♥ Thursday, October 26, 2006
Hey.
It's the last day of school today. We had a mass. Surprisingly, it's a really short one so I didn't get sick of it. (cos of my poor ass.)
But, I still love masses. Cos in every mass, there's this erm ceremony where the Catholics go up to the priest and have a piece of bread, which was believed to be the body of Jesus Christ. And it's so religious and touching and full of love. And if it was last year, perhaps I wouldn't give a damn. But, right now, perhaps after everything that happened this year, I've learnt to appreciate more. Cos you never know when your best friend could just be your enemy the next day. So basically, that whole ceremony, seeing Mrs Audrey Chong singing the song and by the way the song sounded nice, like... Backstreet Boys? I don't know I'm not Catholic how would I know.
Anyway, it's really nice. Maybe I should be a Catholic. Haha, nah I'll be a disgrace.
Anyway, last day of school, things really seemed to be so distant and so surreal...
And to sum it all in MSHS for 2006...
It's funny, I spent my whole life, wanting to be talked about. I did it, just about everything to see my name in lights. It's funny, how everybody mentions my name, but they're never really nice.
But was it all worth it?
IT ISN'T.
I regretted everything that I did in 2006.
And I remembered, when the people who hate me liked me for who I WAS. And they hate me now, for who I AM.
I've been a bitch and retalliating with everything thrown to me. Please, I tell myself. STOP FIGHTING.
In my mind, they are so distant, in the shadows of my yesteryear...
And it's so out of line, to try and turn back time.
Why am I even here? I've caused so much hurt to everyone around me with what I thought would gain me fame, popularity, love, everything. And it isn't true in the end, I'm just a waste of the shadows, and who can come and save me, when those whom I love hate me so?
Like Romeo and Juliet, I'm destined to kill myself in the graveyard.
The future looks bleak.
And I'll still carry on, with the hope that God will pull me through when my pillow gets wet He will be there, He will be my voice within and I will trust the voice within.
Good-bye 2-I and hello... 3?
Listened to music @ 10:06 PM
♥ Friday, October 20, 2006
I think that moths are fighters.
You see when the moth is a caterpillar, weak and feeble, it gets attacked by predators like birds but it clings onto its life precariously for a better day. It appears to be OK, but it's hurt deep inside.
Caterpillars are basically pathetic. And gross too. Eew.
Then they eat and get fat and spit silk to encase themselves. And then they become pupas. Well pupas are basically invincible and unbreakable. Their hard shell protects them. They lay inside, waiting to metamorphosis while their injuries as a caterpillar heals.
Yeah all hard and tough.
Then the pupa evolves into a beautiful moth. Spreading its wings, it's strong and powered-up and it's now a fighter, not afraid of the creatures it was afraid of when it was a caterpillar.
Aww isn't it beautiful? And hairy too? *EEW!*
Moths are my new inspiration. I am going to be a fighter like them, and I'll never let the obstacles in my life bring me down. And of course never the haters.
And like here's the lyrics to Fighter by Christina Aguilera. Trust me, it's like the perfect blend of rock and pop. Her voice sounds harsh, the electric guitars are roaring and the drums are setting the flow. And you can hear, she's a fighter. Also, check out her new single, Hurt, it's like one of her best songs and easy to relate if you lost someone whom you have loved like so deeply. (Well dead, literally)
When I, thought I knew you
Thinking, that you were true
I guess I, I couldn't trust
'Cause your bluff time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were, there by my side
Always, down for the ride
But your, joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out of shame, mmhmm
After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But, uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
Oh, ohh
Never, saw it coming
All of, your backstabbing
Just so, you could cash in
On a good thing before I realized your game
I heard, you're going around
Playing, the victim now
But don't, even begin
Feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave, uh huh
After all of the fights and the lies
Yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore
Uh, no more, oh no, it's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
Oh yeah the website left out a part. Stupid website!
I am fighter! I ain't gonna stop! There is no turning back, I had enough!
We are all fighters in the end, we are fighting everyday, against the haters, against things that bring us down, like failing some exams, and we all get up after that stab and we are stronger than ever cos we're all fighters.
Listened to music @ 9:50 PM
♥ Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Don't ever trus horoscopes websites. So cliched and like wrong information.
Like, with my topic today,
ARIES + VIRGO = GOOD OR BAD???
Here is what websites say.
