♥ Friday, July 11, 2008
I am feeling a juxtapose of emotions now.
I am getting worried that certain people didn't turn up for Main band's sectionals today (and I really shouldn't be worried too...)
I am getting worried and weary for two people who got in trouble recently. But it seems that harsh punishment just seems to be the only way out.
On the other hand...
I am feeling very happy about someone (and guess what! He's one of the people involved in one of the afforementioned two sentences *guess which one is it!*) and just somethings that he has done...
I am feeling very happy about Alumni because I always feel happy when other people come and then I start to really feel the song when I play it.
Sigh... I don't even know what I should feel now.
I need to wake up at 6am tomorrow morning to open up the band room for Main band yet I'm still blogging here, at a time 7 minutes away from midnight. Wow.
July just seems like a long month of performances and competitions. I don't know whether I can even make it to the end of July.
A part of me wishes for July to end soon, so that I can take a break and finally STUDY!
But... another part of me wishes that July will never end, because from August onwards, I can't visit the Main band anymore... because I would have run out of excuses... and it just makes me sad because I can't see him up close anymore.
A lot of things going through my mind again...
I have a lot of things to say about that two people who got into deep shit but... right now I'm too tired to think of the correct words.
Let's just call these two people A and B. I think A and B are really different people, in that they respond and react so differently to the situation, and it makes me think a lot...
A just starts to complain to everyone when he knows about the bad things that happened, yet he kept telling himself that he has only complained (rather, to him, "talked") to only one person and he actually accused me once of spreading stuff around. Which is of course fake, because he told almost everyone else that same thing.
Whatever it is, A loves to complain about every single thing, and this case is no difference. I mean, no matter how you try to explain to A about the matter, how you try to tell him that he is STILL in the wrong no matter what, and you try to make people's decisions sound logical to him... but he doesn't seem to care.
Perhaps all that matters to him is his face. Yeah he's worried about losing face tomorrow but little does he know almost everyone knows already.
Now... it's B.
B... I have never really talked about this incident with B yet. I only asked B once, "What happened?", and he only told me, "Nothing."
Maybe he answered that because he doesn't regard me as a friend, but at least he doesn't complain excessively like A...
Anyway, I know that B is majorly at fault for the whole incident, yet I always see B smiling and laughing, like nothing really happened.
And it just made me think if he's just nonchalant about his mistakes... or unlike A, he has decided to take things in his own stride, and just laugh it off?
Because, honestly, there are a lot of times when I feel that way too. When besides laughing or smiling... you really don't know what else to show, what if you cry? You don't want to.
I just like to think that B is swallowing his sorrow, so that his friends wouldn't feel too upset.
And the thing is, B has always been like that. B has always been that joker and making people laugh like crazy. And with B around, it's hard to be upset. =)
I just wish that A and B would be all right at the end of the day...
*By the way, B is NOT that him that I always refer to... they are different people. I just realized that I have been talking about B as if I am in love with him or something. :O
So, to A and B: DON'T GIVE UP!
~~~
Anyway, today during recess, he saw me and I saw him. He sort of nodded/cocked his head to me, and to me, that is a sign of recognition.
When I decided to give my everything to him, I really don't ask for any reciprocation of any feelings... I just ask for him to be happy and for me to be able to stay by his side so that I can see him smile, and make him smile.
Slowly, I feel that I am really doing that.
...
The many many events nowadays... making my head spin and causing dizzy spells and headaches. And I feel naseueous these days too... omg am I pregnant? Okay what an impossible matter...
...
This juxtapose of emotions and the many things make me think of one Ayu song... where I think it express my feelings now.
So please read the lyrics as my heart cries out.
"Sometime, surely since before you were born,
I was searching for something unchanging.
I'd find it, and lose it, and sometimes
there were nights when I hurt people.
If just one of your wishes could come true,
If just one of your wishes could come true,
what would you wish for?
What would you wish for, here, under this sky?
Despite my strong desire,
I started giving up.
I'd find it, release it, and sometimes
there were nights when I hurt myself.
If there were something I could give to you,
If there were something I could give to you,
It would be my unchanging, certain thoughts.
If you'll laugh for me, even just a little,
then there's still a reason for me to live here.
If you'll search for me, even just a little,
then maybe my living here will be accepted.
If just one of your wishes could come true,
If just one of your wishes could come true,
what would you wish for?
If there were something I could give to you,
If there were something I could give to you,
It would be my unchanging, certain thoughts.
Yes, my unchanging, certain thoughts.
Right here."
NEVER EVER - ayumi hamasaki
Listened to music @ 11:48 PM
