

Besides, my sister is already eleven!!! Omg.

Next, have you ever wondered why I have such low self-confidence and low self-esteem, especially during band? Oh wait, you don't, cos you NEVER attend my concerts; basically you don't care about band. So... why? It's because of this house and the people inside it! I get shouted and scolded at for the slightest reason, get treated unfairly at home, it's like I'm staying in some prison instead of staying at a cosy home. My low self-confidence and self-esteem are all thanks to you guys! You don't know how much I envy those people who have so much self-confidence in themselves, their courage is something I could never have.

Many people say that childhood is the best period of their lives. They always say, "I wish I was eight again." To be honest, eight years old was the worst age in my life, because of personal reasons.

Whatever that you people have said, I still remember all of them you know? I'm not who forgets things easily, I just don't bother to bring them up.

Anyway, I can confidently say that if I were to die in the next 10 minutes, my teenage life would be the best period of time for me, not childhood.

Okay, so I am in band and you guys are not happy with it. But have you ever considered WHY am I in band in the first place?

*Flashback... 2 years ago*

It was CCA day and I got that form where you were supposed to fill in your choices of CCA. I remember vividly that Archery Club was my first choice; band was not in any of those choices.

Because of a few words that my brother said, about band being an 'easy and slack' CCA, you guys forced me to join band? Because of you, I hated band for 6 months!

Now that my passion for band and music has increased to such a OMG level, you guys start to blame me? Now now now... if you cohere me into joining band two years ago, would I like band in the first place? You believed my brother cos of his words! For God's sake, he skipped band every Saturday! Duh, it's sooooo slack and easy for him!

And because you hate band, and hate me being in it, you start to bring me down with words.

"You are not going to be some professional musician anyway", "Band is useless", "I don't wish to waste my time by going for your concert", "I am not going to embarrass myself by asking for sponsorship for your stupid concert!"

Whoa, thanks a lot for those quotations.

Fortunately, I've a bunch of friends whom I can turn to and all that. You don't know how much I love them more than you.

Do I hate you people? I don't really know either. All I know is that I don't want you people to die or anything, just for you all to straighten out your thoughts and stop blaming for almost everything.

P.S. If you guys didn't know, there was a period of time where I secretly told masterclasses and had to stop cos the teacher needed to leave overseas, and also because I don't have $$$ to pay anymore.

I don't know if being treated as such is in a way "preparing" me for the harsh life outside, but I know that many say that home is the one place you can count on, or something like that. Simply meaning that family is one group of people you can you know tell your troubles, and that no matter what, they will be your side and all that. ... I know my family are not like that.

Hey, I just got a scolding from my mother, cos I was 'blasting my music'... Hmm, well I did cos I was so upset about the thing that happened just now. And she dragged to studies. Sometimes I wish that I can be as dao as my brother, or as fierce as my sister.

... Basically, I don't really like my family, but anyway it's like the whole world is going to stop just because they suck or anything. Neither are everyone whom I know going to console me the moment they finish reading this... just because it's human nature.

Perhaps this case of mine is simply minor to those cases of family problems in the Chicken Soup series, but hey you never know if I've actually faced physical/psychological/sexual abuse before right? Just cos I've never mentioned it... never mind.

Anyway, that is the end of the rant. I'm trying hard not to cry now because I know it's not going to be worth it, but whatever. End rant!

Listened to music @ 10:27 PM

♥ Tuesday, November 20, 2007

You know... when you listen to songs, and your mood just changes with them?

For one, I know that is what happens to me.

So, when I am in a bad situation, or when something phenomenal happens, and I happen to be listening to a depressing song, I'll cry. When a cheerful song plays, I'd smile, for the sake of it.

Now, things have changed. =) I don't cry anymore when I listen to sad songs, except for one, cos it's just, sad. Then, I truly smile at the cheerful songs... The real smiles.

I'm actually planning of making a playlist full of cheerful songs, and nothing except them. It matches my current situation, and it will brighten up my day... I'm sure of it.

So, yeah I'm happy now, and it's just nice. I like it. Oh, I'm sounding like a... I don't know.