This combination is very similar to the Aries - Gemini combination. Virgo being ruled by Mercury , does not blend well astrologically with the Martian tendencies of Aries. Virgos are to fault finding and precise for the Aries personality. Where Virgo will be logical and analytical, Aries will become impatient. There are many relationships between these two that do work out very well, it is a constant challenge. Virgos want a well ordered existence and won't be happy under Arien dictatorship. The prissy Virgo will not condone a bossy Aries.
If the Arien allows Virgo space, and acknowledges and uses the virtues of Virgo, (ie. Intellect, precision and logic) the two can make for a dynamic relationship. The very things that make this team bad, could make it good! Also, if the Virgoean allows Aries the leadership that they are so capable of, you may end up in a relationship where one is "the brains" as the other is "the brawn". Unfortunately this works out great for friendships, it is difficult with intimate relationships. But it CAN work.
Ooh la la, so it just means, it's not gonna work out very well. But I degress. I have my own analysis of an Aries+Virgo pair. Read this.
Vrigos:
Pratical
Level-headed
Calm
Good in analyzing
Reliable
Trustworthy
*Hot*
Arians:
Selfish
Reckless/rash
Impatient
Cardinal
*Possessive*
Well, since Virgos are pratical, the rash Arian, when handling with money, will tend spend them like water, while Virgos plan everything and handle money like so well. Thus, pair them together, and the Virgo will advise the Aries, and good financial status at the end of it all. (+1)
The level-headed Virgo helps the reckless Arian calm down and not be so fiery. Since Arians get into alot of trouble by retaliating, the cool Virgo will fan down the Arian's temper. (+1)
While Arians jump straight to the great unknown, Virgos analyze everything in detail, and thus salvages the whole situation by looking out for loopholes and traps. (+1)
The reliable and trustworthy Virgo gets the trust from the Arian and Arians, being infamous for just leaving a place without any checking (tendency to lose stuff), has the Virgo to make sure everything's in place. (+1)
However, some things of what the website is true, like Virgos and Arians take ages to know each other, and Arians, known for being impatient, might just give up. However, it can also be salvaged, if the Arian is extremely determined to the Virgo. (+1) AND (-1)
The sexually (HORNY) Arian could be way too much for the conservative Virgo... Uh-oh. (-1)
So in the end... +3
It's a positive!
Thus, I conclude that an ARIES+VIRGO pair is possible!
Yeah, ok, whatever, so I realised that I only got F9 for Maths, apparently my Science was weirdly pushed up to an E8. And my English, Higher Chinese and Geog got Bs. In which my Higher Chinese was the highest. (I'm shocked. Really)
So, I think I'll advance? I don't know.
Some scars were never meant to be removed.
Listened to music @ 11:05 PM
♥ Monday, October 16, 2006
FUCK.
I got F9 for Maths and Science.
F9 F9!
I'm so not going to be in MSHS next year.
Congratualtions haters. You won't get to see my fuckface next year.
Bye-bye MSHS and hello Normal Tech.
To all those people who call me a "FUCKER" just cos I don't help you in your illegal shit. FUCK OFF yourself, your company is so not needed.
To those who enjoy touching me, FUCK OFF. I'm not a prostitute. Just because I express my sexuality DOES NOT mean I like your sexual suggestions.
To those called me a gay, listen up. You CAN'T HOLD ME DOWN. I will be happily smirking in my NORMAL TECH school that I've been emancipated from you FUCKING HOMOPHOBICS.
To my true friends, those that I turn to, those that accept me for who I am, I love you guys so much but I can't stay any longer. So long.
So long MSSB, it's been a great band and I've tasted love, hatred, and desperation. Thank you MSSB.
Thanks to all the teachers who have taught me. Especially Mrs Karen Chian and Mrs Audrey Chong.
Still FUCKED UP that I've got F9 for Science and Maths.
But since I'm already screwed, here's the message to you.
"My heart is already broken, and I'm just knocking through to the lover in you, what do I gotta do?"
Get ready for my knife and use my blood to write a good-bye letter. I love you, my true friends.
Listened to music @ 10:09 PM
♥ Saturday, October 14, 2006
If I told you that I loved you, what would you do?
If I told you that I hated you, what would you do?
If I kissed you, what would you do?
Someday, I'll see you crawl.
Listened to music @ 6:25 PM
♥ Friday, October 06, 2006
Oh my hot boy, don't hide, you'll never change if you just run away...
You'll make it, yeah you'll make it, just don't go forsaking yourself; you know that nothing can stop you.
In the mirror is where she comes face to face with her fears
Her own reflection now foreign to her after all these years
All of her life she has tried to be something besides herself
Now, time has passed and she's ended up someone else with regret
Do you want to be like "her"? Stop being a poser and be a player. Life is really about finding out who we are. Not who we want to be.
