♥ Friday, September 01, 2006
Breathe the air around you. What do you breathe in?
Hear the sounds around you. What do you hear?
Touch the things around you. What do you feel?
Look inside you. Who do you see?
In the process of life, we look inside ourselves, trying to find out who we really are. And, many a time, we see ourselves, as shallow, selfish, immature, stupid, poser, irritating.
And when I look inside of me, that is what I see now. A shallow, selfish, immature, stupid, superficial and irritating person. And through everything, what do I get? Am I happy in the end?
And now, I know, and I must, change. For even though the "I am me and I won't change for anyone" statement is a statement of identity, but to change for the ones who are worth changing for is a must. And this is what I have to do. To change for myself, is also, to change for the others.
Because I have to change myself, to change the world. *From the mouth of Mr Kwok*
Why do I hate? Why do I feel like I'm at and disadvantage all the time? Why do I feel like the world owes me something? It's because, I am so cynical of the world, and my mindset persists on thinking that the world owes me something. That has to be changed too.
In the classic stories, it seems to be a dream come true for the poor to be flamboyant and proud. But in reality, it never seems nice to be flamboyant. Being flamboyant makes other people think that you think you rock and that is so selfish, and in reality, do I really rock? *No.* And that has to be changed too. A flamboyant mindset.
Confessions of my deepest heart:
I am cocky.
I am flamboyant.
I think the world owes me something.
I refuse to change myself in spite of all the words by others.
I think I'm a gay icon inspiring the world. And I'm not.
I think I am all the things that I am not.
I think way too highly of myself.
I am selfish.
I am not apologetic to the people who hate me.
I blame others for the mistakes that I've made.
I am shallow.
I am superficial.
I am irritating.
I am a turn-off.
I force people to like me.
I think other people are really stupid.
I am cynical.
All in all, I am a horrible person.
And all that has to be changed, because it's all that that made my friends leave me, made me a hateable person. And I want to change and I must.
It is easy to be lazy and shallow, but it's hard to be the opposite. And it's even harder to change.
The key to find the real me has been found, and the lock shall be opened.
Breathe the fresh new me. I am leaving my shadow and facing the sun now.
Listened to music @ 11:49 PM