Next post in the next few days is going to be about pink; in case if anyone was wondering.

Listened to music @ 10:26 PM

♥ Sunday, November 18, 2007

Zzz I thought Jolin's "Prologue" was a happy song but I only realized after really reading analyzing the lyrics that it's emo... so much for thinking that it was my current situation song... Zzz omg lol...

Oh well, I have another one in mind... Which can make me cry and smile at the same time... My bilingual skills shall be put into use!

我喜欢你 紧握我的手
一股安全的暖流
渗透到胸口

我喜欢你 叫我的语气
理直气壮的粗鲁
却有私密的亲昵

好想你 不停止
好想你 我爱你
写在手心
你笑容 你触碰
还是让我心动
好想你 不停止
好想你 我爱你
给我勇气
那包容 那悸动
都是我珍藏的内容

我喜欢你吻我的时候
看你专注地低头
像永远不够

我喜欢你叫我的名字
一副若无其事的
又像公开的秘密

好想你 不停止
好想你 我爱你
写在手心
你笑容 你触碰
还是让我心动
好想你 不停止
好想你 我爱你
给我勇气
那包容 那悸动
都是我珍藏的内容

好几次我怕会来不及
还没抱够你
不管我是你几分之几
我只要爱你

好想你 不停止
好想你 我爱你
写在手心
你笑容 你触碰
还是让我心动
好想你 不停止
好想你 我爱你
给我勇气
那包容 那悸动
都是我被爱的光荣

Note: This song is HARD to translate...

I like it when you hold my hands so firmly
It gives me a safe and warm feeling in my chest

I like how you call me
So straightforward and rough but as if there's a personal closeness

I miss you and I can't stop
I miss you and I love you
I'll write it on your palm
Your smile and your touch
Still stirs my heart
I miss you and I can't stop
I miss you and I love you
Give me courage
That containment and that movement
Are contents that I've treasured

I like it when you kiss me
Looking at you with your head down concentrating; it's never enough

I like it when you call my name
So indifferent yet like an open secret

I miss you and I can't stop
I miss you and I love you
I'll write it on your palm
Your smile and your touch
Still stirs my heart
I miss you and I can't stop
I miss you and I love you
Give me courage
That containment and that movement
Are contents that I've treasured

There are so many times when I'm afraid it'll be too late;
I've not hugged you enough yet
I don't care how much I mean to you
I just want to love you

I miss you and I can't stop
I miss you and I love you
I'll write it on your palm
Your smile and your touch
Still stirs my heart
I miss you and I can't stop
I miss you and I love you
Give me courage
That containment and that movement
Are the glory of being loved

Omg that looks like some lol translation... I need to brush up on my Chinese... there are at least a few phrases in there that I don't understand at all, resulting in the usage of Chinese dictionaries lol.

Anyway, hearing to this song makes me cry and smile sometimes... It's not a depressing song but yet it's so touching... I'll post the video here too. Not that anyone will watch it... but easier for me to watch ^^



See ya.

Listened to music @ 10:14 PM

♥ Friday, November 16, 2007

All right I changed my blog skin!

This time it's the wonderful Jolin but unfortunately that bloody blogger bar on the top of the blog can't be removed so the top part of her face in the purple dress is well cut off. By the way I hate orange (along with red and yellow) like anything but this is prolly the best Jolin blog skins available.

Anyway this post is going to be about Jolin in general so I'll just be defending her all the way.

1) People say... Jolin is a poser!
Yeah, everyone says that Jolin copies Ayumi, Madonna, Kylie Minogue and what have you but I think everyone forgot one important point --- she's merely drawing ideas from them.

I mean, the only thing that I think that she really really really copied was Ayumi's nails but besides that, I don't really see how she is a poser.

Her latest album, Agent J, is something that the aforementioned 3 very wonderful performers had not done yet. Dancing Diva, anyone? She is basically also doing her own style; and that is dance music.

