♥ Sunday, July 13, 2008
"Even if it's the end of the world, even if people say with laughter that we are trying in vain, let's go together, because nothing is as fearful as giving up."
Pride - ayumi hamasaki
---
13th July, 2008. This is going to be one of those days where I won't be able to forget again. Yes, the NBC is on today and the day ended with so much things to say that I wonder if I could word out my thoughts perfectly here.
Maris Stella Alumni Band (I think we are called that right?) got a Gold with a score of 81.XX (can't remember the later numbers...), and we are 5th in the Open Division.
Though a Gold looks really good, and well it's still a Gold... I didn't feel really very happy. I don't really think anyone else was too...
In fact, I think we are the only band whom when the results were announced, didn't scream and cheer in joy...
I wondered if we expected too much of ourselves, or if we are unhappy because we didn't get the results that we believed we were supposed to get.
Whatever it is, I think everyone looked stoic when we heard the results... and we were all like sighing and walking slowly... and really it felt like everything was gray.
And that point of time, I didn't want to cry. I don't feel like crying.
But after moving all the stuff, and walking behind Xing Hao through all the other bands who were screaming and looking so happy... my heart just sank even deeper. And I really felt like crying then.
I really like felt like asking them to shut up or something, but I know that if we have gotten better results, we would be doing the same things - screaming, cheering, laughing... So I can't really blame them for being happy.
Then on the bus, I just started crying. It wasn't like bawling; more like silent crying. I thought of a lot of things about Alumni and all the effort that Mr Chiang and Mr Lin have put in and then it just sucks to have such a feeling when you feel that you have done a lot but in the end, you didn't get anything in return.
It just feels so... empty.
I guess we could always try harder for SIBF!
...
Let's go a little off-topic here...
Okay, really, I have enough on anyone telling me that he is "destroying" me, or I'll end up "regretting everything", or I'll just get "more hurt at the end"...
I don't think all of these matters anymore.
Yesterday at Macs, Chang Jun asked this really meaningful question.
"What will he do for you?"
And then I answered, "He doesn't have to do anything; he himself just makes me happy."
Which is true to a certain extent. But I went home to think about it and I have found an answer to that question, really.
Love isn't about asking what that person will or can do for you; Love is about asking yourself what you can do for the person you love.
As long as he lets me stay by your side, I will be contented. =)
Oh and someone please explain to me my recent frequent "hanging out" sessions with Saw alone... Maybe I should stop talking to him that often then we can catch up with the rest of the gang easier. Because whatever that happened was just so zzz.
---
"We are Beautiful Fighters; we cried tonight, just a little. But the 'girls' who fight with the tomorrow that is new and clean are Beautiful Fighters; for we know our desires are never satisfied completely."
Beautiful Fighters - ayumi hamasaki
Listened to music @ 11:11 PM
