♥ Thursday, May 08, 2008
I detest making decisions.
Today is a day where I made an important decision. Up till now, I'm not too sure if this decision is right, but I'm sure time will heal everything.
I thought about everything ever since I read Nick Soo's tag on the tagboard and what Fredy told me yesterday night.
Perhaps everything was wrong.
Wait, wrong is the wrong word. I guess everything was too confusing and 'inappropriate'.
How do we say this... I think whatever that happened was just well, a Was thing. It was all in the past.
How could I continue living by using the past as the present?
Because the present is too cruel that I couldn't accept it? I guess so. I must stop deluding myself already.
I have decided to Stop.
Stop my obsession over him. Stop my foolish thinkings. Stop my constant gibberish over him.
Stop. Stop. Stop.
But I can't stop overnight. I need time, a lot of it.
So until that Day... forgive me for my moments of depression over him, forgive the secret tears that I shed from time to time.
But above all, I will definitely stop, with effect from tomorrow, mentioning him in the form of spam and the Bottle and the moments of the past.
Yes, that is my top priority.
Decisions are hard to make, that's why I hate them so much.
But still, reality is as such. Cruel and bitter. But it is still reality.
I know people always thinking that I'm blinded and I don't know a lot of things, and that I think he likes ( as a friend) too.
But, actually, I know.
I know how much he detests me. I know much he wishes that I could get away from him.
And hey, guess what? I'll fulfill his wish.
I'll get away from him.
The 'plan' I had was working, I avoided seeing him and I did it.
It will continue.
I will only see him when circumstances force it, like when I need to go to the toilet.
As long as I can help it, I will avoid seeing him.
Though my heart will still ache and all that... I'm sure it'll be over soon.
Like how I'm making this Over now.
I can do it. I can do it!
Anyway, before I end this, I want to thank people (again)!
These people were always by my side, and I'm truly grateful for their constant support and their advices for me.
Seniors:
Chien Teng
Sean Kwek
Fredy
Zhen Cheng
Garrett
Peers:
Xing Hao
Justin Yap (yeah **** doesn't give me marks. =D)
Chang Jun
Sean Teh
Nicholas Tan
Hui Xiong
Shawn Teo
Joseph
Albert
Juniors:
Hendrik
Nicky
Nicholas Soo
Dwayne
James Onggo
Justin Onggo
Clement
Saw
The non-Band people:
Jack
Karen
My apologies if I miss anyone out.
You're in the list as long as I've spoken to you on him before and you've told me something that I cherish and remember.
Thank you very much!
Okay anyway today was Chinese Paper 2... I felt so extra when all the Express Chinese left and I'm one of the few people left in the hall and people were like looking at me (since I'm so close to the corridor) when they walked past... I hate to be scrutinized!
After that went to Zhan Hao's house with Jack to watch lame videos and videos on people dancing.
Went home and watch TV and here I am.
Tomorrow will be a Beautiful Day. It just has to be.
"Your gentle gaze was fixated on a slim shoulder
She was smiling gently, happily agreeing
Suddenly there was a loud noise
As though something was breaking
But I can only stay rooted to the ground
'Why isn't it me?' This question was too foolish
So I won't ask you
You're standing there like I've never seen you before
Making me feel so distant
How on earth do you describe this feeling?
Because I have already understood
Why your eyes show sadness from time to time
I have also understood that the one
Who can do anything for you is not me or anyone else
But that one special person
Just since when have I been so attracted by you?
I pretended to only realize now
And covered myself with easily seen-through lies
But it only gave me more emptiness
Is this feeling known as 'love'?
'Why isn't it me?' This question was too foolish
So I won't ask you
You're standing there like I've never seen you before
Making me feel so distant...
Just since when have I been so attracted by you?
I pretended to only realize now
And covered myself with easily seen-through lies
But it only gave me more emptiness
This feeling is know as 'love', isn't it?"
is this LOVE? - ayumi hamasaki
Just how I'm feeling now...
"Are You Wake Up?"
Yes I am. It is time... to face the truth.
Listened to music @ 9:23 PM
