♥ Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Sometimes, I feel that a day in my life seems like a lifetime. Not its length, but rather it's 'dramatic' effect.
Everyone knows that Life is full of ups and downs... I didn't know that mine would be filled with so much of it that it spreads to my everyday life too.
Today fluctuated from okay to sad/angry.
I went to the library today from about 10 30 to 17 15 to study Geography. I did mind maps and wrote stuff etc. I felt really happy. I actually studied. I put in effort and I felt that I understood the sec4 topics! The best thing was I didn't think about him at all while studying, which made me focus a lot.
I still remembered the chemistry paper where I saw him and then um. stoned for 10 minutes.
So, I was happy. Very happy.
Then when I went back to the house where I'm blogging now and facing the people whom I must face every day (not that home and family were not used as they're inappropriate words.). And everything started being shitty.
I hate all of them. I'm not angry now because the wrath has died down but things are always so unfair here.
I swear I'll keep to my words when I said that I'm going to move out and rent a room once I'm 18.
Mark my words.
Anyway, because of various bad events at the place where I'm blogging now, I began thinking about him again.
I'm lying to myself again.
I always remember how nicely he treats me on those days. Sometimes I feel exhilarated that he treated me nicely before, sometimes I feel depressed because those things were in the past.
I always remember the current situation and... everything is just too ambiguous! Is there something that I should know but don't?
Someone should create a chance for the two of us to have a conference. Forget what I just said.
I don't want to think those days as him doing them to 'play' with me.
I'm not a Doll. I don't believe that he treats/regards me as one either.
So, that's why I'm still confused.
Because I don't know Why.
Why? Why? Why?
...
Every day seems to be getting worse.
Listened to music @ 9:55 PM
