I wanted to do a 'Why I Love Pink' post today but something happened and I just lost all happiness and mood to do it.
I don't understand my family at all. Many a time, I feel as though I really wasn't the biological child of my parents; perhaps they picked me up at some garbage or something, because... I really don't know them, even though it's been fifteen years...
Anyway, my sister is bawling now and my parents are quarreling. Although I am a bitch, I don't understand why I feel sad when other people are yelling/crying. I'm weird and different from everyone else, in particular my family, after all.
And I've been feeling so emo-ish the past few days, and I don't even know why. Memories of the past came flowing like some waterfall and suddenly the air around me just feels so cold. Why?
It sucks even more when I clearly understand and know that what I am trying to forget and put away isn't a nightmare, it isn't a bad memory, but easily the best thing that has happened to me, ever. It is ironic, on how I feel more obliged to put away the good memories, rather than the bad ones.
Anyway, consider this quote, "Which hurts more? Saying something and wishing you hadn't, or saying nothing and wishing you had?"
To be honest, I've encountered situations of both scenarios. The reason why I'm suffering in loneliness and sub-zero temperature now is because I said a lot of things, only to wish that I hadn't say them at all. Regret always knocks on the door at the wrong times, apparently.
But of course, there are so many times as well when I just want to yell at someone to get off and stop touching me, but I didn't.
Once again, it's so freaking ironic and I'm feeling sadder that I yell at people whom I shouldn't yell at, yet I don't at people whom I should.
You see, I ought to hate myself.
I can't adapt to changes well, I don't appreciate what I have (had), I only show that dumb emo face when I regret it.
I shall take this day off to post a post on my Chemistry teacher, Ms. Aida.
She will not be teaching my class next year anymore, meaning some other teacher will take her place.
I'm actually quite sad.
If it wasn't for our Rihanna, I wouldn't have gone from the bottom 3 in class with a single digit in Chem, to a pass in SA2, landing myself in the top 5 of the class.
Although the class was indeed very noisy and on "comedy central" with her around, I believe there are always people who still listened to what she was teaching anyway.
I don't know how I'd react to the new teacher next year; I am very horrible at adapting to changes, and I hate to see someone leave, especially if that someone is someone I like a lot.
Mole calculation, Empirical formula, ppts... Yeah I remember them all.
It was a very fun year of Chem with Ms. Aida, and I do hope that she'll be blessed and all those nice things.
Good-byes and farewells... suck.
Listened to music @ 11:58 PM
♥ Friday, October 26, 2007
Okay so I got my report book today and I just gave it to my father to sign it.
My sister read Mr. Chia's comments for me on my report book.
"Jun Xiang is a responsible student who is actively engaged in his CCA. He is a young man with a bright future."
Upon hearing that, my father said, "I want to speak to the teacher who wrote that. What bright future do you have with that kind of results?"
Loophole 1) He didn't look at the report book yet?
I'm so pissed off at how I just got insulted like that. I honestly don't care if it was just some random person, or just someone else. But my family/parents?
Which brings me to my next point.
Everyone thinks it's okay to repeatedly hit me for no reason just because I don't retaliate.
Why?
Because there is no excruciating pain.
Lame reason? But that really is my reason. Even so, must you do it whenever you have the chance? I'm apathetic about a lot of things, for example getting insulted, partly because I'm immune to insults, and partly because I know and believe that there are people around me who don't do such things to me.
Today is just a shitty day.
I'm so... disappointed at the incorrigibleness of the class... tearing off the notice board of another classroom not belonging to us is really retarded all right? And pissing off so many teachers, what is the point?
I'm so touched by Ms. Tan's determination in deciding not to give up on us although we really don't deserve her concern anymore. What compels her to do that?
Which brings me to my next point.
What compels me to do whatever I'm doing? Myself? For someone else? For the sake of doing it?
Sometimes, I don't even know why I'm trying so hard in certain things. Perhaps I have the same perception as Ms. Tan, that "it'll all come to an end at the end of the day". I don't know, really.
