♥ Sunday, September 21, 2008
"So I walk on
And you walk on too
With light shining
On our two separate paths"
End roll - ayumi hamasaki
...
I chanced upon a leaflet today. You know what it was about? It's the leaflet for the Shell-MOE performance at the Botanical Gardens.
I looked at it. I read it.
That day... I felt really happy, and then I felt really sad. You could say that that day, 20th July, was the last day, so to speak.
I was with him for the whole day, yet it was really the last day. And we didn't talk to each other ever since. Well, it's kind of expected, I think. What should I be expecting, anyway?
And the more I thought of it, the deeper my heart sank. I cried. As in, tears really started building up and I cried. All because of a leaflet. I don't know.
They say that time will heal all scars. But don't they know that some scars will never heal?
On that day when you left, you made footprints on my memories...
It's not that I didn't want to stop, it's not that I couldn't, either. It's because I'm not used to it. But I'll try. Even if I were to not do anything now, surely, memories of you would not fade away.
I really want to know why you wanted to leave, why you hate me as much now. Unanswered questions, or maybe as what they say, the answer's pretty obvious.
I remember you asked me if you had done anything to "disiao (honestly, what the hell does this mean? But I could tell it's a negative thing...)" me. And I said no. I said you have not done anything.
I mean, what else could I say? I can't answer a question that I don't know the meaning of. Or rather, I could guess the meaning, but perhaps I didn't want my answer to sour our relationship, so I lied.
But again, you still hated me at the end of the day. Somehow, it feels that it wouldn't make a difference, whether I spoke the truth on that day or not.
But honestly, I don't see it as your fault. And I don't think you have done anything.
My answer would be:
You didn't do anything to "disiao" me, but everything you say and do has great impact on me, and they leave deep memories in my heart. Because you words and actions can tell me what you think and feel about me, so of course I'll take great notice of them. I don't have the courage to ask you about your thoughts and feelings, so I could only guess. That's why everything you say and do means so much to me.
Can you imagine just how stupid I would look if I had said that? Or how awkward it would have been?
Maybe if you are reading this, you would know. But so what? Nothing could be done. And you don't read this blog anyway, I think.
I could forget and move on easily if everything was so clear, and there was no memories to speak of.
But nothing is clear, and there are too many beautiful memories... How can I move on?
---
Well, today. I wasted today watching TV and playing Pokemon. Hahaha. I mean I decided to give myself a break since I was so tired because of yesterday... yeah and I woke up at 12 30. Really. Tired.
And I'm finally deciding to try the Battle Frontier on Pokemon Emerald, and I defeated two of the Frontier Brains and almost defeated another two. Ah. I need to try harder, after the O' Levels!
There would be a new timetable from tomorrow onwards, and I'm going home at 12 45 every day. Except for Day 2, since there's HCL in the afternoon.
I won't be going back to this place anymore, in time to come, it seems. Oh well.
...
"There's never a day on which I recall you
Because I have never for a day forgotten you
I want to see you, I want to see you
I don't know what to do, as you are
Smiling so tenderly only just in my memory"
HANABI - ayumi hamasaki
Listened to music @ 7:55 PM
