♥ Friday, October 26, 2007
Okay so I got my report book today and I just gave it to my father to sign it.
My sister read Mr. Chia's comments for me on my report book.
"Jun Xiang is a responsible student who is actively engaged in his CCA. He is a young man with a bright future."
Upon hearing that, my father said, "I want to speak to the teacher who wrote that. What bright future do you have with that kind of results?"
Loophole 1) He didn't look at the report book yet?
I'm so pissed off at how I just got insulted like that. I honestly don't care if it was just some random person, or just someone else. But my family/parents?
Which brings me to my next point.
Everyone thinks it's okay to repeatedly hit me for no reason just because I don't retaliate.
Why?
Because there is no excruciating pain.
Lame reason? But that really is my reason. Even so, must you do it whenever you have the chance? I'm apathetic about a lot of things, for example getting insulted, partly because I'm immune to insults, and partly because I know and believe that there are people around me who don't do such things to me.
Today is just a shitty day.
I'm so... disappointed at the incorrigibleness of the class... tearing off the notice board of another classroom not belonging to us is really retarded all right? And pissing off so many teachers, what is the point?
I'm so touched by Ms. Tan's determination in deciding not to give up on us although we really don't deserve her concern anymore. What compels her to do that?
Which brings me to my next point.
What compels me to do whatever I'm doing? Myself? For someone else? For the sake of doing it?
Sometimes, I don't even know why I'm trying so hard in certain things. Perhaps I have the same perception as Ms. Tan, that "it'll all come to an end at the end of the day". I don't know, really.
Next, when seeing someone who needs help, what will you do? Do whatever you can do to help him? Or what?
I always believed that if that particular person doesn't want people to help him, or is just so rid of hope that he won't listen, then why bother when he doesn't even bother?
Everyone is helping, honestly. And what do you do? Why are you ruining yourself?
Next, an excerpt from Xing Hao's blog.
"I NEED SOMEONE, WHO I CAN REALLY TALK TO NO REALMS OF DIFFERENCES, ONE WHO CAN ACCEPT ME. Sadly, no one. No one I met for 15 years, fits that criteria. I can't blame them, everyone has their own lives. I can't be selfish and want everything for myself. But I really want someone... Just someone who can pull me out of this rabbit hole..."
I wish, that I can say, 'I totally agree!' to that. But I can't, because if I did, I'd be lying to myself. Really, someone has fit that criteria. But I shan't drag on this topic because it's too personal and only share it with... myself, at least before I sleep.
Maybe I am a bitch, maybe I am selfish, maybe I am apathetic, maybe I am naive, maybe I am stupid. SO WHAT?
I'm sick and tired of people wildly contradicting themselves, I shall admit, I contradict myself, I do it most of the time.
Sure, it's end of the school. Sure, we should be enjoying now. But haven't you realized that the O Levels is <365 days? Can all you can do in class is to make a fool out of yourselves and in turn pissing the teacher, and me off.
Ms. Tan is right (is this the 3rd time I'm saying this?), everyone has inner feelings within himself, something like angst. Like I don't have? Do you see me tearing down the notice board, or insulting the teacher, or anything like that?
Just because you have a freaking yellow form (if you do get one, please do not get offended because I'm really referring to a general group) doesn't entitle you do anything special? Say I got the yellow form instead of you, how would I react? Spout more vulgarities? Think that it's the end and just continue to downgrade myself?
I HAVE FREAKING INNER CONFLICTS INSIDE ME AS WELL.
I never said/show it, you never knew. That doesn't mean I'm free of troubles.
I do put on a depressing face at times, but at the end of the day, I believe that I do try my best to minimize my time on that.
... I must be PMS-ing or something today. Not that I should be having PMS or anything, but ugh mood swings.
Listened to music @ 9:31 PM