Next, when seeing someone who needs help, what will you do? Do whatever you can do to help him? Or what?
I always believed that if that particular person doesn't want people to help him, or is just so rid of hope that he won't listen, then why bother when he doesn't even bother?
Everyone is helping, honestly. And what do you do? Why are you ruining yourself?
Next, an excerpt from Xing Hao's blog.
"I NEED SOMEONE, WHO I CAN REALLY TALK TO NO REALMS OF DIFFERENCES, ONE WHO CAN ACCEPT ME. Sadly, no one. No one I met for 15 years, fits that criteria. I can't blame them, everyone has their own lives. I can't be selfish and want everything for myself. But I really want someone... Just someone who can pull me out of this rabbit hole..."
I wish, that I can say, 'I totally agree!' to that. But I can't, because if I did, I'd be lying to myself. Really, someone has fit that criteria. But I shan't drag on this topic because it's too personal and only share it with... myself, at least before I sleep.
Maybe I am a bitch, maybe I am selfish, maybe I am apathetic, maybe I am naive, maybe I am stupid. SO WHAT?
I'm sick and tired of people wildly contradicting themselves, I shall admit, I contradict myself, I do it most of the time.
Sure, it's end of the school. Sure, we should be enjoying now. But haven't you realized that the O Levels is <365 days? Can all you can do in class is to make a fool out of yourselves and in turn pissing the teacher, and me off.
Ms. Tan is right (is this the 3rd time I'm saying this?), everyone has inner feelings within himself, something like angst. Like I don't have? Do you see me tearing down the notice board, or insulting the teacher, or anything like that?
Just because you have a freaking yellow form (if you do get one, please do not get offended because I'm really referring to a general group) doesn't entitle you do anything special? Say I got the yellow form instead of you, how would I react? Spout more vulgarities? Think that it's the end and just continue to downgrade myself?
I HAVE FREAKING INNER CONFLICTS INSIDE ME AS WELL.
I never said/show it, you never knew. That doesn't mean I'm free of troubles.
I do put on a depressing face at times, but at the end of the day, I believe that I do try my best to minimize my time on that.
... I must be PMS-ing or something today. Not that I should be having PMS or anything, but ugh mood swings.
Listened to music @ 9:31 PM
♥ Wednesday, October 24, 2007
I've not blogged these few days cos I'm lazy but it has been an eventful-filled days.
Okay, firstly, I got promoted to Sec4, a hurdle I thought I would not get over.
But this brings to my first point, which got me really sad.
The people in my class who are retaining (they definitely still have a chance at the retests), they are each reacting in such different ways that sometimes when I just want to approach them to tell them that it's okay, I'm hesitating. I don't know why.
I just hope that all of them will stay strong and own the retests.
Next, I found a new target!
OMG, my new target is a song? Hell yeah.
I'm trying very hard to learn the dance steps, but I guess I can only know the whole routine when I buy the 庆功版 of 特务J, which happens to contain videos of the whole dance routine of some of the songs, one of which including 爱无赦.
By the way, 爱无赦 is so freaking hard to translate!
Anyway, today's episode of 娱乐百分百 is honestly the BEST one that I've ever watched.
7 more days to Chinese O Levels
<365 days to O Levels.
I won't lose.
Listened to music @ 10:11 PM
♥ Monday, October 22, 2007
OMG!
OMG!!
潘玮柏 <3<3<3
Listened to music @ 12:24 PM
♥ Sunday, October 21, 2007
After yesterday's very boring top 10 quotes post, I decided to post videos today.
The first one.
I really need to instill this song into my mind everytime I go for band. My low self confidence and self esteem... I'm really sick of myself, I want to improve and be better, and I will NOT LOSE, ever. 私, 負けない!
The lyrics are what I really need to instill, though. Ahaha.