One very absurd thing that I've discovered is that people think Jolin's copying Ayumi's videos, and they display it by 3 songs/videos. 许愿池的希腊少女 (The Greek Girl by the Wishing Pond), 柠檬草的味道 (The Smell of the Lemon Grass) and 野蛮游戏 (J-Game).

(a) So people said Jolin's MV for TGGBTWP is copied from one of Ayumi's MVs... Er, which one? Honestly, the only vague resemblance to any of Ayumi's MVs in this song is my name's WOMEN? Even so, Jolin perceives the nightgown dance in a totally different style. Therefore... copy? Copy what? Zzz

(b) The sparks scene in TSOTLG is similar to the MV of Ayumi's HANABI ~episode II~. Okay, this one is a little tricky but I actually thought that Jolin was copying Ayumi as well when I saw the PICTURES. BUT, watching the videos for both songs, I can only come up with one conclusion --- it's total BS. Ayumi's so called sparks are actually fireworks, and Jolin's those sparks that children play in the mooncake festival.

(c) Prolly the most absurd comparison, I've read reviews that say that J-Game is copying Ayumi cos "Ayumi released an album with the word 'Game' in it". Hello? Firstly, Ayumi's is GAME, not Game. Next, she NEVER released an album called GAME/Game... GAME was a song from her MY STORY album. So... much BS again.

Although I can tell from Jolin's songs that she draws inspiration from many wonderful singers, she does put her dash of magic into it. The worst thing ever to say about her is that the era where Jay Chou wrote and composed songs for her was the best, and she's a flop now. Cos that's not true. If anything, I personally feel that the songs Jay did for her were just okay... good ones only have like 5?

And about Jolin's G-Nai/sharper nose... She does look different but the media is all pulchritude anyway.

SO... zzz please stop bashing Jolin cos I don't think she deserves all that... So yeah.

Listened to music @ 10:54 PM

♥ Thursday, November 15, 2007

Hi.

Hmm... I don't really know what to blog these days... Ahaha

Just that I feel very fortunate/happy/high now, I'm in the so called "ideal state". I guess.

Even listening to very sad songs now, I can't really cry anymore. = )

Sometimes, happiness doesn't have to be this and that... I guess it can just be very simple, I suppose.

Haha. Happy.

Listened to music @ 10:17 PM

♥ Monday, November 12, 2007

Okay, I know that today was sectionals for TPJC so I decided to go.

Brass sectionals - 3pm to 5pm.

The usual naive me supposed that going from Toa Payoh to Tampines SHOULD take about an hour, so I decided to board 28.

28 came at 14 10. Oh s***! 10 minutes late.

I brushed that off and lala the bus took off.

Justin sms-ed me halfway, with this sms

*Paraphrasing* "Call me when you reach school"

I thought he meant call him when I reached TPJC... and it wasn't until when I told him that the bus just went past the Paya Lebar MRT station that I realized that what he meant was

CALL HIM WHEN THE BUS IS AT MSHS!

Gosh... Klutz signal (1)

Okay, so he said he's gonna be super late so he decided not to go.

OMG?

That leaves me, alone, in a whole group of people who are at least 2 years older than me... Bad bad bad...

But still, I decided to go.

So lalala the bus SLOWLY moves on... onward to Tampines.

I sms-ed Mr. Chiang at about 14 50+ saying that I'm gonna be late cos 28 was only at Bedok. Obviously I didn't know that Bedok was like next to Tampines or something.

Klutz signal (2)

So, 28 was in Tampines! Now, Tampines is so freaking huge it has like 9 avenues and 40+++ streets that I got blown away. Anyway, I do know that TPJC is in Avenue 9 so I waited for 28 to be at that area.

I alighted at the so called Ave 9 but oh gosh I was in some HDB area.

Klutz signal (3)

The time was 15 15 and I wandered around Street 41 of Tampines while endeavoring to find a bus stop that had a 29. I finally found one after making one turn and walking a lot.

The problem is, before I made the turn, I saw a 29 past me.

Meaning? I'll need for about 15 minutes for another 29 to come.

15 15, another 15 min makes it 15 30... assuming the bus trip takes about 15 min, I'll reach TPJC at 15 45! And it's not the end cos there's some uber slope to cover... meaning I'll reach the band room at approx 16 00.

