♥ Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Today is a bad day.
Oh wait let's rephrase this: today is a horrible today.
Actually, that's good enough.
TODAY IS A MOROSE DAY.
Um yes something happened after 'band'.
It has something to do with a letter. And the word 'sick'. Does that sound familiar? Maybe Mark only uses 'sick' to me, since it's such an... insulting word.
(Ah, yes I feel more freedom now that this blog is restricted...)
Anyway, Mark said I'm 'sick' because I wrote that letter to him two weeks ago.
And on impulse, I tore the letter up in front of Mark and ran away. Yes, I ran away, unable to face reality as always.
And then I reached the bus stop. And I started crying, I mean weeping really without control. Clement was beside me... so it's pretty comforting that there is still someone there...
While crying, I saw Dion, Quinten and Zen. I saw them while I was crying. That's a very bad thing right, especially since I keep saying 'no' whenever Zen asks me if I'm emo (for sarcastic reasons of course). So I did this dramatic thing, which is to run away (again) to the next bus stop. But I saw Quinten and Zen take off in a taxi and Dion got on 28, so I decided to walk back. But well lol Clement followed me haha, he doesn't feel like going home at that time too...
And so I cried and cried for a long time (long if 3 28s passing by is long to you...) and um Raymond Gan happened to pass by and he thought I was crying because the letter was in the band room (well I'm not sad over that) and he asked me something which actually made me think a lot.
"Do you want me to tell you the truth or would you rather me to tell you a lie?"
Sigh. The truth is ever so depressing and hard to face up to. While the lies are so comforting and disillusioning...
But still, which one is more beneficial to us?
To recognize only the lies and lead a delusional life
OR
To know the truth and give up before it's too late?
As always, weird people like me want to know the truth but we'll never give up.
So... I thought of dying... and I just did on Saturday!
But as always, because of one person who told me something comforting, I ended up writing 8 songs to heal myself. And I feel better now but nevertheless I am still upset.
Well, James Onggo passed by too and then I stopped crying after he left...
Mark, if you ever read my blog, can you please understand something? This message goes for anyone who thinks that I am lying by saying that I don't love Mark anymore.
I don't want you to love me. Because it is not going to happen! I understand that you actually like a girl now (please tell me if this false) so... naturally I am hoping that it'll be a happy ending for the two of you.
I just want to be your friend. Like not some toy that you play around... calling me a 'friend' when you feel like it (and thus making my day) and then calling me 'sick' when you feel like it (and thus resulting in the tradegy today)....
I mean, I really want you to treat me normally, as a friend like really. As cheesy as how the bloody letter sounds, I mean every word that I said there.
"Give me a chance. Give yourself a chance. Give us a chance."
It's cheesy but oh well perhaps you don't care at all.
I mean, you probably don't know how I spoke of you in front of Cheryl, Miss Aida, and whoever else who has a wrong perception of you. I mean, maybe you don't care but are you sure you are feeling totally fine with it?
I lied to protect ourselves. I can't afford my classmates to come looking for you and telling you nonsense... I can't afford for them to anything stupid. That's why I have to lie.
I just wrote a prayer for you on Monday... I hope it comes true.
I asked Miss Aida today, "How is Mark?"
And she said, "I don't like Mark. He irritates me."
And she went to compare Mark to Thomas Ang and James Onggo! Like er-hem, they're of different leagues please. Lol lor.
Ah I don't know why a post meant to discuss my sad afternoon turned into a post just talking about Mark.
Perhaps I should stop here now. Haha.
Listened to music @ 9:49 PM
