♥ Monday, June 30, 2008
I wonder...
There are a lot of questions running through my mind now, with thoughts and constant remembrance of other people's words... I can't think much of anything myself.
I don't know what to do now.
This post was meant to be talking something that I felt today. But when I read the tags left by various people on the tagboard, I wondered if it was still all right to post what I wanted to post.
...
Okay I think I shall just go with it.
~
You would say hi to everyone else when you are with your friends, but when it's me, I don't understand why you have to treat me as something transparent.
Today's Lit lesson made me think of a lot of things... how being dispensable and unimportant will mean certain things and people's actions towards you will show it.
What is it that I want to find?
I feel used by my family and most other people already. Somehow, I suppose I wanted to find someone who won't treat me like that, someone whom I can depend on.
I mean am I that embarrassing? If I am, then how? You always treat me as a stranger whenever we're not alone and it makes me feel upset that you appeared that you don't want other people to know that you know me or something.
You never tell me how you feel and how you think; everything about your thoughts and feelings, I have to know from other people. Sometimes I really just want you to tell me how you feel... at least I would know what to do at that point of time.
Every time you ignore me when I'm so close to you, I feel heartbroken and upset and I try to mask all that feelings away with a usual laugh or I do something else to preoccupy myself.
Maybe these feelings are self-inflicted.
I have stopped doing a lot of things to you that I have done in the past. I don't understand what must I stop now to change anything.
Because I feel that I still love you, I want to stay around you so that whenever you need help, I would be able to do something. I don't ask for you to show me anything or to treat me specially... I just wish that you wouldn't ignore me most of the time...
Oh well.
~
That was what I wanted to post today.
I don't know if those thinkings were wrong of myself, where it turned out that I am actually just being selfish. I have such a feeling...
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Anyway, Spain won Germany 1-0 in the EURO finals. Spain won! I heard Torres scored that winning goal but who cares, I think Torres looks ugly and thus I have no interest in him.
I only like Spain because of...
David Villa (hot)
Cesc Fabergas (cute)
Goal keepr (sexy)
Okay I'm being very superficial but I really think those three guys look so nice.
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"In a world where you are my first and I am your last, how am I seen in your eyes?"
Listened to music @ 3:37 PM