Deciding that it was gonna be a waste of time if that was true, I crossed the road and boarded some random bus with 3 digits to get to Tampines Central.

Then, I decided to take a MRT to get back to Toa Payoh.

Guess what guys? Taking an MRT is MUCH MUCH MUCH faster to get to Tampines from Toa Payoh than to take 28!!!

28 --- about 1 hour and 15 minutes.
MRT --- about 30 minutes.

Hmph. Like omg I was laughing at my own stupidity.

Klutz signal (4)

So I didn't go for the sectionals, despite me wanting to go.

Mr. Chiang called me at um 18 45.

He told me it'd be faster if I took the MRT instead and the only thing I could say was 'I figured that out on my way home when I took the MRT"

And all he could was to laugh, a lot.

Like LOL.

Oh well.

I'll know what to do next time.

I am a Klutz!

But I'm Agent JX too...

So I guess I'm a Klutzy Agent lol.

Yep that ends the day.

Listened to music @ 11:38 PM

♥ Sunday, November 11, 2007

是我越来越想你
还是隐形了自己
小心翼翼你的语气
配合你的表情

当我在朋友的陪伴,我露出了笑容,仿佛自己的生活无忧无虑。但是,没有朋友的陪伴的我,你知道多少?

我的好胜心为你舍弃

以为这就是爱情
只到自己 没空气
才发现不能再继续

你常说,能够看出我其实非常伤心,而努力保持微笑的脸,已经被你看穿了。有时候,我真的希望你能再次看穿我这张带着快乐的脸,而从中发现我对你的思念,后悔和内疚。。。

我不愿意再为了讨你的欢喜
别让我的心像是上紧发条的节拍器

我的呼吸慢慢跟不上节拍器
最初的设定 我们交叉在不同平率
归零

也许我应该停止这样的假装,逼自己去忘记,好让我会开心一点。可是,我很想你快乐。。。

是我越来越想你
还是隐形了自己
小心翼翼你的语气
配合你的表情

被你这样地痛恨着,我感到不公平,好想自己很委屈似的。

我的好胜心为你舍弃
以为这就是爱情
只到自己 没空气

才发现不能再继续

我是愚蠢,还是想补偿?

我不愿意再为了讨你的欢喜
别让我的心像是上紧发条的节拍器

我的呼吸慢慢跟不上节拍器
最初的设定 我们交叉在不同平率
放弃

只 到现在,你还再埋怨我曾经对你下的诅咒。。。“你永远都不会是最好的”,那是我当所说的话。真的很像咒语。。。但是我的意思并非如此。。。我想说的是,一 山还有一山高,你永远都不会是最好的,所以,不必为此事而经常感到困扰。。。或许,我会说好话。。。因此使你误会。不过,这已经不重要了,反正再有多几次的原谅,我们还是会各走各的。。。

时间把我们一起囚禁
快乐伤心
还要多少世纪
才能够停止寻觅

你知道吗?我一直都感到内疚,我很想去弥补一切的一切。。。但是已经太晚了。。。


不再 演你爱的自己
妥协了语气
节拍器再次叙述我的哭泣
可不可以 不用再等着你靠近
我可以安静

聆听世界倒转的旋律
斩停

和我在一起的时候,使你感到不高兴。。。对不起。和你在一起的时候,使我感到很幸福。。。谢谢你。看来,我还会在临睡的时候,慢慢地在床上回想起我们在一起的回忆。。。从中感到快乐,伤心以及内疚。。。然后痛苦一场。我想说的是,继续的恨我吧,我不值得当你的朋友,也不值得拥有快乐。。。

我希望永远都不会忘记你,即使我会因此而痛苦一辈子。。。



Listened to music @ 8:48 PM

♥ Saturday, November 10, 2007

如果必需让你对我如此的误会,我不介意。

推卸责任,脸上戴着一个似乎耗不在乎的模样。。。难道这些是你对我唯一的看法吗?