STAGE ON! I bask in the light and the switch is set LET'S GO! I'm half confident, half nervous
I feel like giving up, but I use 'Focus Punch*' I believe in my partners and aim for the finals** In the shining arena, clapping echoes The cheering grows and I can feel their reactions
I won't lose! I'm in full serious mode! I absolutely won't give up until the very end! Because I want to look back and smile tomorrow I want to decide this with the next hit I'll get the Ribbon***! I'm sure I'll win!
* Focus Punch is a Pokemon move. ** The 'partners' refer to Haruka's Pokemon, and the 'finals' refer to the finals of a Pokemon Contest. *** Ribbons are the 'trophies' of Pokemon Contests.
Next video.
Okay, I know no one will watch this cos
1) It's Pokemon 2) It's 7 min long 3) The dub voices suck 4) They will make you cry
BUT, I still say, watch it... cos it's really very touching, especially the #1 Haruka cry. I watched the movie that it was from but I didn't realize how sad it was until now. Farewells and good-byes are always so sorrowful...
Okay that's all.
Listened to music @ 11:48 AM
♥ Saturday, October 20, 2007
I'm bored so I'm gonna gather 10 favourite quotes (from songs) that I like. You may think that I'm not bored after reading them.
10. "The season I was with you was the most dazzling one." - Ayumi Hamasaki, It was
9. "If I met us at that time somewhere, I'd tell them not to feel uneasy about the future." - Ayumi Hamasaki, Born To Be...
8. "I murmured 'The sun is too bright.' and camouflaged the tears welling up." - Ayumi Hamasaki, BLUE BIRD
7. "We ran through the road to the sea, screaming with laughter innocently in the far away summer days." - Ayumi Hamasaki, fairyland
6. "For you to protect that dream, I couldn't be with you." - Ayumi Hamasaki, still alone
5. "I've learned a lot from being alone." - Ayumi Hamasaki, still alone
4. "Are all people sad? They are forgetful creatures..." - Ayumi Hamasaki, Dearest
3. "I can't go back no matter how much I miss it." - Ayumi Hamasaki, End roll
2. "I just wonder why I exist here; you stayed nearby without saying anything and gave me happiness" - AiM, Days
1. "Rather than saying 'Do your best!', I want to tell you that 'It's okay!'" - 君の傍で ~ヒカリのテエム/ Kimi no soba de ~Hikari no Teemu~/ By Your Side ~ Hikari's Theme~ Okay, so 8 of them are from Ayumi songs but hey... her songs have the most personal lyrics! No chinese songs cos I don't feel like translating them.
Picture of the day.
Kawaii!
Listened to music @ 11:34 PM
♥ Friday, October 19, 2007
Day: Friday Mood: So-so Weather: Rainy
Okay today had school and the special time table was Double EL, double Chem, double Geog. Fun, no?
In EL, Ms. Tan requested people to move in front and Zen went to move next to me =.=... So we sort of talked about random stuff (well make your guess!).
And Zen doesn't believe that his name in Japanese is ぜん. =( Lol.
Anyway, I did a lot of thinking throughout the whole day and I felt so Zen and peaceful within that I think I figured out a lot of things, and how I should deal with them.
The so called solution should be noticed with my newer posts (like since yesterday). Anyway, I got a video to post!
Okay, it's in Chinese and I love the song. The lyrics are plain and understandable... I like it, really. And there's one part of the video that goes like this. It's at the beach where the two guys fight each other.
A: 你说好朋友有什么不能讲的。 你听了这个秘密之后，还会不会想要跟我做朋友？
I like that line, a lot.
Listened to music @ 10:22 PM
♥ Thursday, October 18, 2007
Day: Thursday Mood: Fine Weather: Fine
Go go sister... Go go brother Go go lover... Bravo lover!
Ahaha when will the 特务J album finally have its final version? I want to buy it...
Anyway, it's time to cool down and just be normal.
Pics to share.
Lol.
I didn't know Chimchar would be that cute... cute!
Omg! It's adorable!
Omg! It's adorable! More so than the above one!
The ultimate picture for today. I'm almost dying of that sweetness from that total cuteness of this picture... Omg it's adorable! More so than the above two! <3<3<3
... I don't have much things to blog about these days so let's just keep it cute with pictures!
