♥ Thursday, May 01, 2008
Today is a very depressing day.
I spoke to Nicholas Tan on the phone on this morning and I just made another discovery again.
Maybe not so a discovery, but it's something that that person has done to Nicholas that triggered off my thoughts...
I think...
If he were to see me sometime later... he would probably not even say hi to me anymore.
He would say yo.
All right, who am I lying to? He'll just treat me like a stranger. Just like how things were... when we have never met each other before.
I'm thinking that he has blocked me from MSN again. The things is, I don't know why. I've not seen him ever since Sports Day and... I mean I was wondering if anything could have happened, like someone else could have gossiped about me again and made him believe in something...
I really don't know.
And the most painful thing is once again, wondering why things were so well during the concert day.
I just can't get it. It's tormenting me.
I tried to revise Maths and Chem today. I pushed him out of my mind... I distracted myself by scribbling on the foolscap paper all the Maths answers and Chem formulas. I tried. I really did.
Then at 17 30, I just couldn't take it anymore.
I suddenly thought of him unwrapping the lollipop for me and I couldn't lie to myself anymore.
I went out and take a 90min walk around Toa Payoh, pondering over many things while listening to songs.
The conclusion? I just got sadder.
I want to know why he treated me so well on the 15th of April. I want to know why he makes me so happy for a moment, then crashes everything the next. I want to know why he blocked me from MSN again. I want to know what wrong I did to make him hate me so much now.
I want to know. I don't care if the truth hurts. Because it still hurts so much now... don't leave me hanging on a thread.
As Nicholas Tan said.
"It's not very clear whether you and him are friends and strangers."
All right, I paraphrased but the crux of the idea is definitely true.
Everything is just so ambiguous.
Are we friends? Or are we strangers?
Or...
Am I just your Toy?
Tell me, oh please tell me.
... I feel so excessively empty now.
is this LOVE?
Listened to music @ 9:43 PM
