I have changed my blogskin! The focus is now fireworks... I'll explain why later.
Anyway, today is Good Friday so it's a holiday... I woke up at 12pm omg. This is one of the rare times when I wake up after 10am... haha.
I did a lot of thinking today... and perhaps I have come to my final decision.
~
To Mark...
I don't know how to remove any impressions that I have given you. I don't know how to reverse anything in the first place. I mean, it is my fault that the two of us are in such a situation.
Whenever you turn your head and walk in an opposite direction because you saw me... my heart sank. It's something that I can't really explain... I'm sure you know how I feel too. When I found out that you have blocked me from MSN, my first thought was, "Well, why am I not surprised?"
I know I bug you a lot on MSN, so I guess your decision was right too. In this way, I wouldn't have any chance to communicate with you...
If there's anything that has more power than love, then it'd be the power of Good-Bye.
Because you know that when you let go, there's always a feeling that holds you back... something that stops you from doing the RIGHT thing. And I have been having that feeling... for four months already. It is time to do the right thing and to make the right decision.
The reason to why I changed my blogskin to fireworks is because...
Fireworks are a momentary beauty, forlorn and nostalgic. Mark, just like you, fireworks captivate me a lot.
But once they fly up to the sky... they dissipate to nothingness. Perhaps that is what I should do to my feelings towards you too.
Perhaps I had this theory to fireworks with inspiration from Ayu (as always?)... she knows what I mean. Haha.
Anyway, I have decided to let you go forever. No more bugging, no more pestering. I wonder what would happen to us now?
Obviously, deciding to let go doesn't equate to not talking to you, or talking to your section mates. If anything, I want to socialize with everyone =D.
Because you are such a carefree and simple person... I can't allow myself to burden you any further.
Let this be the final farewell to my memories. If anything, I really really really want to be friends with you, just like everyone else.
The summer has come again and again since then
But why am I looking back upon the past again
Tracing the footprints?
I remember everything even now
Your voice calling my name, your casual habits
I want to forget, and I don't want to forget
Did I choose the right way?
But I keenly understand there is no answer
Whomever I may ask it to
Please tell me some day that you are happy
And smile
I gently lock the memories away
Leaving them to be beautiful
This feeling, this feeling, go up into the sky
And be dispersed beautifully like a firework
HANABI ~episode II~ - ayumi hamasaki
Yeah, that should be what I have to do (forgive the bad sentence structure =P)
This stanza strikes me the most.
"This feeling, this feeling, go up into the sky
And be dispersed beautifully like a firework"
That's right.
I still remember band camp last year.
I still remember how you laugh.
I still remember how you cute you are.
I still remember how free you always look.
I still remember how your hands felt like.
I still remember... a lot of things.
But as from today, I'll try to forget all of them. Every single one of them.
Farewell, Mark.