Go go sister... Go go brother Go go lover... Bravo lover! 酸甜苦辣 爱无赦 You're my lover!
Omg the dance steps in the music video are so funny and easy to learn. Ahaha!
Oooh I remembered something to talk about.
Anyone knows Ugly Betty? They used to show it on Sundays but I don't watch it. They have a repeat now at 4+ so since I'm bored I just watch it. Today's episode... is nice.
I think there's this woman in there who's a transsexual... I'm not too sure but anyway she's the sister of some guy in the fashion company of the show. So somehow she "revived from the dead" (as quoted from the show) and then everyone starts to hate her, etc.
From then on, two scenes in the show struck me.
One was when she, let's call her X, is alone in her office... spacing out. Then this another woman, Y, comes in and starts to talk.
"My friends who used to be close with me... We were strangers after I revived from the dead..." "To hell with them! One friend is more than enough. *smiles*"
Another scene was when X and Y was supposed to go for an opera show but they stopped at a bar to rest. So X sees a guy who's friendly and they communicate/play games/etc. Then X pang-sehs Y... causing Y to get pissed off. Then, the guy asks for X's number, and being smitten she got all like ga-ga and gave her number. The guys shouts a "Yes!" to his friends and X is stunned.
"What's going on?" "I made a bet with my buddies that I have the guts to get your number. You really expect me to be interested in you? Everyone knows you're a freak." Stunned look from X...
Suddenly, Y comes back and says, "Oh, I forgot to introduce myself just now (cos the guy tried to hit on Y too). *Punch*" And she drags X out of the bar. That whole scene... pretty touching.
Listened to music @ 11:37 PM
♥ Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Day: Wednesday Mood: ... Weather: Sunny
Okay... receiving insider information, I boarded 28 @ 6 45 this morning, in hopes to see my sexy EA.
I didn't see him... Shit.
I was really pissed off and disappointed and depressed so I had a black face but I tried to shake it off (omg at my 爱无赦 dance in class)...
So I was talking to Nicholas Tan during recess and then I SAW EA WTFOMG!!!
And it wasn't the end... I saw him again at 12+ in the toilet. I mean after I went out of the toilet and walked... and walked... and walked back to my classroom... he was standing outside my classroom, taking a view of the school. Oh the sexiness and coolness of it. ,3 the goatee!
Anyway, I'm going to try the 28 before 6 45, i.e, the 6 38 28 tomorrow morning... Hopefully I'll see my EA...
I don't know why I'm posting this video. It's depressing.
Listened to music @ 10:56 PM
♥ Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Day: Tuesday Mood: High! Weather: Fine
Okay, I've cooled down a bit from that highness today... oh God EA...
Anyway, I've funny stuff and cute pics to share.
Firstly...
WTF!!! You really have to watch the whole thing... I was laughing my ass off...
A few pics... KAWAII!
Kawaii Kawaii Kawaii... I <3 Hikari, Pocchoma, Pachirisu, Mimiroru, Buoysel!
and EA...
Listened to music @ 11:17 PM
♥
Day: Tuesday Mood: HIGH! Weather: Who cares?
Today is one of the best days in 2007, albeit the fact that 2007 sucks (to me at least).
Ahaha I'm listening to mindless Jolin dance songs while I grin to myself at EA!
Yes, oh my God! I've received insider information... it's got me really high... EA... 06 45... 28... AHAHAHA!!!
Anyway, something else that got me high (not as much as EA though) is that I saw EA walking past my class today! Omg!
The last thing that got me high, which is no where near the above two but still good enough, is that I passed English, Higher Chinese, Combined Humans and Geography. That's 4! The highest number of passes that I've gotten for this year!
Oooh I'm so high now.
Listened to music @ 8:58 PM
♥ Monday, October 15, 2007
Day: Monday Mood: Can I not say? Weather: Rainy/fine
Indeed, unhappy things have happened today, and maybe yesterday, and definitely for the rest of my life. Sometimes, I dwell too much on these unhappy things and I forget about happy things, and I forget that I myself have the power to make myself happy.
