♥ Tuesday, August 26, 2008
"If your mind is about to be controlled
By the things reflected in your eyes
Listen to the voice in your heart"
talkin' 2 myself - ayumi hamasaki
---
Today is another day.
Today was the start of Prelim 2.
Today was English paper.
I felt like I owned the paper! Honestly... I think it's really easy. The free writing, I wrote 'Shopping', so I just copied whatever I wrote for Prelim 1 (cos the topic then was 'Fashion') into this essay, and changed names and changed scenarios, etc.
The situational writing... I feel a little iffy on this one. I think I did okay, but maybe I wrote too short... I don't know... but I hope did all right.
Comprehension and summary. Ha, this was like really unexpected. The passage was so similar to last year's SA2 passage that I got stunned... it's about malaria and quinine again. So, I mean I think the questions were relatively easy... except for the vocabulary where it was kind of difficult. Everything else was easy.
Tomorrow is Social Studies. I'm really scared! I haven't studied enough of SS yet... omg seeing most of the sec4s offline makes me wonder what the hell am I doing here.
Okay, exams aside, something exciting happened today! At the bus stop, 28 came... and all of us were like wondering why it looked so different. The bus was white... different-looking. Upon boarding, we realized that Great Eastern was celebrating its 100th Anniversary so... FREE RIDE! As in, literally! No need to pay money at all! They blocked out the ez-link card reader and the coin box thing. Really a free ride. Oh my God, so exciting can... it's my first time taking a legal free ride on a SBS bus!
Then, when I alighted... it started to rain. I walked through the rain, laughing. Maybe I was a little insane but, it doesn't really matter, since no one was there.
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT love David Villa and/or Saw in a romantic way! I don't know if I did anything controversial to arouse such a thinking, but I really don't love them! I was only really in love with just one person... And oh, thanks "leunamme"... whoever you are.
---
"If you are afraid of changes
Watch me from a distance
Whether or not I may do something
I'm talked about behind my back
Let it be"
alterna - ayumi hamasaki
~~~
"Do you believe in fate?
A momentary encounter
That is enough to change everything
Before and after that moment?"
I believe in fate. And it's because of fate that I could meet you, and know you... and love you. Come to think about it, this is not some love at first sight thing where it's lust in disguise. I have known you for almost three years, only to realize that feeling nine months ago... Infatuation? Lust? I don't know how do people come up with that conclusion when it really isn't any of those superficial feelings... it's really not...
"We notice it the moment our eyes meet
We are certain of it and can feel it the moment we touch
But we always go weak in the knees
At such a moment"
It was always like, 'I have a lot of things to say to you', but in the end... I couldn't say anything. On those days when I was next to you, maybe words weren't necessary. When we casually displayed our habits, we only laughed, because I only need your smile.
"The wind strokes my cheeks gently, making me feel real
Whispering softly that this is not an illusion at all"
An illusion? Is it an illusion? It felt real at that time, but sometimes I'm forced to believe that it's all false. But when I felt the wind blowing...
"I've been thinking that this voice couldn't reach you
I've been thinking that this dream wouldn't come true
But the person before my eyes is
You see? No one else but you"
And once again, you don't know how I feel, and I don't know how you feel. If we did, what would happen? I remember the days when I was next to a person who showed me warmth and treated me with tenderness, and...
"Where does this road lead do
And how long and far is it?
Even if I were to imagine
I couldn't find an answer"
Some questions are not meant to be answered; some things are not meant to be explained. But why do I feel such a need to know? Whatever it is, the only answer I can be sure of is, this road... won't have you anymore...
"I feel that the more I wish to be strong
The weaker my heart becomes in inverse proportion"
The more I pretend to be all right and smile, the more I find myself shedding tears at night... and wishing for dawn to come soon, so that I can pretend once again. What else can I do?
I don't want to make you upset or feel bad, so I couldn't cry. I don't want you to know that I need you, so I couldn't cry.
"I shouted your name in tears
If this were a dream, I wish I wouldn't wake up
Ah, the person before my eyes was
You see? No one but you"
Allow me to stay in that summer for eternity... I really want to be by your side again. Either you decide to talk to me again, or I'll go back in time and make those days last. Either way, it's impossible.
"The wind strokes my cheeks gently, making me feel real
Whispering softly that this is not an illusion at all"
And you stroked my hair, making me feel cared for...
"If only I had deserved your love
As many as the times you said you loved me
If only I had loved you
As many as the times I said I love you"
If only I had deserved your kindness, if only I had been smarter and less selfish. If only...
"I gave up, thinking that this voice couldn't reach you
I gave up, thinking that this dream wouldn't come true
You see? Though the person before my eyes was
The real you"
Now, even if we were to see each other, and could stand next to each other, we behave like strangers. Why does it so hurt so much? Maybe it's because I know it wasn't like that, and probably shouldn't be like that. Do you feel the same way too? How are you feeling? What are you thinking?
...
"We started to walk calmly and determinedly
With the same scar in our hearts
With our backs to each other
Without looking back"
We are doing that perfectly now, right? Why do we need to pretend not to know each other?
"I used to believe that
I have found one unchanging thing
But I felt that it was changing
And so I took a step back
And another step back
So as not to be hurt"
And so, I can only run away, and pray that I won't see you, so that I wouldn't get hurt by the obvious impending ignores from you... Will it work that way? Are you feeling the same way?
"I wanted to say 'Thank you'
I couldn't say 'Thank you'
Because it's like 'Good-bye forever'
And too sad
Maybe I shall be born to myself again some day
And start a journey to seek for you"
I'm very grateful to everything that has happened. The memories, the feelings, the warmth, the tenderness, everything... no one else could have given me those things, and so I cherish them forever.
"One day
When I happened to be puzzled a little
By a new and unfamiliar view
Which I must have chosen
The gentle wind just like you
Blew by me"
Ever since that day, everything has changed. I couldn't see things in that same color anymore, and everything is a monochrome. If I could find the colors back, if I could find you back...
"I wanted to say 'I love you'
I couldn't say 'I love you'
But I feel that it is my biggest lie
And the truth
Maybe I shall be born to myself again some day
And start a journey to seek for you"
The closest I ever got to saying was 'Daisuki da yo'. Isn't it better this way? That I don't behave so overtly mushy? But still, not matter how much "better" it appears to be, it doesn't make any difference in the end...
"I wanted to say 'Thank you'
I couldn't say 'Thank you'
Because it's like 'Good-bye forever'
And too sad
I wanted to say 'I love you'
I couldn't say 'I love you'
But I feel that it is my biggest lie
And the truth
Even if I'm born again to someone else
I'll start a journey to seek for you"
Waiting for you has become a part of my life. Waiting for you to appear again, and smile at me and speak your casual words like how you used to...
Why did you leave? Why don't you want me anymore? Why did you want to stay in the first place? Why did you care?
... I'll start a new journey, though I know that I will still always love you...
If we could be the friends that we were back then, maybe... just maybe...
fated, but not destined.
fated...
Together When...
Listened to music @ 8:30 PM
