♥ Monday, July 21, 2008
Well, today is school day on a rainy and tiring Monday. Come to think of it, the weekend before this day was so chaotic and messy!
Anyway, I woke up super early today so I ended up going to school much earlier. Then somehow the shutters weren't open yet so a lot of people were at the canteen. Then that stupid big mouth Nicholas Chew... oh my God stop spreading stuff around! Now even Marcus knows it. Wow, like wow.
Okay blah blah blah lessons started.
First two periods was Physics Practical and whenever I walk towards the Physics lab, I noticed that Seung Hwa is ALWAYS sitting next to that girl from Gao Xin Number 1 High School lah. Pervert!
Anyway, the experiment was done without the fan which made things so uncomfortable... I hope the weather would be much cooler on the O' Levels Practical Exams itself...
Then it was English. And I think Miss Tan had PMS or something. Like she just shouted for no reason and um it was quite scary.
Then it was the much awaited Lit! As usual, Xing Hao, Nicholas Tan and I sat together and talked and talked and talked through the two periods! Had fun, honestly.
Okay then it was recess, nothing special.
Then it was like free period next cos it was A-Maths and I don't take A-Maths. Then it was RME but we needed to take class photographs so yeah we did so.
And while waiting, some guy in 4J actually broke the glass windows along the lab corridor, and it happened twice. And like Mr Kwok started scolding that class and my class too! I mean oh my God we didn't do anything wrong in the first place... what unjustification.
Speaking of Mr Kwok, when I went back to school for Alumni in the evening, he saw me and lol he said no Japanese slippers or something and he actually knows that I'm from band. Oh gosh.
Okay anyways after taking photos, it was Hall Assembly about Racial Harmony which was well the usual stuff. Then went to have lunch at the Primary school canteen before taking 28 home.
Then I left for Alumni about 3 hours later.
Then Alumni practice today was like 3 hours and kind of productive... though the tension and pressure building up wasn't to my liking, especially since I'm suffering from a shitty cough and something else...
Then went home and here I am. Yay.
...
"I gave up, thinking that I couldn't reach your voice
I gave up, thinking that this dream couldn't come true
You see? Though the person before my eyes was
The real you"
fated - ayumi hamasaki
*the first day Without You*
Monday, 21st July.
I remembered that I was feeling hopeful and bittersweet yesterday, honestly believing that somehow things would be better.
But today, I really got to know how wrong my beliefs were.
I mean okay during recess, you ignored me, as usual and expected. But after Hall Assembly, I know that you saw me at the corridor and... you ignored me again. I mean you were alone right? And really I was expecting you to give your usual adorable acknowledge but...
I guess, maybe that's how you really feel.
That you have never liked me and no one knows why you could treat me so nicely at those times too.
I mean yesterday was the last day that I could see you, and so I asked if I could take a photo with you and you only said a no.
And the many things that happened yesterday... it makes me feel so upset about how everything ended like that.
I mean, is this the kind of ending that is meant to happen?
And then I try to give myself excuses like how you actually don't even know that yesterday was my last day.
But even if you do, so what?
I mean that's what happens when you really dislike and hate someone, you just don't care whatever that happens to that person.
And well yesterday I was still thinking if you would actually miss me or anything when you suddenly realized that I'm not in main band anymore.
I know, how stupid, corny, funny and selfish these thoughts are. But hey, I really thought of them.
And I just kind of laughed. But still... I mean I suppose you would be living normally, even happier without my presence.
I don't wish to be your burden and to bring you more embarrassment anymore, which was why I decided to not return main band anymore, until maybe band camp.
I could only feel this tinge of regret of having such a shitty ending... but what else can I say? Maybe it's all fated.
But, no matter how I try to tell myself that you don't know anything and you're just being yourself, doing everything unintentionally... your every word and action, including blocking me from MSN, has told me the truth.
"I didn't ask you such an absurd and stupid question as
'Why isn't it me?'
But you looked like a stranger to me
And I just felt you were far away"
is this LOVE? - ayumi hamasaki
Listened to music @ 11:10 PM
