♥ Thursday, July 10, 2008
"There must be someone needs you. That person is surely always smiling by your side."
Depend on you - ayumi hamasaki
~~~
Strangely, just as I was blogging about being upset two days ago, today I am blogging about happy things; because I feel so happy now!
I don't feel a need anymore to elaborate, since I'm going to talk about the same things, as always.
Just that, it's really because of the most simple things that make me feel happy and glad. I mean, I wonder why I wasn't asking for the biggest things; for the possible things, have I changed? I have always wanted the best; I have always wanted the most. When I get something, I want more of it, I want everything.
But now...
As long as he is willing to talk to me, I think that is something that is worth being happy about already.
It really is that simple.
And because he did that simple thing to me yesterday, I felt like my whole day became beautiful. I felt that nothing could go wrong, and well nothing too wrong happened.
I am very grateful for these little things; I don't ask for you to reciprocate my feelings; I just ask for you to let me stay by your side, though I am always so useless and clumsy... and causing you embarrassments here and there...
Because you have done many things to me before, it was all the more important to protect these memories forever and leave them with me, and we will go together, to whichever place I must go in the future... I hope you will do the same too. If it's not for me, then at least the memories with other people.
Nicholas Tan told me today that he thinks that he treats me well only when he needs me, and he doesn't like to see me being used like that (or something along those lines...)...
Well... I don't know what to say.
I mean, I have absolute faith in him.
Isn't faith part of love too? Because I trust him that much, I no longer waver to anything that anyone else says about the two of us, because to me, I will only believe it if he tells me.
But I wonder if I have pissed anyone else in that process. I'm sorry if I sounded aggressive or offensive.
Just that... call me stubborn or what have you, it doesn't matter to me. I only know that I trust him.
Although he sometimes does things that are so... how do we explain this?
Like you know if someone likes/dislikes you, he/she will usually give off a lot of signals and signs that tell you so right.
The thing is, I don't know if he likes/dislikes (all on the innocent root of friendship) me... and I can't tell either! Because he always does things that give off signals of both ends of the spectrum...
Ah, it's so confusing.
But still, I am still grateful, I am still happy. Very happy.
I was trying to find a song that can express my absolute trust in him, and my love for him and the great impact that he has on me... and I found one!
"Under the gray and square sky
Is filled with all kinds of desires today
But I don't lose sight of the light among them
And can walk, looking forward
Because you always show me
That there remains a purity even in a corner of this city
Breathing calmly, I looked at you
Who had fallen asleep, so exhausted
The sweet, unprotected profile
That no one in the world but me knows
One day when the sunlight poured and the wind blew gently
As if it were nothing special
I felt alone that something was changing in me
Slowly, firmly and surely
Though I wasn't sad at all, tears flowed down
Because your feelings sank painfully into
The scar in the depth of my heart
And changed it into tenderness
If you come across deep sorrow
I wish you will share it with me
I'll be able to do anything for the smile
My precious treasure
My precious treasure"
JEWEL - ayumi hamasaki
~~~
"No need to have a serious talk
I need nothing except your smile"
BLUE BIRD - ayumi hamasaki
I really love you so much.
Listened to music @ 7:43 PM