Therefore, I'll choose not to think too much about unhappy things that happened to me, and hopefully I'll be so much happier. = )
Anyway, if by any chance, anyone gets to come to my house, and you stumble upon my diary, tsk tsk tsk, you'll know much more about me. Ahaha.
Anyway, more videos today as I search through youtube.
This video is a SUPER DUPER KAWAII video of an episode in the Pokemon anime. It's plain adorable, absolutely heart-wrenching... kawaii!
And one more thing.
Lol. Cutie. Pink one is Mesprit, Yellow one is Uxie, the blue one is Azelf. The beings of Emotions, Knowledge and Willpower respectively. I like Mespirt, why? It's pink! And Emotions...
Hi today's post is on what I want to be from now on...
Introducing the theme of Hikari(Dawn) from Pokemon: Diamond and Pearl!
My proud Pokewatch (Poketech in the games) shines in pink When you are lost, toss a coin I'm always looking straight ahead... I can become stronger; when I am by your side, I can become your strength Rather than saying "Do your best!" I want to tell you that "It's okay!" If you believe in your courage then GO! GO! GO!
If it's with you, YEAH! Together we'll STEP! With a big JUMP! Maybe you can fly there! I'm not afraid of any kind of mountain or valley... With everyone YEAH! Together we'll STEP! For tomorrow we'll JUMP! Feel the moment right now... Let's run, let's ride on the wind Let's get stronger!
Okay, first off this song is KAWAII and the video is KAWAII X2... I just love Pocchoma so much...
Anyway, the song inspires me. A lot of the lyrics reflect exactly what I want to do, but never got the chance to, because I don't cherish what I had.
Listened to music @ 10:15 PM
♥ Saturday, October 13, 2007
Day: Saturday Mood: Infatuated, lovey.......... Weather: Fine
What should I do? I can't stop thinking about you, ever since that day when I saw you...
Is it true that I blushed when you called my name? Did you see it? I hope you didn't...
Is it true that you live soooo near my house? Omg I hope it's so true...
Oh I love your hair, your debonair aura, and most importantly, your goatee...
When you tossed your pen and caught it in mid-air... I was so impressed and I can't stop thinking about you...
I love your super sexy projectile-like voice, and your lovable accent that I can't get enough of....
Oh how I wish you were my English AND Lit AND form teacher...
Mr. E A............................................................................................................ Mr. E A.............................................................................................................
Listened to music @ 11:54 PM
♥ Friday, October 12, 2007
Day: Friday Mood: Feather light Weather: Rainy ( in the afternoons), overall it's cloudy.
Okay, another day of getting back papers. Today is Chinese, Maths and Geog.
Higher Chinese: I'm quite surprised at my compo ahaha but my paper 2 still lost to a lot of people. Hmm.
Maths: Enough said. F9 for all 4 papers but A-Maths was I think about 8 marks higher than E-Maths. I didn't bother to calculate the marks so no marks here.
Geog: I'm happy that I passed but sad that the mark is so... what I thought I'd get. Paper 1: 29.5/50 Paper 2 will be given next Tuesday.
Tuesday will the day of revelation... it's English! Speaking of English... omg I want Mr. E A to be my EL teacher next year... please please please!
Anyway, went home and played Pokemon, received the usual overbearing commands from family, blah blah.
I finally defeated the Elite 4 after 5 days of playing. *I know no one will read the following but oh well.*
Um, after reading guides on forums etc, everyone seems to think the E4 is difficult so naturally I was freaked out lah.
Aaron was easy, owned him with my Windam.
Bertha starts set off the difficulty in the E4 for me... Wtf her hippo KOed my Pocchama, but I still defeated her.
Flint was easy as well, mixed and matched type match-ups to win.
