♥ Thursday, July 24, 2008
"I remember everything even till now
Your voice calling my name, your casual habits
I want to forget, but I don't want to forget"
HANABI ~episode II~ - ayumi hamasaki
---
I walked along the corridor that had you in it, and you happened to walk out of your classroom just as I approached it.
You saw me and you called my name, and said yo. Suddenly, it feels like I have seen that somewhere, so far away, and I realized that it's happening right before my eyes.
And then I started to infer what you have done, and I told myself that there must be a reason to why you are so fluctuating to me, so erratic to me.
I started to wonder that perhaps it was a mistake that I have done...
Because I don't know how you feel, your every word and action towards me is so important, because it helps me to know how you feel.
In front of me, you are nice to me sometimes, and sometimes I am like the normal person.
Behind me, you said that it was better without me around.
Which is the truth? Which is the lie? Even I am confused now.
But still, the answer is so obvious right?
At least now I'm not going back to main band anymore; I hope that helps to make you be happier.
I know I am a bother, always sticking next to you, and always there, though I was never needed.
Perhaps I am an eyesore to you, perhaps you really find me irritating.
Whatever it is, I don't have a chance to be your burden anymore. I have made a decision not to go to main band anymore, and initially it was because I wanted to study and to save you from humiliation from others.
Now, it's more like because I just wanted to stay away from you so that you can be happy. Really happy.
Even now, as I look back and think of the days that we spent together, they feel so real. But in reality, I know it too well, that they are mere lies.
But even so, still I am grateful that you bothered to lie to me, and thus you give me these beautiful memories.
After you blocked me from MSN.
I really am...
---
"I remember I went to sleep late that night feeling uneasy
And had a very sad dream
The phone started to ring in the morning, breaking the silence
And the premonition became a reality
Leaving an unfading scar on my heart
You became a star by yourself
Good-bye, you have gone to the place we can never meet again
I can't accept the coldness of this eternal parting
I wish I could have heard from you
That I certainly had been loved by you
Only once, even if it had been a lie
The sorrow that I thought to be endless has come to an end
The season has changed; I feel bitterly cold
I will never forget that first day of summer
The sky kept on weeping instead of me this year
I feel as if I were living in the continuation of the dream
And I can't even cry now
Good-bye, even my last words don't reach you
I'm made to realize the coldness of this parting
I wish I could have heard from you
That you never regretted the days we spent together
Only once, even if it had been a lie
Why did you do it this way -
Leaving memories to the very end?
Good-bye, you have gone to the place we can never meet again
I can't accept the coldness of this eternal parting
I wish I could have heard from you
That I certainly had been loved by you
Only once, even if it had been a lie
Please tell me that this is only the story of the continuing dream
And that I'm not yet awake"
Memorial address- ayumi hamasaki
A song that shows how I feel now.
Listened to music @ 12:23 AM
