♥ Sunday, August 31, 2008
"How many times have I sought for something
Found and lost it
Since that time?"
fairyland - ayumi hamasaki
---
Time passes by very quickly, and it's already the 31st of August. Today is the last day of summer. A strange, nostalgic feeling that makes me both happy and sad is overcoming me...
Everything was like the clouds in the sky. The clouds float through the sky, without leaving and trace of their memories behind. However, just for passing through the blue sky, even if it's just for once, should be enough.
I guess one stark difference is that while the clouds dissipitate into rain, and the rain that falls onto the earth will eventually become part of the sky as clouds again...
For me, everything has dissipitated into nothingness. And nothing cannot become something again. It's just like how when paper becomes ash, but ash cannot become paper. Something irreversible.
Summer will come again next year, but will you? Sometimes the memories are so precious that I don't wish to ever pass by the time.
Maybe I was lucky in the past, when I could have lost that person, that moment, that time, that memory... but still found it back.
Now, the saddening echoes in my heart remind me keenly, that I've lost it forever.
I've lost everything forever. I've lost everything between the two of us forever.
This may sound sad, but I don't know why, I don't feel as sad as how I thought I would be... or should be.
What does this mean?
Does this mean that everything doesn't mean anything to me? But I know it's not true...
I suppose, as I mentioned before, just being able to ride the blue sky, even if it's just for once, is enough.
It's really enough. Of course, I'm not saying that a longer time is bad, but oh well... if it has ended, then I shouldn't force it to continue.
The memories are enough for me to reminisce for the rest of my life.
No matter how sad it feels like to me now, I know I will be able to laugh at the times that I had with you some day.
Every story has an ending. But every ending is a new beginning. You will always be in my heart, and our moments will always be in my memories. But since you've moved on, then I shouldn't stay here and thus mislead others into thinking that you are at fault. I will move on too.
Like I always say...
I will start a new journey, though I know that I will still always love you...
Somewhere in Japan, as the last day of the a-nation concerts comes to an end in a few hours' time, the fireworks will be set, and they will fill the sky.
Fireworks, beautiful and transient, just like you.
I remember the band camp.
I remember the embarrassing times when I would cry in front of you, and while you say, "Don't be emo".
I remember the times when I was by your side in the band room, and while you were playing the songs, I was watching your concentrating and serious profile.
I remember the moments when we would laugh at the stupid things, like the print on t-shirt. "X marks the spot."
I remember (oh my God...) playing soccer for the first time, and how you scolded me... and then apologized immediately.
I remember the two times when you unwrapped lollipops for me.
I remember that day when we were in the band room together, as I was with you, while you were reading FHM and eating.
I remember so many more things that I couldn't type everything out. I'm scared that I'll start shedding tears.
I remember this summer. I will always remember it.
Your dazzling smile, your gentle voice, your warm hands.
I remember how the sky looked like, and how the wind was blowing.
This year, the happiest thing was to be able to stay by your side.
---
"How long
Have we spent time together ?
How far
Have we advanced together ?
The sparkling crystals
We have left behind
Are now shining proudly here
Though they may not be perfect
Honestly
I can't say
That it was all fun and joyful
But always, I wasn't alone
I want to show you a dream
I hope you will have
A never-ending and lasting dream
This is my wish
I want to protect you
Whatever may happen
I'll go on protecting you
With all my might
Even now, I can say definitely
That I don't have a regret
We have always fought it out
With all our might
Honestly
I had some hard nights
And the days I felt unbearable
But always, I wasn't alone
I see your smile
So dear and dazzling
I'm living every day
To see the smile
I feel your love
Strong and warm
I'm feeling the selfless love
With all my senses
I want to show you a dream
I hope you will have
A never-ending and lasting dream
This is my wish
I want to protect you
Whatever may happen
I'll go on protecting you
With all my might"
MY ALL - ayumi hamasaki
My exact thoughts and feelings now.
Listened to music @ 8:30 PM
