♥ Monday, June 25, 2007
Mm-hmm.
I guess you are right. There are alot of things which you mentioned that I know is correct, and should be amended. I'm going to change for myself and not because I wish to impress you once again.
Such foolish thoughts and ideas. To change "for you". Sometimes when people say 'I did it all for you.", I doubt their words. I finally realized that it's not worth it to change for anyone. Change for yourself. After all, you are the only person in this world who will never hate yourself. Ok, I know of people who hate themselves but those are the minority.
Anyway, I've decided to get a little more self absorbed and convert all these raging passion and love that I feel to... MYSELF!
Yes, I've decided to love myself like crazy. After all, everyone who I've loved ended up disliking me; perhaps it wouldn't be like that if I didn't love them. Well, I wouldn't get sick of myself and I won't disgusted by myself, therefore, loving myself will be the coolest!
I'll be a Narcissus; the God who fell in love with his own reflection and drowned while trying to "get" his reflection. Of course, I wouldn't get to that stage.
Anyway, I guess I've learned alot ever since I got into Maris Stella. Those points that I see... they'd be gone. Because finally, I'm doing it for myself, and not "for someone else".
Maybe I'm just lying to myself and that the truth is I'm still madly in love with someone else and not myself. Oh well, how pathetic. But, I'll still hold onto my theory; to love myself like how Narcissus loves him myself. Mind you, loving yourself takes alot of self-confidence. And I lack that! Shit! But I'll get through it, somehow. I'm sure of it; I believe in myself.
Today, on my way home, before I decided to passionately love myself, I was thinking about certain things which made me really emo and in a daze. Then... oops! I fell down. Usually, I'll get up immediately when I fall. But, somehow, I didn't. I sat there and cried. It wasn't because it was painful but I felt lost at that instant; like I don't know what I'm going to do anymore. Oh well, sucked it up and went home.
Then the Narcissus idea popped up in my head! Yes, I'll be Narcissus; vain, self-absorbed. Interesting.
You could say that I'm desperate for love but my rationale really isn't that. It's just that I'm afraid my emotions will go wild and I'll fall in love with someone else or still be in love with the was-current person. I don't want history to repeat itself; I'll stop it if I can. And I can, obviously. Which is directing passion to myself. Therefore, I won't love anyone else as in the romantic way cos the only person I'll be interested in is myself.
Egoistic? Selfish? Say what you want but this is the best way to me. By the way, loving trumpets will be a fantastic as well since they're metal and reflective; which means I can check my reflection. ;)
Now, it's time to buy a 3 panel mirror...
Listened to music @ 10:03 PM