Lucian is DIFFICULT! My first attempt, he KOed my Casper with his Mr.Mime. The second attempt, his Alakazam KOed my Casper. The third attempt, his Bronzong ALMOST KOed Casper but with Lady Luck on my side, I kicked his ass.
Okay honestly Cynthia wasn't as scary as described but I guess I was freaking lucky.
Her Spiritomb was down with Casper... then she suddenly used Milotic and I got stunned... I know her Milotic has Mirror Coat so obviously I can't use Casper if not I'll get KOed but I was like 'Heck it, we'll put her to sleep first." So I got VERY lucky, with Hypnosis landing a hit, and Milotic zzzing away as Casper whittle her HP away with Thunderbolt.
Her Garchomp is the last one I'm gonna highlight... okay so she sent her out, then I used Pocchama and used Ice Beam. Garchomp is supposed to be 4x weak to Ice Beam but... omg it didn't KO her?! She had like a 1/6 of her HP left then I was looking at the levels before I laughed... Lvl 66 Garchomp VS Lvl 57 Pocchama... Okay no wonder why she didn't die with Ice Beam.
So blah blah defeated her and became Champion. And I don't really understand why they cut 'Finish' into 'Fin'.
Listened to music @ 11:32 PM
♥ Thursday, October 11, 2007
Day: Thursday Mood: Depressed Weather: Dark and windy (nice!)
Haha yes, that is the new format of my blog posts from now on, not sure how long it'll last though.
Anyway, got back exam papers today, Physics, Chem and SS.
Physics, as expected was a fail. 30/85
SS, was... meh. 19/25 for SBQ which got me so high for a while, but guess what I got for SEQ? 8/25... 27/50
Elective Lit is not ready yet.
Chem was the pleasant surprise... I passed it! Although it's a borderline pass but it is the very first pass that I've got (CA2 is not counted cos homework marks made me pass). However, it's not enough to pull my Physics up so that my Science can pass. Oh well. 44/85
That's the results for now. I'm happy that I passed SS and Chem, so you might be wondering why I'm still depressed.
There are many things that I do now to keep myself away from certain memories/thoughts. Examples are, playing Pokemon on my DS... watching TV. Okay that's all but at least I'm trying.
Anyway, no matter how hard I try, every time before I sleep, my mind will be filled with past memories and thoughts and I'd cry on certain nights when it's too much to bear (that doesn't happen very often though). The irony is, these memories do make me feel very happy.
Anyway, I've come in terms with myself about something, and that I've told myself what it really is supposed to be, and that I'm think too well of it. Therefore, I shouldn't be too bothered about that "Oh it was so nice in the past and now it's all gone" thought. ^_^
Hopefully, the mood rating for tomorrow will be not Depressed anymore. Haha.
Listened to music @ 11:34 PM
♥ Sunday, October 07, 2007
Had Alumni yesterday and it was nice and enjoyable and everything positive, and I felt all the withdrawal symptoms (haha!) for the past 3 weeks disappear.
Speaking of withdrawal symptoms, whether it's WSes from absence of Alumni, or drugs, glues, sex (for some people), these WSes really can't be compared to some others.
Anyway, anyone heard of captions? Captions are a short line of text that you put on top/below a picture, as if to describe what the picture is talking about. Sometimes, the captions may not, or obviously isn't what the picture is trying to convey. However, people usually let their creative juices flow and nice captions come up.
"Perhaps that was how close you wanted us to be."
Haha Pocchoma is cute... So KO-AI!
Hmm... anyway I don't have too much to say about what's going on... it's all the same: sucky family, stupid mistakes I've made and sleepless hours before I sleep... yeah.
Pokemon is a good way to keep things off your mind. Coming online seems to be a bore these days... I'm so tired of reading forums and I don't have any anime in mind to watch... Or any other show for that matter.
Oh well, tomorrow will be better!
Listened to music @ 10:26 PM
♥ Wednesday, October 03, 2007
That's how I feel now. Indeed, to be cared about is a great feeling. I'm not saying this because I have it now, but because I had it.
Listened to music @ 10:48 PM
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