当时怎么爱上你的
朋友说的 我微笑听着
爱情的剧本 原来就没规则
现在不重要了 结果揭晓了
后来当朋友 你我也是说说

你现在对我的印象与看法已经不重要了。或许有一天你会察觉到原来我从头到尾都是在假装,为的就是让你讨厌我,这样你才会好过一些吧。哈哈,现在说着仿佛我很伟大似的。

训练成好演员的我
说不遗憾是骗人的
那些爱与不爱还在整理着
我明白的 只是谁来导演呢

我也不想这样。。。

勇敢是你教的
眼泪是我的
快乐都假的

我知道快乐其实是真的,我一直重复着你是我生命中发生过最美好的事,但却没有去证实它,我在骗自己吗?

我想找个答案
如果爱被出卖 到最后非卖品有什么剩下
太好强 有太傻 受了伤
当赠品留下 包装的坚强
笑地那么自然 悲伤也放进橱窗
爱没有答案
再倔强再不放 到最后被看穿一个人逞强
说不恨 是骗人
我不再隐瞒爱的伤痕
不舍转过身 不必回头的承认
非卖品是爱最美的灵魂

你知道吗?我其实还很爱你。可是,你忘了吗?*此段话被翻译成华语* “当我看到一个与我不熟悉的人在emo着,我会感到很不安全,我会起疑心。” 从你口中的“我们没有任何的共同点,所以我没有像和别人一样地与你靠近。”,我领悟了。既然我和你不算是很亲的朋友,当我在emo着的时候,你不会感到不安全吗?我只想。。。我只想不让你感到不高兴。。。虽然我这样无所事事已经使你非常不开心与生气,但是比起你所说过的话,或许让你误解我,是最好的办法。

训练成好演员的我
说不遗憾是骗人的
那些爱与不爱还在整理着
我明白的 只是谁来导演呢

原来,假装或不假装,我还是不能掩饰对你的思念。。。

勇敢是你教的
眼泪是我的
快乐都假的

我想,我会记住所有的回忆。。。

我想找个答案
如果爱被出卖 到最后非卖品有什么剩下
太好强 有太傻 受了伤
当赠品留下 包装的坚强
笑地那么自然 悲伤也放进橱窗
爱没有答案
再倔强再不放 到最后被看穿一个人逞强
说不恨 是骗人
我不再隐瞒爱的伤痕
不舍转过身 不必回头的承认
非卖品是爱最美的灵魂

我想说的是,不管怎么样,只要你能感到安全,感到幸福,对我有什么误解也无所谓。反正你和你的朋友在一起的时候,是最开心的时候。我不是你快乐的原因。

Listened to music @ 10:42 PM

♥ Friday, November 09, 2007

Ah, after days of emo-ing, and feeling extremely depressed, I've decided to come out of it.

I mean, sometimes, we face bad things in life. The point of getting so pissed off and depressed would be? I doubt any of us has an answer. The most important thing about setbacks is to get out of them, learn from the mistakes you have made, and improve as a person.

The world has over a billion people. Perhaps it is by Destiny that you meet people whom you meet, and the people whom you parted ways with. If someone whom you really really think is the nicest person and all, so? I said before that a relationship needs to be 2-way, it really is pointless if it's not reciprocated. Therefore, facing a good-bye... The best way, is to get over it. Perhaps if things are meant to be, they will be. Right?

Cherish who is around you, before it is too late. Do not dwell on the good things that have already gone past you, because they just won't come back anymore.

Anyway.



Do the SCORPIO DANCE! Yeahhhhh!

Listened to music @ 11:25 PM

♥ Thursday, November 08, 2007

呼吸着一种孤独的味道
心跳在你沉默以后慢慢地被淡忘掉
我笑了笑 反正你看不到

我总是祈祷着一个重新开始的机会,但是有时候,当我想起如果我真的得到那所谓的机会,而我会怎么去利用它。。。我被我的思想给打败了。因为连我自己都不知道该怎么做。我会再次不珍惜机会吗? 还是好好地珍惜?

