♥ Thursday, April 17, 2008
I can't take it anymore. Or rather, I can't take them anymore. Sorry, this is just a mini rant on upsetting things...
1. Sec3s (who are not from band)
Omg, I have enough of you scrutinizing me! I don't care for whatever notorious reasons you know me... can you stop staring at me like I'm some criminal (it's not like I don't feel like one already...)??!! It's just getting on my nerves... Whenever you just gather together and begin looking in my direction and then snigger like little girls, you are talking about me. Aren't you very manly or whatsoever? Then please stop gossiping and finally be a REAL man and just stfu and gtfo.
2. Him...
He treated me like a stranger today. On Tuesday, we did so many things together, it was like Heaven to me... but today? I mean, is this a joke or something? How can he treat me like this? Am I really that unimportant, unlike other people? I always thought that I would be doing the right thing by trying my best to protecting him and keeping him away from fear but... is it even right?
Is there some sort of purpose to him doing anything to me? I used to just ignore what other people say about him... I never believed that he's making use of me, because I just don't find anything in me that he can make use of. Then Chang Jun said that he's using me for ENTERTAINMENT.
I don't know. I'll still say he's not making use of me. I'll still say that I'm just overreacting. I'll just say that... it's a misunderstanding... I'll still give myself excuses...
I hate it when he does this playing thing to me. I can do everything for me... just don't play with my feelings because believe it or not I am one of the weakest persons in this world and I analyze and think about every single thing you do and come up with my own conclusions.
Every time you start to treat me like a stranger, I'd ask myself, "Then why did he XXX/YYY/ZZZ in the first place?"
Yes. Why would he treat me so nicely if he wanted to you know treat me like a stranger? It just seems like he has some ulterior motive but um, things can't be THAT complicated. I'm just overreacting and over-analyzing.
But still my heart fell down a bottomless pit today when he just saw me and did/said nothing... and he did other things with the other Sec4s, suddenly I felt that I was invisible to his eyes.
The stupidest thing was I actually left everyone and went to the toilet to secretly cry.
I'm just very exhausted... I don't know if I can still take this... I don't know anything at all now...
It seems as though Tuesday was some transient illusion to test me...
I'm too tired now.
Let's just give up.
Listened to music @ 9:54 PM
