♥ Sunday, July 06, 2008
"'MARIA', there is someone I should love. At times I bear very deep wounds, but they are healed by the person I should love."
M - ayumi hamasaki
M. Haha.
...
I didn't get to see him today in band. Every time that I don't see him in main band, I felt like I've wasted my time going to main band... because seriously, he makes me feel very happy, even just by looking at him.
And because I didn't get to see him, I just felt like vomiting the whole day, then I didn't have much of an appetite. I remembered giving like a few pieces of duck to Nicholas Wu during lunch... And of course, the bad headache that has been haunting me since Wednesday.
...
Every time he doesn't come for band, something bad will happen to me during Alumni, or something close to that.
He didn't come on 24/5, which is a Saturday, and that Alumni practice that day just sucked. He didn't come on 18/6, which is a Wednesday, and that Alumni practice was the one when I felt like quitting.
He didn't come on 28/6, which is a Saturday, and that was the only exception.
He didn't come on 5/7, which is a Saturday (today), and I got lectured twice...
Why is it that whenever he doesn't come for band, I face such bad luck?
I know a lot of people must be thinking why must I stay in the band room during full band when I should and could be practising outside in lieu of all the competitions. The thing is, if he's here, then I really don't want to go anywhere else. Because I just want to see him, and be by his side. I hope everyone will understand and not ask me anymore.
---
"Are all people sad? They are forgetful creatures..."
Dearest - ayumi hamasaki
I watched this 9pm show on Friday... and this part where a boy was talking to his mother, who was afraid that she would die of cancer and abandon her son and her husband, he said something that almost made me cry... and I thought so much of it.
He mentioned about a goldfish he used to keep and how it died later.
He said, "I was very sad initially. But Daddy told me that even if King Kong (name of his goldfish) is gone, I can have the memories with it with me. It doesn't matter how long the time we spent together, but the memories that we can have from it."
I think I'm paraphrasing but I was just very touched by those few lines... Yes, it doesn't matter how long the time we spent together, but the memories that we can have from it...
Although the happy moments with him was transient, I feel that I can always remember them whenever I'm upset... and feel happy again.
Because he makes me feel pampered in those moments, I felt like cherished for once, and it only makes me happier.
Even if at this time now, he dislikes me a lot or whatever, I am still very grateful for those moments. Moments that I will not forget.
~
"If you'll laugh for me, even just a little, then there's still a reason for me to live here. If you'll search for me, even just a little, then maybe my living here will be accepted."
NEVER EVER - ayumi hamsaki
I love how the title of the song and that stanza just contradicts each other.
Yes, I don't need anything. I just need you to talk to me, to be nice to me, and I'll be so happy already. You already know that, don't you? All the happy moments were not anything special, just ordinary moments when I was myself and you were yourself. You were just being nice to me, and already I could feel happy.
It is that simple.
...
"Where are you walking
What are you staring at now?
Are you still chasing that dream
You once told me about?
I loved your face that
Seemed to tell the future
For you to protect that dream
I couldn't be with you
When you stood here
And watched the scenery
How much anxiety and confusion
Did you battle with?
I've learned a lot
From being alone
As long as you didn't let go of my hand
I felt like I could do everything
When we walked along that same path
I believed without a single doubt
But even so, why?...
But even so, why?...
But I...
I remember your promise
I remember every day"
still alone - ayumi hamasaki
Listened to music @ 12:20 AM