当爱失了焦
那些最初的美好
早被你搁在一角
街上拥挤人潮 走着看着都是催眠符号
记忆停不了 穿过读你的心跳
穿过想你的味道
我只想不被打扰

我很想自作聪明,相信你所说的都是假的,但是我却害怕自己的信念。。。

假装多好 我只要 只想要
再拥有一秒
去相信你的拥抱 一直会让我依靠
继续等待 还心甘情愿地不想逃

有时候,发觉世界没什么好挽留的,如果能以这种的心态去自杀,那该多好。

当爱失了焦
那些最初的美好
早被你搁在一角
街上拥挤人潮 走着看着都是催眠符号
记忆停不了 穿过读你的心跳
穿过想你的味道
我只想不被打扰

我值得拥有幸福吗?假装我很高兴,但事实并非如此,我很累了。。。

假装多好 我只要 只想要
再拥有一秒
去相信你的拥抱 一直会让我依靠
继续等待 心甘情愿不想逃
假装多好 依然是 依然是
暧昧的 tone 调
一个人无理取闹 两人世界的煎熬
我被自己困在自己设下的圈套

或许我应该学会放开。。。

像是鸵鸟 相信时间是唯一解药
视而不见 傻到了不可救药
其实早明了你的爱已随风飘
想要找到却再也找不到

幸福就在自己吗?

假装多好 我只要 只想要
再拥有一秒
去相信你的拥抱 一直会让我依靠
继续等待 心甘情愿不想逃
假装多好 依然是 依然是
暧昧的 tone 调
一个人无理取闹 两人世界的煎熬
我被自己困在自己设下的圈套

如果你不想要,那硬逼,又有什么好处呢?

假装自己已解开冰冷的手铐。。。

如果说,有什么让我最难过的,那就是,你假装不认识我,我假装不认识你。
你说这不是背叛,只是借口。

Listened to music @ 10:26 PM

♥ Wednesday, November 07, 2007

或许,我又再次犯错了。

能感觉你手很暖和 能感觉你是特别的
当我的手被你牵着 在街头在风中放纵

过去的那些回忆一直在围绕着我,原来,越简单的梦想,就越难去实现。。。

随你到世界最尽头 随你上山去放烟火
当你唱着 “生日快乐” 我感动 你让我受宠

很多次被你保护,而现在孤单地躺在床上,周围的温度突然下降,忽然感觉到,原来世界是那么地冷。。。

我不再怕什么 躲什么 我只想知道你在想什么
请贴近我的心 贴近我的耳朵
听你轻轻地 轻轻地 轻轻地说 到底我是你的什么

或许,从前的我似乎已在你心中代代表不了什么,更何况是现在呢?
我尽力地忘记,把身边与你有关的巧合都插身而过。。。

我不再怕什么 躲什么 我只想知道你爱不爱我
现在我安静的 贴在你的胸口
等你说 听你说 说爱我

感受到的寂寞和悲哀,我尽量地不显示出来,因为我不想连累你。。。

我肯定你是爱我的 我肯定你是认真的
你会爱我天长地久 全世界为我们祝福

我真的很害怕,害怕我会渐渐地消失在回忆中。。。

我不再怕什么 躲什么 我只想知道你在想什么
请贴近我的心 贴近我的耳朵
听你轻轻地 轻轻地 轻轻地说 到底我是你的什么

我,还有机会吗?

说爱我 怕什么
知道你爱不爱我
现在我安静地 贴在你的胸口
等你说 听你说
说爱我

每个人都有愿望,我。。。有吗?
每个人都有知己,我。。。有吗?
每个人都有感受到真爱和关心,我。。。有吗?

为什么我会不知不觉地犯下错误,再次使你不高兴?
我是愚蠢,还是是命运在告诉我,是时候放弃了?

Listened to music @ 10:18 PM

♥ Tuesday, November 06, 2007

I hate my brother. I don't know how many times I've posted such a line, or lines with meaning pertaining to that, on this blog.

So this is what happened.

I listen to songs when I use the com. Unfortunately (and bad strategic moving, Dad ; ), my com is placed IN the living room, meaning my songs and the TV will be in a sound war.

