♥ Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Sometimes, I get jealous over the slightlest things.
It's amusing really, how I just lose control over my emotions last time.
Yes in the past I used to so called "act cry", meaning I would look like I'm crying.
What do I do that for? Seek attention? Or am I just really sad?
And yes, yes, I could be posing some people, being emo and all that. I'm sorry but I'm just not in the best of moods for the past 2 months.
Anyway, it's confusing. I've received feedback about myself that I'm too act emo. Yes I appreciate it, which is why I've made plans to change.
Of course, I'll NEVER EVER show my emotions infront of people anymore. Yes, wrath, sorrow and joy. I'll just keep everything to me. Because whatever I do, I end up crying in the end anyways. And that appears as acting emo. Don't get it twisted, this is NOT a complain or rebuke to those feedbacks.
Anyway, ah at most I'll just cry when I'm alone. I mean how difficult can it be to stick a smile onto my face all the time? Like kind of easy actually. I can do it.
Ha, I guess I'm still figuring out what this and that is.
Sometimes, I fall deeper into this bottomless hole and I end up just being. Wretched.
Sometimes, I just tell myself, "I don't have to prove anything to anybody."
I don't have to prove that I don't act emo.
I don't have to prove that I am not pathetic.
I don't have to prove to ANYONE that I am not THIS and not THAT.
Now I'm in a dilema. I don't really know how I should think now. I mean, sticking a smile should work.
Ah, who really cares anyway. At the end of the day, it's myself that I'm gaining inspiration from.
In the end, the sun will still rise. In the end, the world will still spin. In the end, the people around me will still continue with what they're doing. I know I'm not a good enough person/friend that will make people be in that "I can't live without you" state.
Ah, there's no one I can talk to. Ah, I'm depressed again I suppose. But uh, remember? PUT ON A SMILE! =D Yeah!
Where's my angel in disguise? Ah, I guess I shouldn't look for one anymore.
After all, don't need to look at the ordinary, right?
This is my beauiful life.
La bella vita.
Sigh.
Burn.
Listened to music @ 8:08 PM
