♥ Thursday, November 22, 2007
Hi, this post is a rant about my family, so do exit if you get offended at the thought of a 15 year old getting depressed about his family.
Next, I promise not to use profanities, so... I'd not use it.
So, my house (not home) has 2 computers. One computer, is 100% only used by my brother, cos everyone else in the house is afraid of him so no one dares to use that computer.
So, that leaves the other one? Which is shared by 4 people.
Now, I let my sister use the computer from the moment she wakes up to like 10pm. Considering the fact that she wakes up at about 10am every day, that's about 12 hours per day for her. Now, add in the fact that I have band on some days, and coming back home at 11-12 on those days only make her usage of the computer longer.
So nevermind about, I'm used to using the computer for only 2-5 hours.
So tonight, I was restarting the computer, cos I always need to when I start to use it, if not the internet will lag. So restarting the computer takes about 10 minutes.
I sat on the sofa to watch Tab TV while waiting for the computer to restart.
Then it happened.
My father jumped onto the computer without asking me at all, and proceeded to his Chinese-learning website where they teach you how to pronounce Chinese words. Something like an online dictionary.
I felt unjustified at that point of time, cos I only get to use the computer from 10pm? He could have really chosen an earlier time, to be precise, a period of time out of the 12 hours that my sister is using. It's like asking for more protection fee from a pauper and not asking for any from a rich guy. Oxymoron much?
So anyway I shouted (and my throat still hurts) at him that it's unfair that he needs to pick 10pm to check his Chinese words.
Then, he said "I've had enough of you" and "why are you shouting?!" before he resorted to violence.
Now, to really rebuke those 2 quotations.
"I've had enough of you"... Why should you be? Am I that rude and loud and disrespectful child? I mean, if you do live in my house and experience and witness what my siblings do, you will know that I'm NOWHERE close to them in terms of being disrespectful to parents.
My sister shouts at my father all the time, always saying "I'm going to put you in an old folks' home when you grow old", "I will hit you when you grow old", or simply, take an umbrella and start to hit him.
My brother on the other hand, will just shout, with a touch of profanities.
So... that compared to "WHY ARE YOU USING THE COMPUTER?! JUST GET AWAY FROM IT NOW!" You judge. I guess I was being rude too but 'I've had enough of you'?... Overkill, I say.
Speaking of which, you don't suppose that I've had enough of this house and the people in it? Seriously, I'm forced to stay at home during the holidays, not because of studies, it's because I need to babysit my sister, who for the love of anything, is eleven.
I get forced to skip band several times to babysit her, but of course I refuse, which only lead to threats such as "wait till the day when I don't give money to you".
I mean, imprisoned at home for a lame reason is really really unfair?
Besides, my sister is already eleven!!! Omg.
Next, have you ever wondered why I have such low self-confidence and low self-esteem, especially during band? Oh wait, you don't, cos you NEVER attend my concerts; basically you don't care about band. So... why? It's because of this house and the people inside it! I get shouted and scolded at for the slightest reason, get treated unfairly at home, it's like I'm staying in some prison instead of staying at a cosy home. My low self-confidence and self-esteem are all thanks to you guys! You don't know how much I envy those people who have so much self-confidence in themselves, their courage is something I could never have.
Many people say that childhood is the best period of their lives. They always say, "I wish I was eight again." To be honest, eight years old was the worst age in my life, because of personal reasons.
Whatever that you people have said, I still remember all of them you know? I'm not who forgets things easily, I just don't bother to bring them up.
Anyway, I can confidently say that if I were to die in the next 10 minutes, my teenage life would be the best period of time for me, not childhood.
Okay, so I am in band and you guys are not happy with it. But have you ever considered WHY am I in band in the first place?
*Flashback... 2 years ago*
It was CCA day and I got that form where you were supposed to fill in your choices of CCA. I remember vividly that Archery Club was my first choice; band was not in any of those choices.
Because of a few words that my brother said, about band being an 'easy and slack' CCA, you guys forced me to join band? Because of you, I hated band for 6 months!
Now that my passion for band and music has increased to such a OMG level, you guys start to blame me? Now now now... if you cohere me into joining band two years ago, would I like band in the first place? You believed my brother cos of his words! For God's sake, he skipped band every Saturday! Duh, it's sooooo slack and easy for him!
And because you hate band, and hate me being in it, you start to bring me down with words.
"You are not going to be some professional musician anyway", "Band is useless", "I don't wish to waste my time by going for your concert", "I am not going to embarrass myself by asking for sponsorship for your stupid concert!"
Whoa, thanks a lot for those quotations.
Fortunately, I've a bunch of friends whom I can turn to and all that. You don't know how much I love them more than you.
Do I hate you people? I don't really know either. All I know is that I don't want you people to die or anything, just for you all to straighten out your thoughts and stop blaming for almost everything.
P.S. If you guys didn't know, there was a period of time where I secretly told masterclasses and had to stop cos the teacher needed to leave overseas, and also because I don't have $$$ to pay anymore.
I don't know if being treated as such is in a way "preparing" me for the harsh life outside, but I know that many say that home is the one place you can count on, or something like that. Simply meaning that family is one group of people you can you know tell your troubles, and that no matter what, they will be your side and all that. ... I know my family are not like that.
Hey, I just got a scolding from my mother, cos I was 'blasting my music'... Hmm, well I did cos I was so upset about the thing that happened just now. And she dragged to studies. Sometimes I wish that I can be as dao as my brother, or as fierce as my sister.
... Basically, I don't really like my family, but anyway it's like the whole world is going to stop just because they suck or anything. Neither are everyone whom I know going to console me the moment they finish reading this... just because it's human nature.
Perhaps this case of mine is simply minor to those cases of family problems in the Chicken Soup series, but hey you never know if I've actually faced physical/psychological/sexual abuse before right? Just cos I've never mentioned it... never mind.
Anyway, that is the end of the rant. I'm trying hard not to cry now because I know it's not going to be worth it, but whatever. End rant!
Listened to music @ 10:27 PM