My dearest brother, being the fucking dominating son of a bitch (I don't mean to curse my mum), will FOREVER AND ALWAYS say arrogant and fucked-up statements like, 'Turn the volume, you should know what to do." Argh? When his fucking TV with fucking stupid shows are at their fucking loud volumes, I NEED TO GIVE IN?

So, I've figured out a method to stop myself from crying/dying/whatever/it's definitely not slashing wrists, though. I'll stick ear phones into the speaker and listen to songs through my ear phones. Doing that, however, only makes me oblivious and deaf to everything around me.

So the most beautiful thing happened 5 minutes ago, when my mother went off to boil water in the kettle; we don't use electric kettles (eew to my parent's bad tastes) so duh the kettle sings when it boils. So I was listening to songs when the kettle boiled. My mum was bathing so she didn't hear it. My as usual apathetic father was watching his TV. Yup, that's right! Be it kettle boiling, or phone ringing, he doesn't do anything. My sister was already asleep, so my brother was the only who heard it (impressive despite the fucking loud volume of the TV, eh?).

Well he took SOMETHING and threw it, in which I got stunned cos something impressive loud noise entered my ears. I tried to look for that something, only to get a scolding.

'Go and off the kettle now. And next time, you either listen to your music on one side of the ear phone, or you don't listen at all."

Pissed, I switched off the kettle.

Now, let's analyse this, shall we?

YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, YOU CAN CONJURE FUCKING ENERGY TO THROW SOMETHING ON THE WALL, WHICH THANKFULLY MISSED MY HEAD, COS I KNOW YOUR FUCKING EVIL MIND IS OBVIOUSLY AIMING MY HEAD. IF SO, THEN WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING GET YOUR FUCKING ASS FROM YOUR FUCKING COUCH AND SWITCH THE FUCKING KETTLE OFF? FUCKASS BITCH BASTARD.

Well, I decided to be rebellious, so I pugged the ear phones out. Um, the volume was actually, VERY SOFT, cos that was all that needed to make my ears fine, any louder, I'd be deaf.

So, with very soft pop music, which happened to be a piano ballad, very very very soft.... playing on my com. There was an interruption.

'Softer hor."

WHAT THE FUCK?! ISN'T IT FUCKING SOFT ENOUGH? WHAT THE FUCK I DON'T CARE IF YOU NEED TO WATCH YOUR FUCKING HONG KONG DRAMAS. THE FACT THAT I AM USING EAR PHONES IS LIKE MORE THAN ENOUGH BY ACCOMADING YOUR FUKCIKCING UNREASONALBE REQUESTS. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUKC WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK.

BUT, hey I'm used to this. The only solution I have for myself at the end of the day is to rant on my blog, which I usually get insulted for anyway, or cry to myself, which is the best.

Oh yeah, I'm an emo bastard.

I'll just remember, not to help any single one of them if they do need my help in the future.

FUCK YOU

Listened to music @ 11:20 PM

♥ Monday, November 05, 2007

This post shall be in Chinese.

从皮包里抽出我们的照片 沙发要移到客厅的另一边
晚饭后你可以多尝几口香烟 已经没有什么人会埋怨

很多次,我尽量地去忘记,不,应该是尽量地把你的回忆埋在脑海里,永远也不再想你了。可是,无论我怎么样地去遗忘,在深夜里,总是不禁地想起了你。。。 如果说,我是放不开你,那我应该做什么,才能停止对你的思念?

今天 阴天 今天又是星期天 唯一的打算是醒得晚一些
反正我不知道怎样打发时间 出门或不出门没差别

可能,我其实是过不了自己的关,而忘不了你或许只是因为我不想忘记你。。。 每一次想你的时候,都会情不自禁地微笑着,因为和你在一起的那些回忆真的很美好。。。

一个人到底应该睡右边或左边 两个人每一次争吵都值得纪念
一个人偶尔感到寂寞在所难免 你的气味还留在枕头边
一个人我重新适应一切不方便 两个人不一定就成全一个世界
一个人关灯看见记忆的横切面 没有光线 过去那些情节更明显

