♥ Tuesday, November 07, 2006
I'm listening to a list of songs I've compiled in i-Tunes, titled "Inspiration". But it isn't really working. The songs aren't really making me feel better... well let's see Pieces Of Me... Beautiful by Christina Aguilera, which always cheers me up is 16 songs away.
It's all bleak now. Some things aren't really worth hoping for. What has become of me? Is God playing tricks on me? Does He just want to torture me so that I can submit under His power?
Thank you Christina Aguilera. Your countless amount of inspiring songs pulled me through my dark hours. But who knew? My darkest hours have JUST STARTED. And your songs, your lyrics, your voice is beyond what I need to heal. I love you and you're my idol. But the end is the end, I guess it's time to give up.
I'm trying my best to stay strong. Yes I am a fighter, trust my voice within, I'll soar, I'll love me for me, I'm not gonna be underappreciated, I am beautiful.
Please God. Stop your tricks, I can't take it anymore, I admit defeat. Let me off, PLEASE.
I don't even know why I'm trying in the first place, every obstacle that's thrown to me I've supressed it. I've lost my health, I lost my fighting spirit.
I look up to Mary, Mother of God. Jesus Christ looked at me. God looked at me. I need to rest. To hibernate. To sleep through this harsh winter. But I can't. Because I have seniors whom I love oh so deeply and I'm not going to let them fight this thing alone. I will help.
So I'll take a deep breath, and I'll know my fighting spirit is back again. I'm healing. For that day when I'll be invincible is nearing. Only if God would allow me to.
Listened to music @ 9:43 PM