What are you waiting for? Spread your wings, and you know flying isn't good enough, you gotta soar!
To all the bracefaces, the pimplys, the overweights, the underweights, the Eurasians/Causicans (in Singapore), the underweight, the homosexuals, the bisexuals, the ex-drug abusers, the ex-jail birds, the ex-crime offender, the "failure", I need to tell you guys something,
In life, there're gonna be times when we're feeling low, and in our minds, insecurity seems to take control, we start to look outside ourselves for acceptance and approval, changing ourselves to a point where we'll never win the game.
Remember, spread YOUR wings, find a path that's YOUR OWN, and soar!
I keep seeing people with all these weird posts about life. Like they wanna die or something or like that. *Roll eyes* and I bet you won't dare to slash your wrist any way.
Here's a shoulder for you to lean on, here's someone you can turn to --- me.
But oh how could I forget? They will never confide in me, simply because they just hate me that much.
Listened to music @ 11:14 PM
♥ Thursday, October 05, 2006
When you're safe inside your room you'll tend to dream, of a place where nothing's harder than it seems, no one really wants or bothers to explain, how heartache will bring you pain...
Oh my hot boy, don't cry, I'll be right here when your world starts to fall...
I'll give you a little taste of the sugar below my waist, oh you nasty naughty boy.
Sweat drippin' all over my body, it's about time for my arrival.
Let's get dirrty. =D
Hey. Screwed up Geog today, well kinda... In Section C:Structured Questions, I totally can't believe I totally don't know what terraces are for. >.<>
Listened to music @ 10:57 PM
♥ Wednesday, October 04, 2006
The good thing about blogging is that you don't have to own a diary, and people read it and they know your problems, save that 3 hour chat on the phone. Well also for nice catfights in the tagboard. =D
The bad thing about blogging is you are on scrunity by everybody. Whoever who reads it can find some illegal stuff on your blog, like racism. Thus, you have to blog in such caution that it doens't deem the freedom.
But, I still own a blog because my life isn't about racism, in fact I like all races, I think we are all beautiful in every single way. =)
I had not blogged in like whatever days? Nah, who really cares?
Anyway, I feel better these days, things seemed to have settled down, I just feel really relieved and elated now.
"exams officially start tomorrow. how prepared am i? not very, i must say. today's PE, DK talked about blogging. so we spent 2 periods talking abt blogging, exams and something sick.
okay about blogging, he says, freedom speech is given to all, but the minute you infringe on someone's reputation, your freedom of speech is stopped. and the ISD can come knocking on your door and ask you qns. so i was like thinking, does this only apply to bloggers? i know of a great deal of people without blogs who are equally, if not more, insulting to other people. the second they open their mouths, all sorts of vulgarities and explicits comes out of their mouth as backstabbing insults against others. and yes, i know of A LOT of these people. so, back to the point. non bloggers should face the music too, although i dont know how. well, i bet at least half the people who insult others dont own a blog cos they DONT KNOW how to make one. ok crap aside."
Quoted from Chien Teng's blog.
So I think that DK is like totally right, we have to be careful in infringing other people's reputation. After all, would we like it when someone talks bad about us?
Lalala, the main point in life is not being a replica of someone else, it's all about being yourself. So what if other people comment about you? So what if they humiliated you? Are you going to change just because they want you to? So you are being led like a dog, are you a dog then? Besides, is it worth it, to change for other people, don't live to regret, live to love. I've been living in the fastlane for all my life, zipping through my days at the speed of light. And now things have slown down and I finally get to see what is really around me. And it felt so good.
They say musical taste reflects on a person's charactar. Hey, I'm girl power pop! What does that mean? I love girl power and thus I'm not a sexist! =D. Yeah, pop rules the charts and my ears.
And music can be directly related to what I've been saying --- about being yourself. I admit I once tried to listen to rock music for a certain someone. And I HATE ROCK MUSIC. Only a few of them caught my ear. The rest... So, I thought about it and I realised, why am I making myself a replica of someone else? Isn't that as good as cloning? (Or bad if you dislike cloning.) And since then I stopped rock music and returned to Mariah Carey, Madonna, Christina Aguilera, Aly & AJ... and the list goes on and on.
Be yourself people, cos if you don't, then why does Jesus Christ talk about uniqueness in everyone? (Did he say that? LOL)
"This is my life, no stress, no time, just leave it all behind..." Yeah Mariah you go with that line.
The Emancipation Of Jun Xiang. HAHAHAHA sounds funny.
Listened to music @ 11:12 PM