我非常痛恨自己,时常责骂自己:为什么从来不珍惜过你?现在感到后悔也来不及了。。。
我只想要过去的那些回忆,一个人。。。真的很难受。 还记得我们争吵的时候吗?有时候,真的认为,如果我们从来都没争吵过的话,我们会不会还继续在一起?失而复回的友谊总是让人忐忑不安,何况是我们这份已经失而复回了四次的友谊呢?或许,就是因为失而复回,才让彼此的距离越来越疏远。。。

今天 阴天 今天又是星期天 唯一的打算是醒得晚一些
反正我不知道怎样打发时间 出门或不出门没差别

你的笑容还是让我心动,你以前所对我说的话,我仍然还记得。。。我们从单纯的友谊,到暧昧,到仇恨,一直缠扰着我的心。。。睡觉前,总是自言自语,好像是想要再拥有你多一秒。。。

一个人到底应该睡右边或左边 两个人每一次争吵都值得纪念
一个人偶尔感到寂寞在所难免 你的气味还留在枕头边
一个人我重新适应一切不方便 两个人不一定就成全一个世界
一个人关灯看见记忆的横切面 没有光线 过去那些情节更明显

原来,我这个从来都不被人看好,从不被人欣赏的人,也曾拥有一份真诚的友谊。。。我想这辈子,都不会再有想你这样保护与关心我的人。。。勇敢是你教的,眼泪是我的,可是快乐是假的吗?或许从头到尾都是我自己独自地制造幻觉,来毁掉我的孤独。。。

一个人,真的很寂寞。当自己瞪着电脑荧幕时,而又不知不觉地回想起我们当时在蓄意世界里的友谊。。。

也许,就如你所说,我们俩之间根本都没有共同点,所以不能在继续当朋友。。。

我会好好地保留着段回忆。




Listened to music @ 10:17 PM

♥ Friday, November 02, 2007

Why do I love pink?

Because...

1) Pink looks super cute
2) Girl power FTW
3) Pink IS the new black
4) Pink is the color of gentleness
5) Just cos...
6) Pink really contradicts to what I always feel... if you get what I mean though.

Okay that was a super lame post. Anyway I've fallen ill with a cough and occasional headaches. Sucks to be ill.

Anyway, do read my very first Pokemon fanfic

I know it's not very good... oh well it's my first anyway.

Anyway once again, I've found out a definition of a friend. Friends face problems TOGETHER. Perhaps that's why I fail as one. I'm selfish; I am a bitch.

Jumping between the feelings of missing you and hating myself... I've actually managed to find even more things to occupy myself with, which includes

1) Building on my dream Pokemon team (includes EV-training)
2) Working on my Pokemon fanfic, and perhaps another made-up story

Oh well, life could be great, if we think it's great. Personally, sometimes it's nice and sometimes... it really sucks. But, at the end of the day, tomorrow will be better. =)

是我越來越想你 還是隱形了自己
小心翼翼你的語氣 配合你的表情

我的好勝心為你捨棄 以爲這就是愛情
直到自己 沒空氣 才發現 不能再繼續

我不願意 再為了討你的歡喜
別讓我的心 就像是上緊發條的節拍器
我的呼吸 慢慢 跟不上節拍器
最初的設定 我們交叉在不同頻率 歸零

是我越來越想你 還是隱形了自己
小心翼翼你的語氣 配合你的表情

我的好勝心為你捨棄 以爲這就是愛情
直到自己 沒空氣 才發現 不能再繼續

我不願意 再為了討你的歡喜
別讓我的心 就像是上緊發條的節拍器
我的呼吸 慢慢 跟不上節拍器
最初的設定 我們交叉在不同頻率 放棄

時間把我們一起囚禁 快樂傷心
愛要多少世紀才能夠停止尋覓

不再 演你愛的自己
妥協了語氣 節拍器 再次細數我的哭泣
可不可以 不用再等著你靠近
我可以安靜 聆聽時間倒轉的旋律 斬停

《節拍器》蔡依林

Listened to music @ 10:01 PM