♥ Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Suddenly it brings back so many memories...
I'm listening to this Ayu song that I just downloaded... it's a B-side to one of her singles back in 2003...
I never knew how nice it was.
When I heard it, everything about it. From the Japanese flute to the Japanese drums to Ayu's voice...
It's so nostalgic.
It's too nostalgic.
During that 6min of the song, memories suddenly started coming back as I read the translated lyrics and heard the song... and then I started tearing... for?
Was it the loss of those days?
Or the happiness of once owning them?
I don't know. I'll never know.
People always give sound advice to situations like mine. They tell me to find someone, they tell me to forget, they tell me to...
But. Sometimes I wonder if they had considered my feelings.
I don't want to forget, I don't want to find someone else.
I just want him.
Do you get it? I only want him and no one else. So don't tell me to forget everything and find someone.
Because those memories are too precious. Too precious.
I just found out something saddening.
Someone told me that he said that he doesn't like me.
That was a month ago.
When I heard that, so many questions were running through my mind.
"What about now?"
"Is this for real?"
"Why?"
...
Then I realized, why shouldn't he dislike me?
There are too many undesirable things about me that make me so hate-able.
... But from that day until now, I can't deny that we have done beautiful things together.
I can't deny that he has shown me warmth.
So, what does this mean? Inside my heart, I was wishing heartily that he has already forgotten and forgiven what I've done before... and decided to start over.
Yes, that was my wish.
But I still don't know.
Suddenly, all that happy and cheery theories that I've came up to make myself happy seem to feel so useless and empty. Suddenly, I felt so depressed.
That desire from weeks ago started coming back...
That desire for him to come up to me and tell me what and how he feels.
That desire to run away again.
Somehow, it felt a little different today.
There was this bitter pain with nostalgia attached to this moroseness.
Those memories... those fated encounters... were they all fake?
I've come to a stage where I don't even know what I want.
I only know that I want him. Very badly.
I'm getting the suspicion that he has blocked me from MSN again. When can I stop being so paranoid.
Or rather, when I can stop being so sensitive to the Truth?
Tragedy, tragedy, tragedy.
I think I'll look back 10 years later and laugh at my pathetic-ness now.
But for now, those memories are overflowing.
I remember the summer festivals I had often been to
Where we held fast each other's hand not to be separated
Everything was shining, nothing to fear
And I was pursuing nothing but the beautiful dreams
The passing wind is so soft somehow
That tears are running down my cheeks
Memories are sweet because we passed through the time
However sad now, we can talk about it with a smile some day
There was something I lost while I was growing up
But see, I have my dearest person now
The passing wind was so soft somehow
I will love you at this time tomorrow
Please treasure time, not to regret later, as it's irreplaceable
Please don't forget, however much we pray later, we can never get back this time
theme of a-nation 03' - ayumi hamasaki
P.S: Physics is screwed. First obvious sign of Fail for the Prelims.
Listened to music @ 9:26 PM
